Originally posted by MALC on Married OW vs. Single OW thread:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> LYNN...I RESPECT YOU A GREAT DEAL .SAY WHAT YOU MEAN, MEAN WHAT YOU SAY. YOU HAVE THE GUTS OF A MILLION. IT'S TO BAD THERE ARE NOT MANY LIKE YOU. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP. YOU SAY EXACTLY WHAT YOU FEEL. I WISH MORE WOULD DO THE SAME.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">IMHO, the problem with that MALC, is if the FWS on this board were to do the same, I doubt we would receive much respect at all.

Speaking for myself, there are many times I want to speak my mind. Would love to say what I mean, mean what I say, etc... Especially during my time of withdrawal from x-om, but felt I would be disresptful to the BS on this board by going into the details of my very real pain at the time.

ALL of us that are working on our M after the A and resulting OC, whether we are the formerly wayward or the formerly betrayed, have a place here.

However if the majority of BS were to speak with the tone Lynn does, I'm afraid this would soon become a board for only the BS. I already see less and less postings from FWS, and that saddens me. We can learn from ALL sides of this painful issue of adultery and resulting OC.

I hope everyone realizes there IS A difference between WS and FWS. Come to think of it, even if a person is teetering between being a WS and FWS, (but genuinely seeking help and wanting to stay in their M), they should be respected and be given help. When I saw K, JL & Chris welcome back "facing choices", I was drawn to look up her old posts. She put everthing "out there", the good, the bad, and the ugly. She got flamed from time to time, but she also received valuable help from members who could see that she was genuine in wanting to save her marriage. Man, I wish I could be as OPEN as she was, I guess I'm just a chicken s**t though...maybe Lynn could help me with that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I remember hearing a long time ago that there used to be talk of people wishing there were 2 different P/C boards, one for people w/ C and one for people w/ NC. I sometimes wish there was one for FWS w/ OC and one for BS w/OC. Then I remind myself we can all learn from one another. I have gained so much insight,(not to mention a few friendships too!!) from BS, it helps tremendously to hear their POV. Do you as BS gain ANY insight from us, the FWS?

***Oh, and on a side note, in researching facing choices' former posts, I discovered JL's very first post...too cool!! This dude was a genius from day one!!!***

Hope you're all taking good care.

~autumnday

***edited to take the "o" out of genius, (goes to show you, I'm not one!)***

<small>[ January 25, 2004, 11:40 AM: Message edited by: autumnday ]</small>

Autumn...You put into words what the majority here seem to believe and agree with...and beautifully. Anyone who is RESPECTFUL of marriage and MB, who have the desire to rebuild, whether they be FWS, BS or FOW, should be made to feel welcome and part of the membership here on this site.

As for you censoring yourself, Autumn...remember you are anonymous and are free to speak your mind. No one knows who you are, where you live and no one will stalk you or throw eggs at your house. Feel free to mouth-off.

Love

Cat =^^=

<small>[ January 25, 2004, 12:03 PM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>

Autumnday,

I'm sorry you don't feel free to speak up on these forums. Have you ever really tried to do so? If so, what happened? Or have you based your fear to speak up as a result of seeing what happens when others do so? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I remember when FC came on MB. I remember her struggle. Reread FC's posts. Yes, she was "flamed" occasionally and sometimes dealt some "tough love" tactics. But notice her responses! She handled those posters with such class, never attacking the poster! She thanked them for their response to her post, restated her feelings and asked for more help and/or suggestions.

My personal opinion.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> .I don't think people here get "flamed", edited, banned, or reprimanded for voicing an unpopular idea, concept, theory or feeling as much as for personal attacks on other posters. It's OK to disagree. My gosh, wouldn't it be a boring world if we all agreed on EVERYTHING? There would be no need for a "discussion forum." Discussing is how we learn, how we grow, how we are able to expand our narrow little worlds.

The problems seem to arise when responses contain key phrases such as "What?? Are you _________(nuts, crazy, on drugs,etc Fill in the blank)" Or posts that speak in stereotypes, such as "ALL OW, ALL BW's, ALL OP, ALL WS's" That tends to get some of us that are still sensitive to a FORMER label very defensive.

If we could only remember---the poster is referring to THEIR personal situation and it should not be a reflection on everyone that perhaps can identify with it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Nerly...you are so smart. What a great explanation. You listening there, Autumn Buttercup?

Cat =^^=

Wish I was smart, Catnip!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

But, alas, I am just old, been-there-done-that, and far wiser now! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Dear Nrly~

Rarely have I spoken up, but when I have, it was to point out a severe generalization. The last time I did, I was told being a "remorseful" wayward is like a kid getting his hand caught in the cookie jar. Can't win em' all, I guess.

Some people just seem to refuse the belief a wayward can be remorseful for what they did, and not just because they got caught. In fact, there are some of us who didn't get caught, we confessed, but some don't seem to think there is any difference between the two anyway.

When I said there are times I would like to speak my mind, I was referring more to my personal story. I've just always felt, (and perhaps it's just my own perception), that I had no business as a FWW to reveal some of the things I was going through after the A. I came out of the fog almost instantaneously due to my circumstances, however, my withdrawal was painful and real. I thought to seek such help for what I was going through would be a slap in the face of all BS on this board.

I believe the withdrawal is over, but there has still not come a day that x-om has not crossed my mind. I think it's because of the baby. I've wanted to share the sad fact that OC looks a lot like x-om, and that as much joy as I find looking at my little one's face, it also pains me to look at him. I've thought I shouldn't express this, and other things because I'm afraid to hear people say, "well, what the heck did you expect?!?...get over it, etc..." For the record, they would be correct, so I don't really know what I'm afraid of. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Do you guys know you're the only ones I have shared any of my story with? I cannot even tell my best friend. It hurts to know she doesn't *really* know me. After my H, she is the one person I'm closest to in the whole world.

I guess sometimes I think the fact that I was a wayward, transcends so many things. One of the things being my ability to contribute opinions of any value, as well as my right to seek advice on some topics that may hurt others.

Sheesh, now I sound like I'm throwing myself a pity party. I'm really not, just trying to tell you that as a FWW, I am always measuring my words and thoughts. Hell, I purposely do NOT capitalize "x-om". Mostly I meausure my words because that's the type of person I am, and would hope that I would be careful of my words no matter what my label is on this board.

Dear Catnip~

A couple of very fine ladies DO have my address, but I believe they are above "egging" my house..."tp'g"?...now that I can see them doing!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Love you guys!

~aut

ps. Buttercup? Now I'm trying to recall some movie I think I saw recently that had a Princess Buttercup in it, and it's driving me crazy. Was there such a movie, or am I losing it?

autumn,

Rarely have I spoken up, but when I have, it was to point out a severe generalization. The last time I did, I was told being a "remorseful" wayward is like a kid getting his hand caught in the cookie jar. Can't win em' all, I guess.

Nor should you try. Your opinion it just that---YOUR OPINION--and you are entitled to that! As was the response to you--an opinion. It doesn't make them right and you wrong, autumn. BTW, as MOST of us know, being "caught" does not mean one can not be remorseful!

Some people just seem to refuse the belief a wayward can be remorseful for what they did, and not just because they got caught. In fact, there are some of us who didn't get caught, we confessed, but some don't seem to think there is any difference between the two anyway.

All the more reasons for you to state your feelings. By reading here and over time, even those who refuse to believe a FWS can be remorseful will eventually learn.

When I said there are times I would like to speak my mind, I was referring more to my personal story. I've just always felt, (and perhaps it's just my own perception), that I had no business as a FWW to reveal some of the things I was going through after the A. I came out of the fog almost instantaneously due to my circumstances, however, my withdrawal was painful and real. I thought to seek such help for what I was going through would be a slap in the face of all BS on this board.

It possibly would be to some, depending on where they were in recovery. However I seriously think clearly stating these are YOUR feelings and YOUR circumstances makes all the difference in the world when others read a post.

I believe the withdrawal is over, but there has still not come a day that x-om has not crossed my mind. I think it's because of the baby. I've wanted to share the sad fact that OC looks a lot like x-om, and that as much joy as I find looking at my little one's face, it also pains me to look at him. I've thought I shouldn't express this, and other things because I'm afraid to hear people say, "well, what the heck did you expect?!?...get over it, etc..." For the record, they would be correct, so I don't really know what I'm afraid of. Do you guys know you're the only ones I have shared any of my story with? I cannot even tell my best friend. It hurts to know she doesn't *really* know me. After my H, she is the one person I'm closest to in the whole world.

I think you are selling your friend short. I have a very dear friend and a family member that were at one time OW. Did I hate them when I discovered what they were doing? No, I still loved them. Hated their choices but loved them.

As to the baby--the baby is still little. Once he starts to develop a personality and becomes his own little person, I think you will look at him more as a separate individual and concentrate less on who he looks like.

I guess sometimes I think the fact that I was a wayward, transcends so many things. One of the things being my ability to contribute opinions of any value, as well as my right to seek advice on some topics that may hurt others.

Being a FWW does not make your opinion any less valuable, your insight any less important, your questions insignificant or your advice any less respected.

Sheesh, now I sound like I'm throwing myself a pity party. I'm really not, just trying to tell you that as a FWW, I am always measuring my words and thoughts. Hell, I purposely do NOT capitalize "x-om".

Well then join the club. As a FBW I also very carefully consider my posts before I respond. I'd hate to hurt someone's feelings even unintentionally. And I probably have done so in the past without even knowing it.

Mostly I meausure my words because that's the type of person I am, and would hope that I would be careful of my words no matter what my label is on this board.

And THAT right there is the key, autumn. It's not because you are a FWW. It's because "that's the type of person" you are. And that's not a bad thing. Now all you have to do is grow a thicker hide, learn to shrug off those that don't understand your situation. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Aut~ I think your first post on this subject was right on with how I feel too. This was the only forum that I knew of dealing with this subject. I spent many of hours reading the BS hurt and them venting but when I felt a need to vent when I was going through some events relating to my OC (even though I was really holding my tongue) it was like I was told I shouldn't. But I was told where to find a different board. So I don't think us FWW are welcome to vent here. I too had hoped they would give us a private forum because I think The WS with OC need a place. A private place where we can feel we can talk without feeling we are stepping on toes. We don't really fit in on the other board either if we are married with OC. But one of the things that make this forum what it IS- is that it's a place for the BS and WS and you can't get that anywhere else. BUT I still vote that if the BS has a private forum that the WS should have one too! Can we vote for one? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ January 25, 2004, 07:37 PM: Message edited by: mom of five ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by autumnday:
<strong> I thought to seek such help for what I was going through would be a slap in the face of all BS on this board.

=^^= No, not all....MOST of us seasoned veterans (with a couple exceptions) wouldn't bat an eye. Newer people who are experiencing relatively fresh pain might have some heartburn. But this is some of the more sensitive stuff that can go to Private. It is kind of a baptism by fire and you do have to develope a thick hide like Nerlycrzy explained. I think after the regulars get to know you and know you aren't also posting on TOW, are delighted to have anyone working on rebuilding their marriage as a member here. But, when all the conversation is about the OM more than what they are doing for their marriage, we get into trouble here. I've never seen that from you. But now that everyone has gotten to know you and you've been here a while, I think its safe to go back in the water.

I find looking at my little one's face, it also pains me to look at him. I've thought I shouldn't express this, and other things because I'm afraid to hear people say, "well, what the heck did you expect?!?...get over it, etc..."

=^^= And to reiterate, the ones who would say that are people who are relatively new to their own trauma and still enraged and grieving. People say mean things on both sides when they are hurt and angry. That's where the thick hide comes into play. Personally, I would love to hear your entire story. Why don't you let it out on Private?

One of the things being my ability to contribute opinions of any value, as well as my right to seek advice on some topics that may hurt others.

=^^= Well, it's time to take off the sackcloth and ashes and stop punishing yourself. I tell my husband the same thing. What is so ridiculous is that I forgave him long ago and never bring it up, but he apparantly still has the need to beat himself up. There has to be a statute of limitations here somewhere. You've earned the right to offer advice and contribute by having the desire to work the MB principles and save your marriage, Autumn, so please, kick in.

Love you guys!

=^^= We love you too!

ps. Buttercup? Now I'm trying to recall some movie I think I saw recently that had a Princess Buttercup in it, and it's driving me crazy. Was there such a movie, or am I losing it?

=^^= With Phoebe Cates?

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

<small>[ January 25, 2004, 06:29 PM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>

I agree an opinion is an opinion, and we are each entitled to them. However, I get a little miffed when I see opinion presented as fact. My mother was the type to consider her opinions as fact, and that always irked me.

That being said, my central thought when I began this thread was that I don't believe FWS would be so highly respected as others are if we spoke in the same tone as some do. So even if we had good, sound advice, BUT spoke harshly and in generalizations, I doubt very much we would be respected.

I don't want this to be a board war between WS and BS, I truly don't. When I said I sometimes wished for a separate forum for WS, I quickly followed that up by saying we can ALL learn from each other. Nrly, you are correct, what a boring world if we all carried the same opinions and views. I can't stand boring, yuck!! However, I know how 4Tori feels too, I feel a little misplaced here. I would feel even more misplaced at the "other board" though, so this is the place for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

As far as selling my best friend short, that's not the problem. I promised my H I would NEVER reveal to anyone what happened. He asked me to not tell anyone else after I revealed to him that I DID tell x-om. My H doesn't even like me coming here, but tolerates it and somewhat understands. In other words he knows my gift for gab, and also my need to analyze, figure things out, fix things, blah blah blah...

Thank you for the great responses, I appreciate it.

Take good care,

~autumn

autumn,

There was a time ("A long time ago!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) when there was only one board, and everyone posted everything on it. I do think that this helped make it a more respectful, thoughtful place. I hate to see the disrespect and anger dished out here---it makes no difference to me who's serving it up. They do no good when they behave in that manner.

Dear Dear Sweat Aut,

The movie you are searching for is "The Princess Bride"!!!! Sailorman and I often quote many lines from that movie.

As for you not feeling that you have anything of value to contribute, well, you do and as other's have said, you should NOT feel like you should be walking on eggshells. Especially now that you and your H are in recovery! Almost a year into recovery and I believe that you are doing very well!

One more thing, as for egging or tp'ing your house, we may be out your way this summer, so you better watch out <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />


You know that I love you!!!! Keep up on your recovery, and email me again sometime <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> especially since I replied a few days ago to your latest to me!

Tigger

*Princess Buttercup*

The movie was

"The Princess Bride"....

Pep

Hi Autumn
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">IMHO, the problem with that MALC, is if the FWS on this board were to do the same, I doubt we would receive much respect at all. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hear you, but I've always been told this board was for BS has this changed?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Speaking for myself, there are many times I want to speak my mind. Would love to say what I mean, mean what I say, etc... Especially during my time of withdrawal from x-om, but felt I would be disresptful to the BS on this board by going into the details of my very real pain at the time.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But you could have spoke up, there is a board that would allowed you to do just that. TOW by all means and they don't give a dam how BS feels.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">However if the majority of BS were to speak with the tone Lynn does, I'm afraid this would soon become a board for only the BS. I already see less and less postings from FWS, and that saddens me. We can learn from ALL sides of this painful issue of adultery and resulting OC.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">it seems to me more OW have in impact what is said on this board then BS sometimes I forget this is a site for BS sad but true.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> hope everyone realizes there IS A difference between WS and FWS. Come to think of it, even if a person is teetering between being a WS and FWS, (but genuinely seeking help and wanting to stay in their M), they should be respected and be given help. When I saw K, JL & Chris welcome back "facing choices", I was drawn to look up her old posts. She put everthing "out there", the good, the bad, and the ugly. She got flamed from time to time, but she also received valuable help from members who could see that she was genuine in wanting to save her marriage. Man, I wish I could be as OPEN as she was, I guess I'm just a chicken s**t though...maybe Lynn could help me with that. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Whats the difference? is it, one is home w/ BS and one is still in the fog is that it? Sometimes the FWS go back and forth with his feelings still playing games ask some OW here. I don't think you are chicken sh**t. I think you do very well in voicing your opinion. I Love LYNN spirit. I don't care who have a problem with it. Not saying you just MHO.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I remember hearing a long time ago that there used to be talk of people wishing there were 2 different P/C boards, one for people w/ C and one for people w/ NC. I sometimes wish there was one for FWS w/ OC and one for BS w/OC. Then I remind myself we can all learn from one another. I have gained so much insight,(not to mention a few friendships too!!) from BS, it helps tremendously to hear their POV. Do you as BS gain ANY insight from us, the FWS? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes I've learned a whole lot from OW. I've seen were some are remorseful, when a BS vent the ow who seem to be remorseful get offended. I ask myself why are they offened? I wonder have they really made peace with there situation, and if so why would they become offended. The only answered I can come up with they really haven't made peace with the devastation they have inflicted on another.I've learned when my gut tells me something it's usually true. I've learned not to be so gullible and believe what a person say. I learned people do things according to what they have gone through in life. I know if a women cheats knowing if the man is married she suffers from low self worth and the same for the HUSBAND

I've learned how devastating this situation is for everyone especially the BS &BC but what gets me is when a BS such as LYNN voice her opinion you have the same BS who's life been turn upside down from this attack her because she voice how she feels this disturbs me.

I know my life will never be the same because of this I have trust issues and I know why. It just seem people forget were they came from. Everyone heals differently and not at the same time. Even though I have forgiven my H. I still have triggers. I'm still constantly reminded of this situation.My H has moved back here. We are not together, to much pain has been inflicted. We are friends he will do what ever he can for me, But I think he will never understand the full effect of what has happened unless he goes through it then again I don't think so. Even though he has gone through something simular with OW in other words she did to my H what he did to me.
He still don't have a clue what happened to me.This has made me a more caring person. I just pray if this happeneds again I won't become heartless. This is what (I think) happened to a lot of OW they have been hurt , they become heartless and didn't care who they hurt after all someone hurt them.

I've seen the trickery, I've seen so much I ask myself what is the driving force behind all this. The answer I come up with is hurt people hurt people. IMHO I don't care how far you are in your recovery, there are trigger reminders. If we are honest with ourself, we all have them if you been devastated by this. You may go through 1 or 2 yrs with no triggers then all of a sudden here comes the big one. So befor you all jump on the band wagon to defend a WS or FWS please find out whats going on with the BS or (LYNN)she's a victim in all of this no matter how long ago this has happened to her it happened. Lynn and other BS are not exempt from feeling this pain long after recovery it can happened.When I first came to MB, no OW could not come here talking trash they were reminded THIS SITE IS FOR BS. Now tables seem to have turned. BS vent about ow you have other BS reprimanding her for venting maybe because some BS here are not in the CLICK you know what I mean, were is the concern that use to be for the BS. Once again if FWS OW has made peace with the situation and goes to a site were it was mainly for BS and they get offended the question they need to ask themselves have they really made peace. BS who have recovered, are you so up on your high chairs that you forget we all recover at different rates have you forgotten that.This is not said to demean or offened just a reminder.Trust for me is something that is earned. FWS & WS here on MB trust is something you have to work at in your marriages shouldn't the same be applied here. We all sit behide our PC telling our stories some may be true, some may not, but still that is a friendship that is earned. Not everyone will like the person you like on these boards just because they tell you they are remorseful does that mean they really are? Just a question.

MALC when you go to the marriage discussion forums page...and you read the print under pregnancy/child private forum it says that it is for someone dealing with infidelity involving a child for the BS or WS. So I would assume that this forum is for the same with the basis being working on your marriage to overcome this situation...and building a healthy marriage using it's principles. That is what I thought this board was when I found it. But I could be mistaken!

MALC and others:

As defined in Private, I assume the same applies for P/C Public as well.

It states: "A(n) area for those who are dealing with pregnancy or children resulting from THEIR OWN or their spouse's infidelity".

Stated Requirement: "...a demonstrated understanding of Marriage Builders principles and concepts".

Further stated: "...following the Marriage Builders rules and policies".

To me it obviously means that ANYONE (BS, WS, FWS, FOW, etc) whether they are dealing in THEIR OWN or THEIR SPOUSE'S infidelity, are welcome here as long as they adhere to the MB polcies, rules, principles and concepts and are actively rebuilding their marriage. So if you are looking for a site that is entirely BS, I'm not sure where you would find that or if it even exists.

FOW rebuilding their marriages have every right to be here and voice their opinions, offer advice to others still suffering and contributing to the conversations.

Catnip =^^=

<small>[ January 25, 2004, 10:48 PM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>

thanks catnip for trying to say what I was looking for! I knew I had read that all somewhere.

On one other note, specifically dealing with Autumnday, she is NOT an OW, she is a FWW. Her xOM was not married, and therefore, can not, and should not be catagorized in the OW area.

One other thing, having been on BOTH sides of the betrayed/betrayor coin, it hurts just as bad, once you are in a true recovery! As a BS it hurts what has been done to you, and as a WS it hurts to realize the pain that you have inflicted on your spouse!

So, to tell a FWS to go to TOW to post is just as bad as an OW coming here and telling someone that their H is a worthless slime for choosing NC! It has been stated over and over again that this board(not just P/C) is for those who are working on, supporting those who are working on beginning or rebuilding their M's, not JUST the BS!!!! I don't always agree with what Lynng has to say, but most of what she says is really good advice. Sometimes it can be harsh and others it's with just the right tone.

Everyone is entitled to reply to whomever they wish, but that doesn't mean that when they don't reply that it doesn't bother them! I used to post all the time on both boards(private and public), but now don't post a whole lot anymore. As many oldies have said, the flow of the board has changed. I know that there used to be many things that I'd share on the public board that I will NEVER post about again. And, before you go telling me to go to TOW, I have EARNED the respect and trust of MANY on both the private and public P/C board, and in turn respect and trust many right back.

As it is said, everyone is allowed to have their own opinion, but before you go throwing around "nicknames"(ie OW/FOW), and telling them they don't belong on this board, check the person out first. If you don't like what that person has to say, ignore it, or relpy, but also remember that it may not be directed at you!


Aut,

I, too, used to walk on eggshells! You should see my first post, and how I was not really flamed, but firmly pointed in the right direction! I think that you are doing the right thing! Especially if you feel you would be hurting someone's feelings with a specific post or thought. That was one of the reason's I got you my email so quickly! When I first came to the boards, there was one or two other's in our position, but, they rarely posted to me, and never offered any contact beyond the board!

If you feel that what you want to say would hurt someone, then either try to reword it, or don't post it. I have kept quiet many times, even now, as I know that what I may have to say would step on some toes, especially on the public board!

But, you know what, I think that if you feel it would help from the FWS's pov, say what you have to say! I see you as someone who was NOT caught with your hand in the cookie jar, or trying to avoid your "punishment"! I see you as someone who KNOWS she did wrong to her H and family, and wants to repair the damage you've done! You keep up the good work, and enjoy your recovery.

For what it's worth, you have my trust and respect and support!

Love ya!!!!

Tigger

Greetings

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But you could have spoke up, there is a board that would allowed you to do just that. TOW by all means and they don't give a dam how BS feels.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So, to tell a FWS to go to TOW to post is just as bad as an OW coming here and telling someone that their H is a worthless slime for choosing NC! It has been stated over and over again that this board(not just P/C) is for those who are working on, supporting those who are working on beginning or rebuilding their M's, not JUST the BS!!!! I don't always agree with what Lynng has to say, but most of what she says is really good advice. Sometimes it can be harsh and others it's with just the right tone.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Its not the same,I don't know how you came to that conclusion. It is your conclusion definitely not mine, but you are entilted to think and feel the way that you do.Please got back and read what Autummn reply.I never told her directly to go there she spoke about how reluctant she was to post about her withdrawl from om. I told her she could have spoken or vented (if she felt she going to hurt a BS doing that time in her life. There was a board that would have allowed her to do just that. Please go back and read. I here people say it all the time go over to TOW so why is it different for me. Like I said before I guess I'm not in the click of things.

I also understand, this site is for everyone. What I was hearing when an OW come here and express her veiws she was told go over TOW. This was stated by veteran BS from my understanding this was the reason why the private board came about. BS wasn't able to vent without ow taking it personal. I can stand to be corrected if I'm wrong

As it is said, everyone is allowed to have their own opinion, but before you go throwing around "nicknames"(ie OW/FOW), and telling them they don't belong on this board, check the person out first. If you don't like what that person has to say, ignore it, or relpy, but also remember that it may not be directed at you!

(Once again please read) Why accuse me of something that has be implimented on these boards before I got here. These nicknames were used on a regular, no one had a problem with them before. It goes back to what I said earlier if people get offend over the nicknames or etc. JMHO then they haven't made peace with there situation you have created. If you are a OW or fws then so be it but please don't tell me not to use a label that is used freguently on this board.I will use this as I see fit. Not flameing if the shoe fit wear it well, if it's not your size why try it on.

I'm not here to start anything. I'm just giving my opinion. I will not allow no one to tell me what labels to use when this has been the norm. I'm feeling that I'm being picked on and will not tolerate that from anyone here on MB or anywhere else for that matter. .I will continue to voice my opinion and mean no disrespect to no one. I will not walk on eggshells neither.Have a blessed day. As far as telling someone were to go, I don't even have to do that it's echoed her quite often.