I know I felt that way I wished I had could have anywhere else on earth on "delivery day". My sister actually told me that the OC was born, I then went to the hospital the next day to see OW & OC. H came in & wasn't man enough to talk to both of us.

That sounds like a really good idea, being out of town at the time of delivery. As long as you & H stay on the same page, this should go a lot smoother than you think. Once OW finds out she has no power & can't use OC as a weapon to come between you, she most likely won't go away quietly, but she will eventually give up. She has to be put in her place now. Your H standing w/ you is the best way to get her there.

God Bless,
BG

Boy they sure do like touse oc as a weapon don't they? It's like they see oc as some badge of honor and that they are forever allowed to insinuate themselves into your life.

If you choose contact, then they cry that the BW is around the child. They expect the MM to spend time as a family unit with her and oc. When that doesn't happen, they get tweaked. That is why I think nc is best way to go. Send the check and move on with your life. It's easier on everybody.

Sunny, as long as you keep communicating, you and your husband will get past this and be fine. Your ow may finally be getting the fact that she doesn't matter. But you just keep it up!

Plan that cruise and enjoy.

asked by Sunny:
If there are OW out there maybe you can shed so light.

Sunny: I can't speak for your xow in your case. I can only speak for myself. Remember you asked and you may not like what I say.....but here goes.
I felt alot of guilt in the affair, but jusified every action I did. As well as xmm did too, or else it would of never happened. It took both of us for this to happen (not just pregnancy the affair itself as well). I for the life of can't figure out why your xow would be so hell bound NOT to have a DNA test done so I just don't understand that to begin with. It protects every person in this mess. For me like I said I was justifing my actions. I was getting to a point that I knew I needed to get out of it though. It was not completely there and I think I had to get slapped in the face and butt to make it happen. Besides some other life altering things that have happened in my life this probaly was the worse self inflected wound I've ever had. I did this to myself. I have no problem with xmm staying in his marriage. I was very hurt at first, but I still did not go after him or his wife and I did not show up or call them to pester them. Xmm and I had certain agreements and I fulfilled all but have an abortion or adoption. I never agree to it to begin with, but out of everything he asked of me except those two things I did. Don't go there...that is another thread. He did not fulfill any of his. His wife just found out a few weeks ago. He asked me for a DNA test through amino as soon as possible....I said sure. Made two appointments and he did a no show for both. I knew he would not leave his wife for me. We had a 13 month long affair. If he was going to leave his wife it would of been long before this happened....why should this be any different. He has chosen nc and that is fine with me. I think it's best for me. Not my daughter but me. I also know if he wants to get his money's worth of the cs that my daughter will be spending time with his wife and kids and extended family. It's just the way it is. There is nothing I can do about that. I don't forsee it happening though. I tried to apoligize to his wife when she called me to cuss me out stating that her husband had nothing to do with my pregnancy, but you just let her talk and then let her hang up. So I did. I have too much on my plate to worry about there marriage, or what she thinks of me right now. I am not saying I don't feel bad, I do. I just have to think about giving birth and my two other kids right now and myself, as they are thinking about themselves as well. IT's just the way it is. I do expect cs from this man. I don't plan on playing games with him or screwing him over. I am very fair to my xh with cs and there is no reason to be different with him. This is not about him or me....it's about our daughter. Bottom line. I DON'T want him there when I give birth. I have my real friends that will be there for me. That's all I need. I don't need to worry about having the man who prayed for my daughter to die nightly around the hospital or do I want his wife there. Why? It's sad yes, but it's just the way it is. I have gotten an attorney already in line. He's told me 100 times he has but his attorney has never called mine. He has told me 50 times he would give me the name of his attorney never has. I wish he would get one then I would know that we could take care of the legalites of this. He is not wanting to himself. I do agree with Lynn that everyone needs an attorney to make sure it's done right and less frustrasting in the end. Everyone knows where everyone stands. Xmm has told me that he is going to hiding his assests. Wrong thing to tell me. Thank Goodness I know all about his profession as I'm in the same one. Again, I don't want to take away from his kids but why should he be out playing golf every day when his child is screwed over by him. It's about his child, nothing more. Right now was probally not the best time for me to post this as I'm upset with xmm for running and I'm sure I'll get flamed, but I am. I know the state laws for cs here. In my state it's nothing compared to other states and all I want him to do is go by state guide lines which we have a cap on which really is not that high. Then he can (as Lynn said) write out his check every month and be done with us. I plan on getting on with my life after this is all said and done. No man married or not is worth fighting for. I have told him several times, work on your marriage. Work on telling the truth. I personaly think that any woman for any reason that would go to these great lenghts to presue a man married or not is wacked out. No chid should be used as a weapon to anybody. Once you chooose to bring a child into the world for what ever reason that has to be your first priority. Everything is secondary. I will fight to the bitter end for my kids rights though. As any mother who truely loves her kids will. If xmm gets away with hiding assests well that is fine too. He is the one who has to answer for that in the end. I'm doing what I feel is right for my child. I can sleep at night. Oh and more thing....I found out that xmm down played the affair to his wife. It really does not matter, but my point to that is.....maybe your xow is somewhere mentally where she just is not smart enough to know that if the mm can lie to the bs throughout the affair he can lie to her too. And she is upset over this and not understanding it. I could see that if I were 10 years younger and this happen where I might react a whole differently. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Thanks for the info. I know my H had everything to do with the A. He's not an angle and the OW didn't rape him! I know they spent 8 months together while we where seperated, she would do nothing but talk about them getting married and harrass me a rub it my face that they where together. I feel H knew how I felt about her and he did it to get back at me for filing for the D. Maybe to make me jealous, don't know. But like I told him all you had to do is say no. First off don't put yourself in the situation for it to even get close to having an A. And I know that he has lied to both of us. All I can go on is his actions since. Even before he found out about the OC he kept telling me that 1-1-04 was a new beginning and he knew what he wanted in life and that was me & our child. He has changed a great deal since the last time in Dec. and I even know what night it was. He was surpised to know that I knew. But his actions that night are all to clear now. But I also knew that she was really mad when we got back together. I understand that she was there when I really got dirty w. the D. Alot of things where said and done and I guess she deserved to have H to stay w/ her. She did everything, said everything, called daily to remind him on all the stuff during the seperation. And she still preaching that story. But I was there when he told her he loved me, forgave me, and wanted his marrage to work. But she said he only said that because I was there. So why put yourself thru the suffering. I pray that she gets her life together and move on. Me and H discussed the pick up and drop off issues. I want to have it where we p/u at the daycare and drop off daycare so we wont have to have contact w/ her. And I just couldn't imagine what it is going to be like giving a 2-3 mnt old baby for the weekend? Will they do that when they are so young? Let me know.

We did not meet OC until she was 4 1/2 yo, I still say big mistake.

But we also have it set up where all p/u and drop offs are @ school, for now, but in the summer we will p/u from OW home and she from ours.

This has made is bit easier but we still have to have C w/ OW for various reasons about OC. It is impossible to have NC w/ OW if you have C w/ OC.

That would be your first good step in dealing w/ it though, a neutral transitional place.

I don't know about overnights with a newborn.

Do you want that kind of responsibility? You and H really have to think this through completely and then decide what would be in the best interest of your marriage, children and family as a whole. Will OW be "ok" and mature about this or will it always be drama? Drama will not be good for anyone. The madness and drama are one of the major reasons C fails between WS family and OC. It is unfortunate but many give up when the stress is so continuous.

That's how we feel but we keep trying to hang in there. Every situation is different and you just don't know exactly how it will go but you can use OW demeanor and attitude now as a good indicator.
I will admit, it may make it easier to accept OC if you start while they are so young and they can get to know you from the beginning.

At the same time, I don't think having to go back and forth is a good life for any child, regardless. But heck, I don't even think daycare is appropriate but that is my life and opinion, I know many disagree and that's fine.

I have found a lawyer in the state where the OW lives and left a message to meet with them next week. I just want to know what I am headed for. I just don't think I could not be a part of the OC life. For my daughter to have a sibling and never know them? Do they have a test before the baby is born that they can do to get DNA. I would like to know so we could prepare for it. And we would be able to explain it to our C before we bring it to the house? Can't tell her then something happen and it not be H, then what? I really don't know how I will feel either, after it gets here, but I don't blame the OC. And I am going to make the best of it. Maybe after I find out what our rights and oppitions are then I will relax and not worry so much about the unknown. My H really doesn't act like he's too worried, he just saids everything will be fine and we are going to make it. Unless I start acting like I'm changing my mind. Then he gets nervous. I just wished this year was done and over with. I think it will be a long one.

Just remember, knowlege is power. And,if you are allowing contact, don't let the OW dictate a thing to you. If you and your husband, together are seeking contact, may I suggest shared custody? Will save you CS dollars in the long run.

Even if you are choosing contact, you still do not have to deal with the ow. See to it that an impartial 3rd party is involved with the handoff. Or have child sent to a certain daycare for drop offs and pickups. No sense in accomodating ow in any way shape or form. Plus it clearly signals to her that while oc will be accepted, her presence will not be allowed.

So, get the laywer and start digging. Then don't worry about it. You will be fine. Just make sure you slap down the ow drama the second she starts raising a fuss about anything. Get everything written in stone and legal. Then if she starts playing games, hit her hard with the law. Sorta like training a dog. Once they learn the are not going to get away with chewing on the shoes, they stop. If you let her play games she will keep it up. These women have a hobby and derive great pleasure from trying to manipulate others. Just remember, that if your H is the father, he will have just as much right to that child as she.

We have talked about shared custody and even talked about trying to get custody. People may think I'm crazy but the child deserves to be in a family! Not to be with someone who has every intention of using the child to her advantage of messing in my life. She has to be the most vendictive person I know. And once she gets the papers form the lawyer she is going to flip. She doesn't want to go to court & stuff. She just wants him to pay and she will let us know when we can see the OC. Bull ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> When she finds out that we are going to control the situation the way we want to, she is going to be livid. But she really should have thought of all of this before she decided to get pg. I will never beleive that is was not on purpose. She planned it and I know it. And H realized what kind of person she is. And what messures she will go thru just to hurt me. I really pray that she will ask for forgivness (and not from me) and wake up to see the way she is living is not what God has instore for her. People can change and maybe if we pray more for the ones who hurt us, they will some how be touched by the spirit and change.

Sunny, I don't like to see anyone get screwed over for any reason. It's just not right. Nor is it right to use your kids as a pawn for anything. I was telling someone last night that my twins are my life line. They have been what has kept me together the last 8 months without them even trying. They are everything to me. My kids are to young to understand everything that is going on right now but one day they will <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . If this girl is what you say you should have no contact at all with her. NONE. I can not for the life of me figure out why she would not want a DNA test or have it all written in stone. At anytime your h could just stop paying her and say sue me. I can tell you when xmm asked me for a DNA test for one flat second I thought you Bas*ard....but as quick as that thought came I also thought no, this is a good thing.....it's written in stone. He could never deny her genes at least. Also as far as contact goes....I doubt that a judge will make her stay the night with you until she is a bit older. Maybe a year or more. And unless you can prove she is unfit (not just the being mean to you and coming over thing) really unfit...you can't take that baby away. There is another lady here who her and her husband do have custody and she can probaly give you more info on that. Also, as far as choosing the day care and all, I doubt you can do that too. You can have a 3rd party involved and such but day to day things that is her mother. Would you allow someone to make your child's decisions for her day to day? AS much as you may hate it, it is that way. You asked about having the DNA test done before the child is born? Yes you can. It can be done through amino. It's quite expensive though and the amino has to be for a medical reason to be done. You maybe able to find a doctor to perform one just for paternity but they are few and far between as it is a risk. You need to make sure though that your state (or hers) will allow for that type of result. She also has to agree to it. Just as the father does not have to do a thing until the baby is born.....neither does she. I hope that helps.

arghh! oops!

<small>[ February 27, 2004, 05:31 PM: Message edited by: ktbunch ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by needtomoveon:
<strong> Also, as far as choosing the day care and all, I doubt you can do that too. You can have a 3rd party involved and such but day to day things that is her mother. Would you allow someone to make your child's decisions for her day to day? AS much as you may hate it, it is that way. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">********
I'm sorry ntmo but if this "sperm donor" is going to take on the very real role of "father" then YES he should be able to be involved in the day to day decisions...it's HIS child too right?

Responsibility goes all the way around. If the child is going to have 2 parents then there will be 2 people making decisions, THAT is just how it is. It can't be both ways, father involved but not allowed to make decisions....that's just absurd.
*************
If your H and OW have JOINT legal and physical custody (we do) then your H will have EVERY say in even the "day to day" things.

He can have it explicitly written into the parenting agreement that educational, religious, medical ect. decisions will be made by BOTH parents.

Your H has rights, as OC father and has a right to be involved with EVERY day to day decision. He may decide that he does not want that but he has a RIGHT to.

But these things all have to be written down legally, on paper and filed through the court. It protects both parties from being taken advantage of by the other. It is harder to be contentious when it is written on a court order and everything is clear.

Another tip, if you both decide C is the way to go and OW has a history of being contentious you MUST have every possible detail in writing on that court order. We are learning this the hard way.

The more detailed we try to get our orders the more details we realize we need. OW tries to take advantage of every little aspect that is not explicitly written in the tiniest detail. It's frustrating but if you are not working with a reasonable person than you cannot leave any thing to chance or expect a reasonable compromise. If you get a lawyer that does not want to put in the time and effort to do this---hire a different one.

I beleive if someone is going to be a child's parent (father or mother) then that means really being involved, NOT just for "fun time" on the weekend. That is why I also believe children should be in intact 2 parent homes. I think it is very hard on children to go back and forth between 2 homes and very unfair for the children much less every one else involved (parents). This is just one more reason why I don't agree with C w/ OC.

I know NC is not a popular opinion and I don't want to start another C/NC debate. But you can't force a parent that actually wants to be involved to take a back seat in raising their child either.

KT, I was not saying they don't have a say so. But let me give you an example. My stbxh (who by the way has a better attorney than I do and filed first) wanted the kids moved to a different day care to make it easier on him. Not only does he not have physcal custody of the girls, but he does not have to pay for there daycare (my choice). The judge asked him two questions One: Are you going to pay the difference or the half you should be paying for there day care? Two: Are you going to pick them up every day and take them home to there mother when she gets off work. His answer to both questions was NO. They are still in the same day care. He is suppose to see them half the week and every other weekend, he has choosen not to and not put them a priority. I am the one who takes off work when they are sick. I am the one who drops them off and picks them up every day from day care. I'm the one who takes them to work with me on Sundays if I have to work on Sundays. He actually moved to a closer condo to there day care in order to see them more on his time.....guess what, he sees them the same. In the court order he is suppose to take half the time off the girls are sick or reinburse me for my wages on the day/days he did not take off to be fair. He does not take that time off nor does he reinburse me. Who ever has physcial custody is responsible to make the decisions regarding the kids welfare. I do however go through him on every decisions regarding the kids. He is there father and should know. Some things that I don't even need to I still do just because I'd expect the same from him. If my h were to remarry though it would be none of her concern. Except to the fact that she will be around my kids and I would look at that and put my kids feelings first. But in no way is another woman who is not there mother going to tell me what to do with my kids. I in no way meant that the father of any child has no rights. That was taken way out of context. Just being in the position that I am with stbxh and have been to court etc., I sharing my experience. Also KT, I know how important it is to have a two parent family. That in no way means that it can not work and the kids can't be raised right and in a loving inviroment from both families. It happens all the time now a days which is sad but true. My kids are much more stable now than they were when h and I were together. There is no more fighting and we both act like adults. As well, with him not taking his fair share in the raising, I let it go. I don't bug him about it for my kids sake. It's not worth it. He loves them to death. I know this and he is doing the best he can with what he knows what to do. They love him to death. He is the best thing since sliced bread. The key to making it a success is the way all the adults act. You have to have stability as well. On both sides in the home. My home is no worse or better than yours. We have routine and we have stabilty. Again, I was not trying to imply that the father has no rights. I'm sorry if you got that impression.

NTMO, I was referring to joint custody as I stated. You stated that the mother would be making day to day decisions...I was stating the fact that that will not automatically/always be the case, such as in ours.

Of course as the step-mom of OC, I "technically" have no say in anything, as OW enjoys pointing out, but as BS/wife you can bet that H and I run everything by each other as to what we want for OC and how WE raise OC on our time.

Our (H & OW)custody agreement states that all decisions regarding education, health etc. will be made by both parents. But we have problems w/ OW sticking to this. She will claim that she does.....but she doesn't.

For example, H and I object to OW educational choice for OC, OW enrolled her any way. We told her we were willing to compromise on a different school....enrolled her again without H consent or knowledge.

OW tries to make ALL decisions for OC without H consent or knowledge, acts like she is the only parent. Since we spend more than half our time w/OC during the week, we are trying to compromise & get a school in the middle of both homes, OW refuses. Wants everything within 5 min. for her while it is 30-60 min. (depending on traffic--one way) for us.

I am only pointing out the rights that I believe fathers are entitled to and can legally assert. Whether a "father" chooses to decline those rights is up to him. Your stbxh has declined to assert his rights or even take an interest where you are still trying to keep him informed. Our OW chooses to try to deny my H his rights that are even in the court order.

I did not mean to imply that my home is better or worse than yours. It is only what I believe is best for children, which I think any one would agree to. I don't even think it is good for OC to have to go back and forth. That's another reason why I have mixed feelings about that too.

All I'm trying to say is that fathers have a choice, a say and rights. Everything does not automatically go to the mother. I know many men may feel, for whatever reasons that it is better to leave it all to the mother and so it usually goes that way. But it's sad when you see a father that is actually trying (as in our case and many others I have seen) and they keep getting denied, refused and beaten down.

It's like fathers can never win. If he's not involved he's an "abandoner" or "dead-beat" and if he is involved it's "only to lower his CS". Maybe that's another issue/thread.

No offense meant either way.

Kt, I understand what your saying completly now. Also please understand that because I'm soon to be divorced and have kids I'm a little defensive to this. Your right, about the father having rights. I wish mine would be more interested. Not for my sake for there's. Thank God I've got a level head on my shoulders when it comes to them. I do pass everything through him. Your also right about having the oc go by your rules at your house....what would be ideal if the rules were the same, but of course it can't always be that way. As well I would of been more willing to move the kids daycare if stbxh took more of a interest in picking them up in the middle of the week. Although I love there teachers and for pre-schoolers are doing quite well including learning spanish now too. I am the one who has made the sacrafices for them, not him. As I said he loves them deeply and they love him, but he does not know how nor does he want to learn how to do it. It took me a lot of years to accept that. It is great that your husband has taken such a great interest in the raising of this oc. I really mean that. You don't even find a lot of x-husbands that want to do that with there kids with the x-wife. I know it's hard for you and it's great your standing by your husband through all this. I can hear your pain. Eventually it will get better once she realizes it is the way it is and the law. She has no idea how lucky she is that the father of that child wants to be a part of her life and should be more appricative. I guess cause I have kids and know how my kids are with there dad that is why I feel the way I feel. I also know how I treat my stbxh with the kids and feel it's only fair. So I'm glad we cleared that up. I'm glad no offensive is taken.

Yep, I'm a little defensive on this end too. LOL

no harm, no foul.

Been out of town w/H. This weekend was not good for most part. We went to a concert and OW was there. She didn't go to the concert but she was looking for us. Someone must have told her we would be there. Well as you guessed she showed her butt. Walked up to me and told me that H was going to be in the room when she had OC and I counldn't stop it. I told her that would be hard since we where going a cruise about the same time. Well that got her started and H told her that if I couldn't be there, he wasn't going to be. Then she left. She called H sister about midnight to say she was at the hospital and bleeding but the OC was fine. Whatever! And to have H to call her. Well he didn't and she called him this morning raising (@@@@) I told him do the papers!! She told him if he wasn't in the room w/ her than she wasn't going to give the OC his name and he wouldn't see it. Again Whatever. If he is the father, than to me he has every right as she does. This double standard, your the father but just shut up and pay is really on my nervers! Then she told his sister that he doesn't want to leave me because I will take everything and he knew she wasn't on the pill ! So a MM is going to mess w/ someone knowing that they could get preg, and not worry about it. Not, most men are smarter than that. His father thinks I wont be able to go thru w/ this too. And his sister is on OW side. I really don't know what to do. I told him this AM that we can just go file and split this crap and my life would be a whole lot easier. I told him why would I go thru 9 mnts of this crap, and then take him for everything when I could do it now? I told him that his sister & the OW keep stuff flowing about where we are and what we are doing, and I'm the bad person who is going to take everything? When all I've done is stand by him and support him? No just don't get it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I am at my witts end. He told her that he was w/ me and she needed to get over it. That not to call his sister and if she wants to tell him something to call him and if I answered she better be nice and repectful to me. (Don't think that will happen) He told her she was going to have to explain one of these days to the OC that how she hated him going back to his family and her hating and wanting to hurt me so bad that she did this. H told OW that she was going to have to expain why she was so vendictive to someone who hasn't done anything to her. I really feel that he wants to be home w/ us, but like his dad said can I get thru this with all that she is doing? I'm really tired today. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> But I know everything is going to be ok. We have our rights too and I'm going to find out what they are. I will use the system just as good, if not better than she. I have to be strong and not let them get me down. As long as H beleives in me staying that should be it. I really don't want him staying because he's afraid of losing material items. Back to visitations you mean we are going to have to wait a year? How can we bond w/ the child if we don't get it? If she didn't want to give up a baby for visitations than she shouldn't of had it. His father said what if the roles where reversed I would want him in the room, I said I was smarter than that and wouldn't be in this. If I was than it's my choice and I would walk away, and not tell anyone. But thats the way I am. I wouldn't even talked to the MM after he went back. I'm not coming off the room thing ! Told H that its not right. If you want to be w/ your family then be w/ us. Can't be in the room, to me it would show that he suported her in this and thats not the way it is. I just feel like screaming today !! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Has anyone elses H went into the room w. the OW or at the hospital when it happened?

sunnydale, I know you are hurting and I am sorry for that. I think you found a good place to get some answers. I think fathers rights have come along way in some places...in other parts I think they are still behind in giving fathers their due rights. If you are going to go for contact I would try to set the legal wheels in motion as fast as you can. If going to court I would try to get joint custody. I would get a parenting plan in place that states everything very clear. The OW is also hurting and some of her actions could clearly be out of hurt also. I would let her know you are going to be there for this child and are going to do it legally every step. It clearly needs to be addressed that this is no way opening the door for her to be involved in your lives. If it is truly about the OC then the OW should cooperate. Being on the other side of the fence I know how I felt and you don't really want to add gas to the flames. If you can add baking soda to smother the fire and control it that is best for everyone involved. I just tried to write what I meant by that and it is hard to explain clearly. When XMM was being an [censored] to me-it made me want to lash out in anger too. But when XMM stopped being an [censored] and tried to negotiate some of my needs for the OC then it all worked to everyones benefit. I wasn't out to try to get everything he should pay for. I am sorry if this isn't said properly...I had a hard day today. So my head is clogged with today's wonderful events.

I'm sorry but there is no reason for H to be in the room when OC is born. It's the birthing mother that needs support and she can get it from someone who actually cares about her.

Your H can be there for OC, if paternity is medically established and you both agree, after baby is born.

Many children spend their days in daycare, if OW is going to be working to support her child then there is no reason for the father not to be allowed to spend good amounts of time with baby too.

If OW is already playing her games and antics you can probably expect many more tirades like this.

Good for you and your H to stick up for you. This OW sounds like she's headed straight to "stalkerville". I was always hurt that my H was too busy trying to keep things "calm" and avoid a "scene", rather than ever sticking up for me and our family.

It sounds like things are headed in the right direction between H and you.

I would stay away from this woman until paternity is established. Don't pay any attention to anything she says about thier relationship. It's over and your new life w/ H is beginning.

Remember too that C is a choice not a given.

That was good to mention the cruise. Enjoy it. That is such an excellent idea.

You are doing the right thing by standing up for your marriage, don't let any one dissuade you from something you know in your heart is the right thing.

Hang in there, you'll be ok. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Your's really sounds like a marriage that is on the right track to "making it"!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Feel much better today. Late night me & H had time to talk and I have to remember he is under as much (if not more) stress than I. I explained to him that she feels like she is loosing control and we can not (I will not) let her control my household! He's not staying just because of loosing things, he said he would take what fit in his truck and be gone if I couldn't do this. He said he loves his family, he let us down, but is going to make it up. I beleive him. I feel I have much more invested in our relationship than OW and am not about to give it up! He told her again yesterday that he wouldn't be there for the delv. I can't understand why she is not taking care of herself. She has lost so much weight and looks like a skeleton. She should be thinking about the baby instead of hunting us down. I just hope that it comes out healthy. But I'm concerned cause one of her friends said that she is alway popping pills.(before she was preg.) So I hope nothing has effected the baby. I just can't see not putting the baby first. I know if I called her to tell her I understand how she feels, but I don't think she would listen or want to talk to me. I can only pray for her right now I guess. I'm staying quiet and the other night only told her we where going on the cruise to shut her up. Can we ask her to give us proof that she is preg? A friend of mine thinks she not. She still has not told her dad. I wonder w/ the new Heifa laws can we get her to prove she is? Just want everyone to know that you are great!!! I don't know what I have done if I hadn't had the information and just the fact someone knows what I am going thru to talk to. Ya'll have been a God send !! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And for the XOW, thanks to you too. I'm trying to understand why, how and OW hurt too.

Hi Sunny,

My H was at the hospital when OC was born, & I agree w/ KT there is no reason for your H to be there when OC is born. My H lived w/ OC for 2 months before OC was born & 6 months after. So I have the lovely memory of going to the hospital to see flowers & balloons H bought for OC, knowing that he was there w/ her experiencing the birth of his only child. My situation is different from yours of course, but I wish he had not of been there w OW at all. He also went to every dr. appt. w OW too.

As far as your H goes why would he need to be w OW in delivery room? He is NOT her H! If she has no one to be w/ her oh well, too bad, should have thought about that before she foolishly got pg. by another woman's H <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Why is she calling him all the time? What is there to talk about? I am not sure what you should be doing legally, but sounds like you have gotten good advice from some of the other ladies here who know. I would get my legal ducks in order & until OC is born & paternity is established there is nothing to talk about, if your H's sister is so on OW's side let her be in delivery room & care for her during pregnancy. Put OW in her place now, save yourself a lot of heartache down the road, if H has already told her he is not gonna leave you to be w/ her & wants to have some kind of role in OC's life, he should not have to keep telling her over & over. I would make sure those calls stop now, & if H has to tell his sister to butt out than so be it, the nerve of her to interfere in your marriage by supporting OW. My in-law's did the same thing to me, thank God I don't need them for anything, I don't talk to them anymore & it is fine with me. They are the biggest bunch of hypocrites I have ever seen.

You don't need that so don't listen to it. Concetrate on repairing your marriage right, OW can't have a tantrum by herself, so why indulge her? Just my thoughts I am not in a very loving mood this week, so if it seems like I am being nasty, I guess I am. Stand your ground & don't let any devil, even family get in your way!

God Bless,
BG