I am new to this board, but not new to MB. (See my sig line) MB has helped so much when I found out about the A's. My WH came home in December after almost 5 years. We had a wonderful Christmas and were rebuilding our relationship.

Then the bomb drops - OW is pregnant. WH still doesn't know yet. She called the house. I told her not to call here and hung up. She called back and left a message on our phone voice mail - It's an emergency WH needs to call, don't worry it's not romantically blah blah.

Then she called back again and said I'm pregnant, didn't want to announce it to the whole family. Then went on to say F the family I've told you that for a year, and oh BEACHBABY, I'm sorry, he told me he didn't love you. Last one he talked me out of, this one she's keeping even if you stay married.

Just when things were beginning to get good. I don't have to explain how horrible it is and how much pain and anger. I keep saying "OH MY GOD"

If it is true and if it is my H's then she will be a part of our lives from now on and that pisses me off (which of course is what she wants) I just can't imagine getting thru this right now but I know I will, not with my own strength, but with His.

I told one other person and it turns out that it happened to her years ago. She prayed for me this morning and read me scriptures on the phone.

How do you get thru this? What issues are we likely to face? I am still in shock. Help!

D.

sorry i can't write much now but i think i mat have some thoughts on your situation that may help you deal with your dilema.

I also just found out Friday night that the OW is pregnant and have many of the same questions. I posted on another board and have not gotten any advise so far.

My whole story can be found at Just Found Out (Lost and Confused), but basically OW is someone my husband met through work 4 years ago. They had an PA then (which I also just found out about Friday). They decided to "do the right thing" and my H came home to me and our 2 kids. He says that he and OW has been fighting their feelings since this time, but had stayed apart. Approximately 3 months ago they bumped into each other again, and the whole PA started again. H decided to move out, but the last 2 weeks he has been spending alot of time at home. We have been talking and everything seemed to be improving. He said he had decided that he wanted to come home and try to save our marriage. Now he has found out that the OW is pregnant. I found a letter that OW wrote which said that he had until Friday to decide or they were through. H is home, but thinks he should move out into an apartment until he can decide what he wants to do.

I am so confused. Obviously, I still love my H and want to save my marriage unless I wouldn't be here looking for help. I am still in shock over the baby thing. I have told him that I think we can work through this if he really wants to, but he will forever have a connection to OW. I want to believe that I can accept this child. I am so confused. Any advice would be appreciated.

Beachbaby, how you doing today? I had a really rough day. Since Friday I have been up and down like a yo yo. Not sleeping or eating much, just really confused. If you want to talk, I'm here. Maybe we can figure this out together. I am still waiting for the reality of all this to really set in, which won't be until Sept. when OC is born. I have no idea how to handle this. One day at a time I guess. I just keep remembering that God doesn't give us any more than we can handle. I guess that makes us tough people. Talk to you soon, Kris

Hi Kris,

WOW, you must be blown away. That's a lot to deal with at one time. Although in my case, it's been a lot over a long period of time. I 1st found out about his A's in 2001 & MB shortly afterwards. I did a modified plan A ( we lived 1200 miles apart but owned a business together)The MB principles really work no matter what the outcome. I am a much better person for it. It turns out that my WH was watching me & noticed that I had a (happy)life of my own without him. He had trouble with OW on and off and he would make jestures toward comming home but it wouldn't happen.

We did talk on Sunday morning & it turns out that she has been with 2 other guys. He wasn't even sure that she was pregnant - that she was doing this to piss me off and hurt me and our family. Or that she may have gotten herself pregnant on purpose. (my thoughts too.)He said to wait and see what happens - is she really pregnan, if so , to have a dna test done, then go from there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

We had a really good talk but I am not fully confident that he is fully present here with me. That may take a while to rebuild my trust in him and depends on what he does or doesn't do.

I know I will be OK either way. My world is rocked when I find out about this crappy stuff, but I know that I will get thru it and that God will take care of me. He always does.

Kris, consult with one of the Harley's if at all possible. I talk with Steve from time to time and find it invaluable.

Blessings,

D.

Hi pops,

Write when you can - it is very much appreciated.

D.

hello ladies, I was starting to reply the other day but I'm having computer problems......

Aney way, sorry that you are here but you are in the right place.

Breathe, make sure you get plenty of rest and some excercise (even a walk around the block will be very beneficial) and eat right. I know it's hard but you need to stay focused.

Kris M, I wrote to you on your thread and I will probably say about the same things here.

You are NOT alone and you have choices. If you want your marriage to stay together it can.

About OC, it has been the consensus to not allow any $$$ to change hands before a DNA test is done, nothing, nada. Also, if you have BC (betrayed children) to look into getting a legal seperation done so that you and your children will get CS set up FIRST. Otherwise OW & OC will always come first no matter what and you and your BC will only get left overs.

YOUR responsibility is to your marriage and BC. Focus on that and try not to think of OC @ all. OC is an innocent victim and SO ARE YOUR BC AND YOU!

You have choices too about C(contact) or NC (no contact) w/ OC. But that is further down the road.

Your faith will help you more than anything. Love your children and watch out for them during this time too. They may get just as stressed and emotional over this and it will take more to keep an eye on them when you are also struggling so much. Keep an eye out if they have any symptoms you might be having. They can pick up on the stress in the home. Treat them to a night out just like you might need. Take a walk with them. LAUGH with them.

We are all here (and have been there)if/when you need us. Take care.

bb,,,,,,,,, sorry you had to move over here from the other forum. i do read on the emotional needs forum quite often but since that forum moves so fast i don't post there. although i have seen some interesting threads. i also thought it was cool that many posted their pics on that one thread. i don't have the knowledge or equipment to do that but i am always curious to put faces to the names and stories of the wonderful people i have met on this board. they are truly some lion hearted souls. God has blessed them all with such great amounts of wisdom, forgiveness and compassion that you don't see much of in the world today.

i was going to start with "is your h totally commited to rebuilding your marriage?" until i read your 2nd post. so the good news is "good" one problem solved.

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"I'm sorry, he told me he didn't love you" and "My WH came home in December after almost 5 years. We had a wonderful Christmas and were rebuilding our relationship.

Then the bomb drops - OW is pregnant.
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sorry they are backwards. this is stuff that ow is surely saying because she is probably feeling like 2nd fiddle since for 5 years she thought he was hers. to her you are the ow now. i guess what goes around comes around. also about the not loveing you crap you have to remember that your h was obviously confused and trying to make his home a happy one while is was "in the fog". i am sure fh told her om that i never paid attention to her and she didn't love me at that time of her life also. that's pretty standard stuff from people who are in the midst of an A i would say. you should let that crap roll off your back like water on a duck.

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Last one he talked me out of, this one she's keeping even if you stay married.
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i am not trying to make light of your plight but on the positive side you have to be glad that this is not your h's 2nd oc. i would guess that you never even knew about the 1st one anyway. not saying that abortion is right or wrong but in this case it sure made life a little easier on you.

hey your h lived with this woman for a long time you know darned well they were intimate during that time. pregnancy is just one result of that action. what i would be questioning in your shoes is how sure is he that he wants to be back and WHY? he was obviously burning his candle at both ends while he was considering comeing home if he knew nothing of here current condition. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> i would ask if he truly wants to be back or if he just wants out of his situation with ow because she wasn't true to him. since she has had other men you need to insist on dna testing. who knows your luck may be on a roll. 2 for 2 wouldn't be a bad average to carry in this type of scenerio. and make sure you find a good attorney that has dealt with this particular situation before. many attorneys just assume this is another cs case and don't really put much effort or research into the case. i would also be concerned about std's and make sure you and h get checked out. you don't even have to give your h any ammunition about mistrusting ow's cleanliness. just the fact that she had other men and you never know where THEY have been should be enough.


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she will be a part of our lives from now on and that pisses me off
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try looking at it this way, your h lived with this woman for about 5 years. like it or not, oc or not she will be a part of your life one way or another anyway. if she was not present then there would be some trigger that would remind you of these past 5 yrs somewhere and she would be as big as life when they were pulled. they could be as small as an innocent comment during one of your h's conversations or maybe even the talk of another business trip to the area where she resides. who knows?

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(which of course is what she wants
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this is also natural because like i said earlier she is probably looking at you as her ow now

.............................
Or that she may have gotten herself pregnant on purpose. (my thoughts too.
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this part doesn't matter anymore so don't waste your time dwelling on it or even being angry over it because it won't change a thing. work on your marriage now and look at the good side you don't have to deal with her until after she has her baby and decides to come after your h for cs. if she does. then you 1st get the dna testing done and you should have your legal ducks in a row since you have planned ahead with your attorney.

BB

I am so sorry to hear of your trouble. Just when you thought your nightmare was over and you were going to rebuild after five long years, you get such devastating news. I don't know what to tell you except how sorry I am.

God bless

Pops
Thanks for the reply. The first board I went to on MB was GQ & stayed there for quite a while. Eventually I went to the DV board because that's where I thought we were heading. It was smaller & developed some great friends there. We even met in NYC for lunch - it was great! Occasionally late at night or weekends, I would go to EN but didn't find much there for me.

So now I am here, and thankful that there are others who have gone before me that are like beacons of light to me now.

FWH told me that if OW was really pregnant than she would have told (friend) who would have called. I checked with another mutual friend today who had talked to the first one & he didn't say anything either.

I thank God that none of this happened in my face. It was 1200 miles away, where FWH grew up. I know many of his friends who kept me updated, but at least I don't have to worry about running into her at the grocery store.

They were together 2 -1/2 years and he told me that she wasn't a bad person. (Not what I want to hear - it would be easier to hear she was horrible) But, it is what it is. I know OW is pissed, is trying to find love and happiness in the wrong places and it just doesn't work.

Yesterday morning, FWH told me about an idea that he had that was a mission for him back where he grew up (and spent the last few years).It's kind of a long story but that explained some things to me. I had been called to pray for FWH & now I know it concerned the mission. Also, that the evil is always out there and if my FWH was on a mission, he was out to attack and he did and FWH let him. Rejoice Ministries has helped a lot in that area.

Sorry for rambling, it helps to get things out.

pops, I don't know your story but appreciate your input. I can tell you have a lot of character


Catnip thanks for the reply

Blessingd

D.

I FOUND OUT HOW TO ACCESS MY OLD ACCOUNT -

BEACH BABY IS BACK TO WILL GET THRU THIS

bLESSINGS,

d.

Well,
I'm not proud to admit I'm new to this situation.. the thing that surprises me is how many other people are going through this same thing. I am 8 months preg, back in Sept., my H moved to SC for a job. My 2 1/2 yr old daughter and I stayed behind to wrap things up and sell our home (in OH). Well, it took longer than anticipated and we only got to see each other every couple of weeks or so, until Jan. when we were finally able to all live together again as a family. Well, around XMAS time, I really noticed some changes in H, owed it up to depression-- not being w/ his family, living on his own, etc. I questioned him about someone else, but he denied it, and I probably just accepted it b/c I didn't want to face this possibility. Well, as soon as I moved down, it was apparent that there had been an A. I cried alot, didn't take care of myself, COULDN'T take care of my daughter, and just about fell apart. I still think a death is an easier thing to accept than the kind of betrayal that has occurred. In any case, as we mutually agreed to attend counseling, the communication b/w OW and H did not end completely. I found out 3 weeks later that she was preg. and it was most likely his C. Talk about devestation. I want absolutely nothing to do w/ this C. I have two of my own to be concerned about and as selfish as it sounds, my children come first. They need their father. This other C, if it is his (and only DNA testing will confirm this in the fall) I want nothing to do with. I don't even want HIM to have anything to do w/ it. I feel like this should be his punishment for the sin he has committed. He and I have been apart for the past 2 weeks, I went back to OH to think things out, he stayed to think as well. He says he wants us to try to work it out. The OW (separted w/ 2 other C ) has moved in w/ friends, afraid that she may lose her C due to the A and preg as her husband is confident the C is not his own.
How do you get past the awkwardness of the situation? I feel like I'm living w/ a stranger. How do you start again? When will I feel secure again? Will I ever?

romon4,

Welcome you to Marriage Builders. Not a good situation to find yourself in but you have found a great site with lots of information and support!!

I'd like to encourage you to start your own thread so you can get your own individual advice and support. Copy your post above,,click on "new topic" at the bottom of this post and "copy/paste" it on a new topic.

You are NOT alone. Unfortunately there are far too many here in the same or similar shoes. There IS hope and you CAN make it through this!!

Waiting to see YOUR new thread come up!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />