antonia, I'm very sorry to hear of the loss of your son. I hope you have a GREAT counselor!

We've discussed here in the past how many affairs revolve around or relate to (sadly ironic) infertility, miscarriage, pregnancy, or loss of a child issues. In your case, the XOW got pregnant first(?or later--sorry I haven't read this whole thread), but what a tragic outcome for you both to deal with! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Men and women usually deal with grief differently and that really effects the marriage, very stressful. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> My Dh and I lost a baby at birth (as well as 3m/c)... his A started between the second and third loss; was very related, despite vowing that we wouldn't let it tear us apart. There was also a history of affairs in H's parents' marriage that we only recently learned of.

I'm rambling a bit. Will close for now. Keep trying on your marriage. Even if worse case scenario happens (divorce), I always wanted to be able to say I gave it my very best shot. Now we're 5y into recovery and very happy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Keep posting and God be with you,
"J"

antonia: When your h went for his blood test he would of also had to of given a finger print and or they would also take a picture of him or gotten a recent picture of him. When I called the lab took down both our names and I gave my address for xmm. They told me he would be able to have access to the lab report as well. Seeing it has everything to do with him anyway. If she does not mail those papers soon I'd have your h contact the lab. If he does not know who the lab is tell him to contact whoever took his blood and get the info from them. They have to know where they sent his blood to. Also you have to show ID when taking the test to prove you are who you are. The law is very cut and dry and in order for it to be legal there is no way to get around doing this without the above procedures.

<small>[ January 25, 2004, 09:47 AM: Message edited by: needtomoveon ]</small>

Dear Antoniablaze

I am so very sorry for your tragic loss. How terribly sad. I am glad Jenny responded to you because she knows better than anyone what that is like. Having a WS and an OC compounds the pain. Sometimes I wonder how much some of us are supposed to endure.

Just know you are in our prayers and thoughts. I hope your husband will contact the lab that did the bloodwork so he can follow the trail to the DNA results. Once you two know what that is, you will have the information you need to make decisions that are right for your marriage.

God bless

Catnip =^^=

Thanks for all of your support and prayers. You're right when you say that it all gets compounded, especially after the death of our son. There could be so many reasons why he did it but it still doesn't change what he did. It still doesn't change how he is going to have to work his butt off to have me as his wife again. Not legally but emotionally. He takes everything this woman says as truth and that bothers me. If I were him I would be all about getting proof. But he says he jusst can't handle seeing her and he doesn't want to deal with it right now. He says it's better for him to assume the worst than get his hopes up. I guess I can understand that because I am doing the same thing. But he said he would do it for me and the remote possibility of our future. We'll see. My new roommate just signed onto my lease and we took my husband off so it's been a hard day. So sorry if I have been rambling. Thanks for being here.

Carla

antonia: I forgot to mention how sorry I am for your loss. I can't even imagine the devastion it brought you and your h.
Also, your h does not need to contact the ow about the dna test. He can contact the lab directly, or whoever took his blood.

Thanks M,

I will mention that to him.