Are you still around? I'm sorry your thread somehow got overlooked, I'm sure it was inadvertent.

I went to bump it up for you today so the BS that would have good advice for you would see it, but I saw you deleted. I hope you are ok.

Take good care.

<small>[ November 21, 2004, 10:52 PM: Message edited by: litlone ]</small>

Gosh, I really don't think your post was purposely ignored. Sometimes a post gets "buried". Eventually even buried ones tend to be found later. Since you deleted your story though, if members were to find it, they wouldn't be able to respond.

Why don't you give us another chance and post your story again. Perhaps give it a subject line that is "louder", says you are New, a BS w/ an OC, etc...

My heart goes out to you, but there are others more equipped to help you.

I can relate to all the goings on of having teens. We're a year behind you with the college thing. Right now we receive letters from colleges daily. I know the hustle and bustle of applying and visiting campuses is right around the corner for us. Funny you mentioned your younger one driving soon. I just finished a conversation w/ my youngest, (ooops, make that middle...i forget sometimes)...she had been counting the days on her calendar till she can get her temps...yikes!! One driving is enough, hey?

Again, as far as the OC/ow, 1st thing you and H need to do is POJA on the topic of C or NC and the issues surrounding it.

I think you mentioned you don't have an attorney. There has to be a way to retain one, even if your finances are tight. Without one, it seems like the x-ow thinks she can dictate to the two of you. There is absolutely NO reason why you cannot be a part of all visits w/ your H's OC, you are his spouse!!

Talk to your H, tell him all your concerns, and where you stand. Be honest with him, tell him your fears. Ask him what he wants, what his concerns are, his fears, ask him to be completely honest, etc...

Take good care, and here's hoping someone will come along to help!!

I'm so sorry your thread got lost in the cracks. I certainly didn't mean to overlook your story..I am so sorry! It always upsets me so much when that happens because it means someone needed help and didn't get it. Thank God Autumn was watching out for you.

I get so tired after I've written several of my long winded posts, I actually fall asleep at the computer. Now I am studying a lot to get through my courses and haven't been here as much. I tried to catch up with posts over the weekend but didn't see your thread.

We have been going through a lot of changes here lately...lot's of newcomers and many of our oldtimers aren't posting as much so this board seems to be going through a transitionary period.

Since my husband and I are NC, I don't have any advice to offer but there are a few gals here who have contact and one even has custody. Of course, the men here have custody of their wife's OC's. Maybe some of them will be along to discuss some possibilities for you soon. In the meantime, I just want to welcome you to this forum and let you know that we are here for you, regardless of how it appeared initially.

.

<small>[ January 11, 2005, 11:00 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Well, I guess you ARE in the right place. This is where you go to vent and talk about your problems and situation. Just writing it out helps enormously because once it is out, you can kind of let a piece of it go.

As for your husband! They ALL want to stick their head in the sand and pretend the whole thing is history (or never happened) while we deal with the fallout. "It's over! I'm done with it...why aren't you over it yet?" are the ridiculous words often uttered by all of them the first six months after D-day...enlightenment usually doesn't happen for another year or so or until they can start looking at themselves in the mirror again.

He could use a Retrouvaille weekend, too! It is a weekend program for troubled marriages and marriages in recovery and very in line with the Harley principles of MB. If you are looking for a jumpstart to recovery, this weekend can certainly do that.

Look up www.retrouvaille.org and see if it might be something the two of you would like to do together. If counseling isn't his thing, this weekend can give him some enlightenment (you too!) and inspire him to continue working with you on recovery. During the weekend, you can discuss the Policy of Joint Agreement, Emotional Needs, Rules of Protection and Radical Honesty, etc. All the MB tools you both need to work on recovery.

Retrouvaille doesn't cost anything if you can't afford it. No one is turned away. They ask for a contribution if you have it, otherwise, no big deal. It also has an 85% success rate. It is Catholic based (a priest is on hand all weekend) but any denomination is welcome. Retrouvaille is French for "rediscovery". Very cool.

<small>[ January 11, 2005, 11:01 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>