I have been here reading almost everyday since I joined last month and I have to thank those of you who knocked me into the real world. I have only posted once and that was to Kt awhile back when she asked about C with OC. I had responded that I never considered NC because it was not the childs fault, why punish the OC? Well I realize now that in my heart NC is really what I wanted I was just afraid to admit it. I was afaraid of what kind of person I would be perceived as. Maybe a wicked step-mother? Or the one who kept a child away from her father.

Our OC is 15 and we just found out about OC in June. H told me about the A when it happened but H and I never new about OC. We had healed and moved on and have a wonderful life and family. Since finding out we have spent lots of time with OC even though she lives a couple hours away we get her as often as she wants to come. OC is a pretty good kid but I think she manipulates H and that upsets me. OC and I get along fine but I resent the fact that my children get the shaft because all of a sudden we are having to pay an outrageous amount of $ that we were not used to paying. I feel so guilty that I hope the newness will wear off and pretty soon she won't want to come to visit. At OC's age it is totally up to her, so I believe she will soon be so involved in her teenage life that she won't want to leave her friends especially because her mother is a lot more lienient than we are. Which is another problem in itself. I know that she would be much better here in a home with rules and real values. So here again I am torn with what is "right" for OC and my own feelings. I think I could deal better with the idea of the OC if her mother would fall off the earth. I wish all the answers were easy to find and my head and heart would agree with each other. NE*ways thanks for helping me find the truth within myself and now I am able to admit it.

"I can do all things Thru Him who strengthens me."

WoW <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I know exactly what you mean. Why are we so afraid of what others think? I mean we have very good and valid reasons so let "others" think on that!

I am glad you can be honest now, before it was too late and it ate you up. I think it's such a shock (having C) @ first that it's hard to think straight.

Yah, I'm sure the "newness" will wear off and OC will get back to her ohter life. Teenage girls are all about the drama, I remember being one. (sigh) I had 2 parents in the home and I still tried to manipulate and if it didn't work with them then there was always grandma! lol

I understand about the CS. It's painful. You are not protected and that is a painful reality. First your loved ones (H) let you down and then an unemotional legal system (that's FOR kids) lets you down. It kind of gives you that "trapped" feeling doesn't it?

It's hard to adjust your lifestyle for a "paycut" but only 3 more years for you right? or are there arrears too?

When we first got served we were shocked @ the amount the DA ws proposing, so we made sure to go to the hearing so they could see that there was no way we could afford that. Well, judge said I could get a job (besides the fact that OC was being entitled to more support then my 2 (@ the time, now 3) combined) and we ended up being "obligated" to more than the proposal. (DA insisted H was making "signifigantly more" than previous year, ignoring the fact that job was seasonal and H hadn't made "more" in the past 3 years)If we knew that was gonna happen we would not have shown up and wasted our time, and then met OW and OC to begin with. It stings.

Well, I'm sure it will settle down soon. Remember to stay focused on your marriage, YOU and your family.

Take care.

There are so many lifestyle adjustments it is unreal. The "paycut" is one of many. OC is only in 9th grade so we have until graduation day to pay her mother and that is what it boils down to. Mother does not work and OC never has all things she needs but that is another story. Mother sought arrears back through pregnancy but since she never informed H judge ordered that we only pay one year back pay. Whew!!!

I am sure things will settle down and work out.

I have to wonder though what if I would have admitted back then that I wanted NC and we would just pay the CS and life would still be the same here in my happy little life. We have 4 children of our own and to be real honest thay are my main concern. I asked H what he would have done if I would have told him I did not want C and he said Our family is his top priority as well.

Oh well there are so many "what ifs" it does no good to even think on them. Thanks for responding, you have been a real inspiration to me since I have come here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

arghhh! the login monster ate my reply <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Well....ughhh! It's just not the same when you have to retype it. Any way.....

my last line was....
Maybe we can comiserate together or at least encourage each other.

Kt,
I would like that very much and could use an ear every now and then.

<small>[ February 04, 2004, 01:49 PM: Message edited by: ktbunch ]</small>