Hey folks, we have two new members. Both are BS (betrayed spouses) and both are women.
I hope some of the other oldies will stop by and welcome them.

Ladies, I am truly sorry to welcome you to the board. I remember what it felt like 3.5 years ago when I learned of H's affair and child by stumbling across pictures of the three of them together on one of his business trips. Total and complete devestation. I don't know how I remembered to breathe.

Things do get better. whether you choose to stay married or not, you can and will heal. I know that right now you don't want to hear that time will help, but it truly does. Please post here often, get some counseling for yourselves and some marriage counseling. Please read all of the materials on this site that the Harelys make available free of charge.

Marriages can recover from this issue and nothing says that OW has to become part of your lives. Don't jump into contact with OC right away. Ask your husbands for a break from contact while you concentrate on healing your marriages. Divorce and contact with OC are decisions that should be made after a matter of many months or a year. They are huge life decisions and deserve to be made with a cool head, after counseling and time to reflect.

Also, do as much of your venting here as possible. We are all filled with rage at the beginning of this, but dumping it into your marriage is not helpful for repairing your marriage--despite how justified you are in your anger. I really spewed vile and filthy things around our house for the first couple of months after Discovery Day (D-day). It temporarily made me feel better, but I was often shocked and sickened the next day by what I had said. Nothing I said furthered our marriage and only left me feeling sick and guilty because it was so untypical of me.

If you need it, go to your doctor for a prescription for an anti-depressant and possibly a mild tranquilizer to see you through the first couple of months.

Hope you post often. The sooner you hit that magic number, the sooner you can join the private board.

Blessings,
MJ