Recently discovered husband had an affair and OW is about 5 months pregnant. Husband is living out of home. Two children (preteens in home) Husband and I want to try to work out. Says he broke it off. How do you have the no contact with OW when she is pregnant and due with child in matter of months. Too new to determine feelings on contact with child

Have a third party involved to relay messages. Or you relay the messages for them? I guess it depends on if you two decide on having contact with the child or not. Right now you have time to work on you marriage befor the child is born.

Sorry you have to go through this,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Jeanne12:
<strong> How do you have the no contact with OW when she is pregnant and due with child in matter of months. Too new to determine feelings on contact with child </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">=^^= First of all, I am very, very sorry you are in this position and I hate welcoming you here, but you have come to then right place.

You're not supposed to have contact with the OW during her pregnancy because the child might not be your spouse's child. It is advised for all parties to wait for the DNA results before they determine life altering issues like contact and visitation. The ONLY thing you and your husband are supposed to do right now is to rebuild your marriage and begin your healing and recovery process.

You and your husband must determine whether or not you want to continue in the marriage and if you do, then make a new commitment to each other by incorporating the Marriage Builder/Harley principles into your lives during this "waiting" period. Learn everything you can about the Policy of Joint Agreement (POJA) that you will need to make some of the most important decisions you have ever made regarding how to proceed with contact/visitation (should the DNA resuults be positive) and whether or not your marriage can withstand contact.

The Rules of Radical Honesty and Rules of Protection come into play immediately as you begin your focus on each other and your marriage.

Just remember, you and your children must always come first above and over any OW, or even the OC. Take this time to get close to each other again and learn what each other's emotional needs are and what you need to do to strengthen your marriage. During your self discoveries, you'll both be able to better identify what went wrong and how to avoid this from happening again.

It's all about you and your husband and your children together. That all comes first and foremost before anyone else is considered because if you two have not built a firm foundation for your own family, you won't be much good for anyone else, including OC...IF you even want to go that route.

Good luck and God bless....

Another stellar post by the ever so wise Catnip!

I agree, you or he do not have to have any contact with her at all. She is not a part of your family, so keep her out of it.

As for the OC. Get thee to a good divorce attorney pronto. Get family finances secured to stay in the family. If the child is his, he will have to pay support. However, if you are to legally separate, you can have you and your children on the books first and OC gets a part of what is left.

Stay away from the OW. Her prenancy is her problem and of no concern to you and your family.

Contact, is up to you, but in the future. Even if you decided on contact, you still don't have to deal with ow. Get a third party to handle to pick-up/drop-off. No reason to speak to her at all.

We have no contact with oc. We do pay child support. But we have done legal manuvers to secure finances to stay in our family. We have had raises and increases treated as bonus type pay, and put directly into retirement accoutns. I have a consulting business, where the money comes to me, even though H did the work. OW can't come after my money. And the Consulting Firm is Incorporated, with my sister being the CEO. Etc. A good attorney firm can help you with all of this.

Right now focus on you, your marriage and what you want. OW is not even a remote concern to you.
As a matter of fact, you can make it so that is she calls your home, she can get slapped with harrassment charges. Do everything legally and you will be fine.

If you and your husband want to keep your marriage, you can. The OC and all the drama associated with it, will someday be just some roadbump in your life. No sense in letting this ruin your entire future. You are going to be fine. You will have an entirely normal life, with all the events you planned on. Birthdays, Christmas, Halloween, etc. You life will go and you will be happy. So don't think that the pain and confusion you are feeling now is for life. It isn't.

Thank you for the replies. It is nice to know I am not alone. My husband and I are working on the changes to ensure there is no contact between the OW and my husband. Still finding myself alternating between feeling like a fool and that I should just divorce him and move on and trying to work things out. I am trying to avoid thinking about the child and focus on the marriage. Hurts when my husband wants to be considerate of her feelings when invoking the "no contact". Sometimes feel he is more considerate of her feelings than mine. The tips about the financial issues are helpful. Thanks again, Jeanne