Can anyone please tell me the right thing to do?
Ive been with my husband 17years, he cheated on me for 2 months with a women that has no job, no car, no house, anything, she says the baby she had is my husbands, Child support has contacted him, and they have done a DNA, now we are waiting for the results.
I dont know what to do if he is the dad.
She has a new boyfriend who wants to adopt the child, but I dont want to feel like my husband gave up this child for me, but on the other hand I dont want the child in my life either, to much of a reminder.
I cant stand it any more, I hate everything, and everybody, I cant even stand myself over this whole mess.
Any suggestions???

First and foremost. BREATHE. Slow down. Relax.

OK? Comfy?

1. There is nothing you can do at this juncture, baby born, test results on the way.

2. I am assuming you have a laywer? Let the laywer handle the details.

3. Read this whole site. EVERYTHING. Then discuss with your H. I am assuming again, that he does not want to lose you. If that is the case, get into counseling. Read, learn, listen.

4. You do not want to see that baby. Ok. What does he want? You BOTH have to be 100% enthusiastic to having contact with the child or it will fester and tear you apart. Just as you both have to be 100% enthusiastic to having no contact. Hence, talking all this out. Look at it from every angle possible. Neither of you should feel forced into anything.

5. Contrary to popular beliefs, more often then not, the man who cheats is desperate to fix his marriage and is dying inside at the pain he has caused his wife and family. Is your husband in that category? Is he confused about what to do? Call the Harleys and get proper guidance. Your husband is probably, deeply ashamed and doens't know what to say or do. Especially since there is a man in the picture who is willing to adopt the child. SLOOOOOW Down. This isn't going to be fixed in a day. So SLOOOOOOW DOWN.


Take it easy, breathe and take care of you. IF the child is his, you have time to make decisions. Just make sure those decisions are totally agreed upon. Don't let him or OW guilt you into anything. Nor should you guilt him into anything. This all has to be out on the table and then a mutual decision can be made.

Read through here. Myself and others are totally agianst contact. There are others who it has worked well for. We all have different view on if oc should be included in the family or not. Lots of arguing on here, but really good dialog.

My own personal opinion of your situation is you are lucky. If oc is his, I would want the other man to adopt oc. That way you and your husband can heal and move on.

Best of luck you you.

Remember you are at the VERY BEGINNING of this situation. You can and will survive this.

Yes, there are many who disagree with contact or no contact with this other child.

My H and I HAVE contact and we disagree with that. We regret it. IT has worked for others. You just have to consider all the factors. It does not and will not matter what has worked or not worked for anyone else, only what will work and be best for your marriage!

It sounds like you are a good person to not want to force your H. Don't be afraid to be honest with your feelings about not wanting C, that does NOT make you a bad or horrible person.

If OW has another man that is willing and able to give this OC a stable intact home and be a full time father to OC that is wonderful for everybody. If he adopts other child then your H is free to move on in his life in every aspect, emotional, financial ect. This would be one of the situations that works out best for everybody.

You guys need to focus on your marriage and decide together what it/you/he needs to make it work and then it will be better then it ever was.

We feel for you and are here for you. We've been there.

Oh it feels so nice to have somebody to listen and talk to, thanks for your replys.
You say I will survive this, I hope so, When he left for the 2 months, I stressed so bad that I ended up in the hospital, and a colostomy bag, the stress I was under put a hole in my colon, the doctor said I had 8 more hours and I would have expired if I didnt get the operation. They said it was caused by my stress...
So I need to stop it!!! But I cant!! I just hate her so. I find my self hoping for bad things to happen to her.( the OW)
I want to get back at her, but at my own expense, not the expense of that child. I mean the poor thing already has strikes against him,,, 2 months before she conceived him she had an abortion by another guy, I mean she didnt want that child, why this one? I know why, she didnt want kids,, just my husband, so she probably dont want him, and I guess she went to get fixed 3 months ago, only to find out she is pregant again, so she got another abortion, then got her tubes tide. got the information from her sister in law. but ANOTHER abortion? why not abort the one that was supposed to be my husbands? she did the other two, if you know what I mean.
Thats why I really dont want anythig to do with the child, I feel he's here from revenge from her. and I dont want to do what she wants.
All the suggestions are apprecaited, please keep them coming.