Can anyone tell me their experience with dealing with the triggers in the affair? <P>For instance, everytime I see a sign of the town where OW lives, I get a sick feeling inside of me and I become irritable.<P>Whenever I see a volunteer fireperson, I think of that's what the OW did, and then I get pissed off.<P>Whenever I watch TV, and hear a character's name is the same as OW's, I get annoyed.<P>My H & I are recovering well from his past infidelity. Affair was brief (2 months long) and ended upon exposure back in beginning of March. However, those triggers set me off and then I feel disgusted with my H.<P>Any suggestions on how to overcome this problem that I have??<p>[This message has been edited by NoTrust (edited September 07, 1999).]

It took what seems like forever, but time healed me. However, a more expeditious method may be to replace these negative thoughts w/positive ones. I've heard of many who post here who have had success w/this. When a trigger sets you off, think of something positive about your H to replace that thought, if nothing more than to repeat an "I love my husband" mantra. If you are unable to come up w/a positive about H, ANY positive thought will do. The point is to associate something new and GOOD with these triggers, as opposed to the negative memories. I'm sure it will take a conscious effort on your part, but I would guess that it will speed the process along faster.<P>Good Luck!

Enlightened....I will definitely try to think of "positive" thoughts, when a "negative" trigger pops up in my mind. Thanks for your suggestion!

hmmmm, sounds good. i'll try that whenever i see a car like HERS, or HER town on the weather forcast, or the almost obscene greeting card SHE sent him (i threw it out, but it haunts me), or HER last name on his drycleaned clothes (most of them are gone too)...<BR>another thing i find useful is to imagine her green and rotten and crawling with worms.<BR>I do have to nearly bite my tongue off to avoid lovebusting, sometimes, but my antidepressants have made life so much more pleasant...<P>------------------<BR>for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part.<P><BR>

What helps me is thinking that -<P>Every time I have a thought about "her" (or in my case - them!!) I am making her important in my life and she is not!! She is nothing and therefore I will not waste my thoughts on her!!<P>Instead I just think of me and H.<P>H made the mistake of making her important and I am certainly not going to continue his mistake!!<P>Hope this helps some,<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Hi, NoTrust,<BR> I've been missing you my friend , sorry to hear you are having these problems. I don't have much advice right now, I have been in a down spirial myself lately. I know that now I hate to hear the lady, in anyway songs I loved before the affair are ruined for me now, Mike called this last one "lady" it breaks my heart to think of it. He calls me "Deb, or Debbie" no pet names for me. <BR> I am glad you posted though, email me sometimes you have the address's.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

NoTrust<BR>First of all....cut yourself some slack here, you are normal in this. It takes time and effort to learn how to deal with the triggers. I have found in the last 18 months that they hit less hard than they did in the early months and they come less often. But I have to be honest and tell you that they are still there. Will they always be there? I don't know, but I do know that I will continue to work to control them and not let them control me.<P>I found that the following worked well for me:<BR>I made a list of the positive things that had happened since the affair (much the same situation as yours...very brief and ended at the revelation) and read it every morning to begin my day. I would quote it from memory to chase the negative thoughts away.<BR>I also posted some favorite Bible verses where I could read them quickly and would quote other easy ones mentally when the negative triggers hit.<BR>I would also practice "thought stopping." This is a practice of mentally asking yourself how the trigger makes you feel...the answer is bad of course. Then you tell yourself stop and change your thoughts to something positive. Takes effort, but it does work.<P>Check out the books Torn Asunder by Dave Carder and After the Affair by Janis Spring. Both have excellent information.....Torn Asunder is my personal favorite.<P>------------------<BR>"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31<P><BR>

Hey everyone...<P>Thanks so much for your suggestions, replies and advice. I will try hard redirect those triggers into positive ones.