Hi all,
I just found out two days ago that dh had ow about 14 months ago, for about 3 months. It was over 1 year ago (she's moved so I'm pretty sure), but there is a 5 mo. old now. I have gotten so much good advice but am confused on everything. We have two kids and he is Navy, I'm unemployed (but working on it). The suggestion of a faux divorce is confusing. How does it work and what does it accomplish. I am just torn apart over this but can't keep falling apart because I am scared about child support and what to do. I know OC needs and deserves some, but OW knows how to work the system. HELP. I just wish it would all go away so I could cry about the affair and not cry harder when I think of the child. So many questions. What is the average child support she would get. They are both Navy so medical is not a worry, I think.

Judi

<small>[ January 14, 2004, 11:20 AM: Message edited by: Speakpp ]</small>

Speak,
I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles but glad you found the board.

As another military wife of 18 years, #1--do NOT faux-divorce!! My understanding is it usu. involves filing for legal separation (but not really separating), or actually divorcing but still living as H&W. I believe you would risk losing all the benefits, legal help, etc. a military wife is due. How long have you been married? (If you are married 15y or more and THEN divorce, you'll be legally entitled to part of H retirement pay.)

Child support guidelines vary greatly by state. In your case I don't know if the mother would/could file by her state-of-record, or the state she's living in. (she'd probably go for whichever one gave her more $). Or you could try to settle out of court... but document everything so H doesn't get hit with back ch-support later!! Is he sending any money now?

(Frankly, I'd wait on the job until I knew for sure if my income counted in the ch-support calculations.)

AND do DNA testing FIRST!!! Never assume... he might get that wonderous "get out of jail free" card!

Finally, why aren't you or H using your free legal system for help? Get to your base lawyer before XOW does, because same lawyer cannot represent both parties! Is this affair in any way a threat to his or her career?

One more thing: be very, very, very KIND to yourself. Take good care of your diet, exercise, sleep when you can. You've been through a rotten shock, a betrayal, and you'll go through all the stages of grief. I hope you've got a good marriage counselor, very repentent H, and good friends!

J, in recovery 5y and glad I stayed