Hey everyone! Not much happening here, just felt the need to check in. H and I are spending the weekend together without the kids. Time that I think we need, but I'm nervous. It feels so ackward to be around my H right now. I hate this separation. I feel like my life is in limbo. I have no idea where I stand with my H. One minute he says that this separation is for us - I still don't understand this logic. Anyway, I found the cell phone bill the other day and I know he has been in contact with OW. I don't know what to believe. I knew this would happen if he moved out. I can't trust him, I am filled with all kinds of doubts, my mind is filled with all kinds of crazy thoughts when he is not home. I am so tired of being consumed with this mess 24/7. I have good days, but alot of bad days still. I just can't make any progress with H if he is not living at home. Wish me luck for this weekend. I hope I have a better sense as to where my marriage is heading after. Thanks for listening.

Kris

The weekend with my H was okay - not what I hoped for. He mostly acted like he didn't really want me around. I went home Sat. afternoon instead of staying another night. He says he feels that he is being pulled in too many directions and to give him more time. I'm just not sure what to believe. I get the feeling that he is still trying to make up his mind as to which woman he wants to be with.

Anyway, I have decided to concentrate on me and my kids' happiness. If its time he wants - let him have it. He has put us all through so much and yet all he can think about is how he is being effective by it all. What does he think the kids and I are going through??? Anyway, I will focus and the kids and me and our future. If he wants to be apart of that than that is a choice he will have to make soon.

Talk to you later,
Kris

Hi Kris,

I am sorry to hear yet another woman has to go through this mess.

I would just like to say you should follow the legal advice you have gotten from other ladies on this forum, since your H seems to be determined to "be out there" right now.

I know where you are cuz I have been there, in my H's case it was all about selfishness, he lived w/ OW for 8 months during pg. & after birth, "dating" me the whole time. From day one always said he didn't want to give up on our marriage but he needed to bond w/ OC. I don't know how I endured those 8 months except by the grace of God. During that time he knew how much I was hurting but took his own sweet time about deciding when he felt he was ready to come back home. I heard the bull@#!% too about being pulled in different directions, like I care about what OW wanted or needed. I definitely do not agree w/ separation looking back on my experience, even though I threw him out, too many doors get opened while a WS is out of the home, not to say you can't reconcile & have a stronger marriage than ever, that is what I am currently praying for & I will pray that for you also.

Concentrating on yourself & your kids is the best thing you can do right now & try not to let this situation consume your life, easier said than done I know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

God Bless,
BG

I just spent the last week or so going through the worst "anger" I have ever felt. I just felt so consumed with the anger I felt towards H and the absolute hatred I feel towards OW. I am really sorry I didn't post during this time because you all seem to help me so much, but I did continue to read the posts here.

Last Friday (3/5), the kids spent the night at "Dad's". It was the worst. As they were leaving, my youngest just started to cry. She did not understand why the whole family couldn't be together. They made it through the night and so did I. I took a hot bath, read a book, and did I lot of thinking - which is where all the anger began. Thinking about how all this is effecting my kids angers me the most. The kids ended up having a good time. However, on Sunday my D said that she did not sleep well because she was not comfortable. I was thinking that is because she slept on floor. She said, no Mommy, I was not comfortable because I missed you. Then she said, now I miss Daddy. I just wanted to cry and scream at my H. I wish the kids made these comments in front of him. But anytime they are together, they are so happy to see him that they all have a fun time together. When they are home with me, they make these comments, the act up, and they have a moody Mom to deal with. My poor kids. It just seems so unfair. My H gets to run away from the mess he is making and have nothing but fun with the kids. Again, who is being punished for his actions!! Not him!!

Anyway, I feel that anger coming back just talking about it. This week I have done a lot of praying and soul searching. Its a struggle everyday, and things seem to be getting better. I purchased myself a present. I bought a cross pendant with mine and my children's birth stones in it. I am going to wear this all the time as a reminder as to what I need to focus on. I am focusing on letting God take control of this situation and I am focusing on my kids' and my happiness. I pray that my H will come to his senses soon, but I am back to focusing on what is more important.

This whole situation has made me realize that I have absolutely no control of my life, and neither does my H anymore. I have given that control to God. He will lead me where I need to be. I will trust Him and only Him. I am going to fight all this anger that the Devil is tempting me with and let God handle it. I am feeling better each day, and when I find myself slipping, I hold my cross in my hand and refocus.

Thanks for listening to me ramble. One last thing I wanted to share is in the Just Found Out forum, someone posted a thread entitled "Let Go, Let God". When I read it I really decided to refocus my thinking. God help me to continue this and keep all the bad under control. I know that if my M doesn't survive, God will enable me to survive and provide for me and my kids.

Kris,

I am glad to hear you are focusing on GOD instead of trying to change what you can't.

I am sorry that your children are having such a problem, I can't imagine what that must be like for them, & it is not fair that they have to deal with it, but this situation if not fair to anyone. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I pray that I too can get to the point, where I am totally trusting God to see me through this situation, & not my H.

God will keep you & your children through this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

H has been living in his apt for a little over a month now. Says he is still undecided about what he wants. I am still trying my hardest to focus on me and kids, but find myself a little impatient with his inability to make a decision. This is really starting to take its toll on the kids. My oldest is going through behavior problems at school - so now his teacher and guidance councelor now what is going on. I had a long talk with H last Monday about how this is effecting the kids and what his priorities should be - his marriage and kids. I just feel that the OW is using pregnacy to confuse him even more. I know H is still in the fog and I am afraid to do or say anything that might push him to OW, but I hate what this is doing to BC. Any advice?? I just can see so much how the OW is using this baby to latch on to H. Should I point this out to H? Or will he see that as an attack on OW? Which it is, but it isn't. I care about my H and I do not want him to continue to make these horrible decisions. I know what is best for my BC is that their father come home, but I can't get him here. Do I keep pushing or sit back and hope that he doesn't get swayed too much by OW?