I just found this forum last wish, wish I had known about it earlier! Here is my story. I found out in July 2002 that my H has been involved in a year long EMA and the OW was 6 months pregnant with his baby. I had suspected that he was cheating on me, & was also in the process of preparting to have a tubal reversal so we could try to have a baby together. I have a 21 yr. old son from a previous marriage, tied my tubes after being married to my current H after we both agreed we didn't want a baby.

Well I flipped, threw him out, he went to live w/ OW, stayed 2 weeks, came back for a month, I threw him out again, he lived w/ her through delivery, returned in April 2003. He said from the start that he wanted to work on us, but he also wanted contact with OC. I wanted to go to counseling immediately he would't go. As soon as he returned OW flipped on him, like I knew she would, said OC couldn't come to our home. So he visits the OC at OW's apt. It has been hell in my home, all we do is argue over this, the OC has come over to home about once a month, but no legal visitation has been established. He has now agreed to go to counseling, we have an appt. in the morning.

I somehow feel it is too late for us, I question everything H does, I think he maybe going to counseling only because he knows I have had it. I know he has phone contact w/ OW on a daily basis, & I just feel it will never end. She is pissed becasuse he came home, she thought the baby would keep him & until he puts his foot down w/ her this will continue. I have seen lawyers, threatened him w/ divorce many times. I am a christian & I know I can forgive him, & if this is God's will this marriage will be saved. I don't have a problem w/ OC being in my life, I am her SM whether OW likes it or not, that wasn't part of her little plan though.

My family thinks I am crazy, we have no kids so why stay in this? I can't let it go though, not yet. Not until I have done everything I know possible to work through this. I know I can't do it by myself though either. Just wondering if anyone has any words of wisdom...

God Bless
BG

Really no words of wisdom, but a hand to hold on to. I thought maybe my life was the only one upside down and its not. I have really learned alot here and continue to learn more everytime I get on here. The stories are about the same and you need to talk, like I have needed too. I've learned there are really bad days w/ this and sometimes we have good days not thinking about it. But if your committed to what you want to do, then stay committed. Don't let this OW destroy what you & H have together. The trust issue will be a daily thing. Sometimes I just make myself crazy thinking where he could be, but so far he has been where he said he was. I know since we got back together I have made "home" the place to be and his "friend" and Wife is there for him. As long as he doesn't disrespect us again, this family we will be here. I think when WH&WW do this it shows the greatest action of disrespect I can think of. And Why OW or OM think they are not being disrespected either is beyond me. I think if there where laws that made the OW and OM just as responsable as the WW& WH, financially then maybe alot of people would think about things before they did it. Right now the OW sees we have 2 houses, 1 boat, a Harley, cabin at the lake, camper, and she really thinks she's going to inheiret this stuff. NOT!. It's really hard, and you need to talk, you found a great place to do so. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I've learned when I need to cry, cry and make it a good one and when I need to laugh, make it a good one, if I need to be alone, spend it wisely, stick to God and he will be stuck on you !!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Hang in there.

It is never too late. You are a Christian, so think about it, is it ever too late to accept Christ's love and forgiveness? No, and it's not too alte to save yoru marriage either.

Your H chose this stress and madness for youa dn your famiy but God will give you the tools you need to get through it. The only way is to rely soley on your Lord. At least that is the only way i know how.

That is totally disrespectful of your H to keep C w/ OW. That needs to stop and you have a right to ask for that. If he wants to rebuild his marriage then that is the first step--discontinuing ALL form of contact and communication w/ OW. You should be his #1 priority and he needs to focus on what you need to help you heal and forgive and love again.

If the C w/ OC is too hard right now---well you don't have to have that either. IT is a decision taht you both need to decide on.

Personally, I am against C w/ OC. You say that it feels like it will never end----well w/ C--that feeling never goes away. We have C w/ OC in our life and it is almost HE##! It is very stressful on all of us. I advise against it but that is only my personal opinion and you will find many different opinions here.

Take a deep breath and really think about where you want to be in 10 years or even 1 year. Then what do you and H need to do to accomplish that goal. The OC may or may not be a part of that plan and only the 2 of you together can determine that.

It will be a rolelr coaster but you can survive it and you can make it through. Your marriage can even be better than youever imagined. You didn't deserve this, none of us did. But you will gain from it.

I can go on and on but there are others here who can make better points than me so I will save space for them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Take care of yourself and we're here for you.

It is never too late. You are a Christian, so think about it, is it ever too late to accept Christ's love and forgiveness? No, and it's not too late to save your marriage either.

Your H chose this stress and madness for you and your family but God will give you the tools you need to get through it. The only way is to rely soley on your Lord. At least that is the only way I know how.

That is totally disrespectful of your H to keep C w/ OW. That needs to stop and you have a right to ask for that. If he wants to rebuild his marriage then that is the first step--discontinuing ALL form of contact and communication w/ OW. You should be his #1 priority and he needs to focus on what you need to help you heal and forgive and love again.

If the C w/ OC is too hard right now---well you don't have to have that either. IT is a decision that you both need to decide on.

Personally, I am against C w/ OC. You say that it feels like it will never end----well w/ C--that feeling never goes away. We have C w/ OC in our life and it is almost HE##! It is very stressful on all of us. I advise against it but that is only my personal opinion and you will find many different opinions here.

Take a deep breath and really think about where you want to be in 10 years or even 1 year. Then what do you and H need to do to accomplish that goal. The OC may or may not be a part of that plan and only the 2 of you together can determine that.

It will be a roller coaster but you can survive it and you can make it through. Your marriage can even be better than you ever imagined. You didn't deserve this, none of us did. But you will gain from it.

I can go on and on but there are others here who can make better points than me so I will save space for them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Take care of yourself and we're here for you.

<small>[ February 24, 2004, 09:45 AM: Message edited by: ktbunch ]</small>

Thank you both for your replies. We did go to counseling today, separately because we both had to work. He was late, & my pastor felt that was not a good sign, as did I. When he finally got here, 20 min. late, she talked to him alone for an hour, since I have had many sessions w/ her since this all started.

She then called me in & told us both that this is the year to make a decision, to either stay together or not, & if we opt to stay together we must continue counseling, we obviously can't solve this on our own. We both went off to work so I have not had the chance to talk to him yet.

He did express a concern to her regarding visitation issues & how that is a problem. I would love nothing more than to have a 3rd party involved w/ him having contact w/ OC, I just don't see that happening right now. And as far as NC w/ OW I know that is not in the cards right now & to demand that at this present time would be as good as giving him to her for a second time. So I think I will have to wait on that one, don't get me wrong, I am not jumping over any fences to bond w/ OC but like I said, if I plan to keep my H at home with me & salvage of marriage I know I can't ask him to have NC w/ OC, he has bonded w/ this baby so if I deal w/ H, I deal w/ OC, but OW has to be put in her place & only he can do that. I foolishly thought after talking to her before H came back home last April that we could handle this like adults, she agreed but as soon as the realization of him leaving her to come home to me after she turned her little life upside down to bring OC in the world for him, she flipped, started calling him same nite he came home - 2:15 a.m to be exact for nothing. Then called my home the next day because my H didn't answer his cell, I went off on her & she was then "not comfortable w/ OC being in my home while I am there.

I know we both have some changing to do, he is a christian as well & has been out of fellowship w/ the church for sometime now. I know the enemy wants me to give up & I have come really close on many occassions. This is my last ditch effort & I know if this is God's will he will restore my marriage.

Thanks again for your support, I am praying for all us!

I know that you don't want to be "demanding" but you do not to be a doormat because you are afraid of pushing yoru H away either.

Ending C w/ OW can be a condition of you staying in the marraige NOT the other way around. Him continuing C w/ OW should NOT be a condition of HIM staying in the marriage!!!!! That is still cheating in my book.

I beleive God wants marriages to stay together but your H can't be having 2 lovers! Hello and even continuing to talk to OW is continuing his relationship w/ her and that is WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!! IF H will not end contact then he has made up his mind NOT to work on rebuilding his marriage w/ you, at least not right now.

Why should he be allowed to get away with that. What about some "accountability" with a man @ your church. IT is a good sign that he has gone to counseling and @ curch but maybe with a man that can speak to him frankly, man to man, someone to put him in his place and tell him to straighten out and step up!

I know how frustrating this is and can be. I also understand not wanting to push your H away at a time like this but you are real too with real feelings and you do not have to put up with this. You do not have to put up with being mistreated and disrespected.

I have to run now but I will check up on you later. Take care and God Bless.

You are so right, I have told him time & time again that the "affair" has never ended, he insists that the PA is over but with as much contact as they share, even via telephone it goes on just on another level.

I have walked this fine line w/ H every since he came home. Beleieve me I am not wearing blinders & have felt every bit of the "doormat" more often than not & I often question why I am allowing myself to be treated like this, knowing love should not equal stupidity, I often feel that way too. My pastor did suggest that H see one of our male pastor's & he may do that, get that male POV & get his butt in gear for real. I just know that spiritual counseling of some kind must continue or it is over.

This has taken so much out of me, if it were not for the Grace of God I would have lost my mind long ago. I could kick myself for even letting contact w/ OC & OW continue once he came home, if I had told him then, take her to court or go back to her maybe this would be resolved by now, but I know that I can't live in the past, what is done is done. If I came away with nothing else from this morning it is this, we are gonna make a choice following POJA & soon, this has gone on long enough & tomorrow is not promised to anyone, & boy have we wasted time.

I know I can't push him at this point but I also can't afford to walk on egg shells about this anymore, it is all on the line now, & I have accepted the fact that it may not have the ending I want. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Thanks for listening. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

God Bless,
BG

God can change everything. He still does do miracles as anyone who is in "recovery" I'm sure would agree. Hope is not all lost.

When I first found out about A (not even the whole truth back then)it totally destroyed any feeling much less love I had for my H. I thought it could never be recovered. I was in such despair.

The Lord totally changed my heart and I was able to forgive and love my H again. I know what I was and wasn't feeling and I know it was a miracle. I didn't even LIKE my H any more after that but to be able to regain the LOVE we had lost was amazing. It can happen.

We still have issues that come up time to time and it has been harder now with C w/ OC. But the honor he shows me everyday makes my admiration for him grow also.

With God ALL things are possible......keep the faith. I'm saying a prayer for you.

Thanks again, your words mean so much to me, I have to keep believeing that there is light at the end of this tunnel!

The day after I found out about A & OC on the way, I wanted my husband to come home. I immediately felt a willingness to forgive him & the thought of dealing w/ the OC was not replusive to me at all. Of course H was a real trip during his time of living w/ OW & has not been a whole lot better since his arrival back home. I keep praying that one day he will start to honor me as your H does you.

He has apologized to me but I know he still blames me for getting my tubes tied & not trusting him enough to have a C w/ him in the first place. My 1st marriage was a physically abusive & I thought C would makes things better, my 1st H only used C to tie my down, keep me in the house, so I carried that baggage into this relationship. I am not taking blame for my tubal, we agreed that is was a good decision at the time & I know having a C w/ your H is no guarantee that H will not still stray & have a A & OC.

H didn't want to talk about counseling session last nite, we will talk about it & others hopefully this weekend. We have a long way to go! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks for your prayers, I know we can survive this & be better than ever, but I can't do it alone, & that is how I feel a lot of the time.

God Bless,
BG

That alone feeling is common.

We (BS) felt alone when H was cheating, we felt alone when H was emotioanlly distant due to spending his energy on someone else, alone, alone alone. And now feel alone to deal with the ramifications of all this junk. God is with us through it all. Sometimes I still feel alone but I know I am not and even this forum proves it.

It is not uncommon for us BS to "talk it to death" while WS think, "the A is over so leave it alone now" or "it's over so get over it" and they don't want to talk about it. For the WS the relationship is over and for us BS it is just beginning. That is hard to deal with.

I know. I had an "episode" just this morning but H is dear and patient. He wants to fix things and there is no fixing this. I just need sympathy and understanding sometimes which he is patiently learning to give and it helps, a lot.

Gotta run to pick up OC from school now. Keep taking care and don't forget to eat right and excercise.

kt, You said it so well, the despair and never thinking of loving and repecting your H again. I felt the same way, and I feel my H and I have found love again. But it took years. I now know forgiveness.

bg, If your h is sincere with seeing OC, and not seeing OW, you will know he is trying. Make everything legal with no contact with OW ever.

There is hope, but H has to want you and the marriage first.

I find comfort in the Lord also.

ember

I am scared now that H will not go for NC w/ OW once he gets visitation set up through the courts.

I seriously doubt I can deal w/ H having any involvement w/ OW for the rest of my life. A 3rd party should be used in picking up OC. There is no reason to have it any other way. But it was set up like this by them "playing house' for 8 months. I sometimes question why I took him back a 2nd time. It is still like a bad dream that he left me alone to be w/ her & OC. We "dated" during that period, talked every day, but it was so hard.

I still feel like this may have all been for nothing, all that I have gone through & endured, at this point only God knows. We are having financial problems too, which don't help, I sometimes feel like I am hanging by a thread.

I won't give up though, not yet anyway.

God Bless,
BG

Your marriage and C w/ OC will never survive or work if you and H are not in total agreement about how to go about it.

There will be C w/ OW if C w/ OC is chosen. Of course it does not have to be in person, but there may be times that it is. You will have to exchange information about the OC. Schedules, Dr. appointments, school activities, invitation w/ friends, behaviours, education, health, religion...... issues. There will be C w/ OW, understand that. You will be dealing w/ OW for the rest of your lives--that is a given.

It is the type and amount of C that matters. Will OW be accomodating or contentious? Will she be frivolous with her communication or stick to OC info only. Will she be willing to compromise or want it all her way? Will the 2 of you be willing to compromise or want it all your way?

Are you willing to go to court every time there is a "parenting disagreement" or will you let it go? Are you willing to get a lawyer every time there IS a disagreement about something?

Are you willing to be in the same room w/ OW every time OC has a recital, sports event or activity? What if BC and OC have an activity @ the same time? Where will daddy go, who will he watch?

These things are not easy to deal with and you have to be prepared for these types of things. That is why this is such a big and important decision.

If His serious about your marraige and family then he will consider all these things and make a decison WITH you that will benefit your family the most. There has to be boundaries---no blurry lines--everything must be clear.

What YOU NEED to feel safe, secure and loved inyour marraige COUNTS! If you need NC to feel all that then that is what you need and if H can't give that to you then he has made his choice.

It is not a demand or ultimatum that you are giving him, it is honesty. He also deserves that from you, he can't think you are ok with this and then one day you blow up and tell him you never were.

You have to make the rules of the game so there are no surprises later on down the road. He can't force his way on you just as you can't force your way on him. This is a decisin that cannot be made by only one of you, you must be in total agreement.

Your voice counts. Don't be afraid of that. You have been horribly betrayed here. Therea re consequences for everyone. It matters what you want and NEED.

If C w/ OC will continue then be very clear on what kind of C w/ OW will be acceptable and tolerated. What type of communication and how.

For example, information about OC will have to be exchanged, naturally. This can be done in the form of a log book to avoid any thing in person and no misunderstandings. Pick ups and drop offs can be from a neutral place such as daycare or school. Any necessary information and communication can go through you. Separate parent/teacher conferances. Do not rely on OW for any information than what is necessary. Get info about daycare and school from those places directly.

This will not eliminate everything but it can help if this is the path you choose.

I am learning from my own experience here but it is tiring, very tiring and stressful. I want to give up C w/ OC everyday so I know what I'm talking about in this sense.

Really think this over and don't be afraid to make your needs/wants known.

Take care.

I agree with everything KT is saying. If he wants contact with oc, there are somethings that can be done.

Maybe you could write a list of everything you really want. A list that only you will see.

Do you want contact with oc? Don't think of H right now, think of only you. If you are saying no and he is forcing the issue, you might be bitter and sad for years. Just as it isn't fair for you to tell him he can't see oc, he can't say you have to see oc.

If you agree with contact with oc, but now OW that is a proper compromise in my opinion. Could you have oc dropped off at your church? Maybe they have a daycare where oc can be dropped and then picked up from. Don't even bother to worry if this is will upset ow. Her wishes don't count.

But first, you need to dig deep into yourself and see if you really want this kind of life. Really hash this out with your husband. Let it be perfectly clear that any conctact with OW is not going to be tolerated. Make it very clear to him that you are just as important and matter also. The most important thing to get across is that the oc is not the only one who matters and that this is YOUR life, not a dress rehersal. That YOU have feelings too.

You two need to really dig and get to an agreement. If he blows it, he is gone. But be sure you are willing to do that. If he contacts her, send him on his way. You do not want to live your life like that.

Oh, and tell that ow, that if your H wants contact, she can't say diddly to who he has around the oc. THEY are not a family. She is not part of your family and has no business in it.

Have you called the Harleys?

Your marriage and C w/ OC will never survive or work if you and H are not in total agreement about how to go about it

There will be C w/ OW if C w/ OC is chosen. Of course it does not have to be in person, but there may be times that it is. You will have to exchange information about the OC. Schedules, Dr. appointments, school activities, invitation w/ friends, behaviours, education, health, religion...... issues. There will be C w/ OW, understand that. You will be dealing w/ OW for the rest of your lives--that is a given.

Thank KT, My situation is a bit different only because of the way this all started out almost 2 years ago, I am not saying things can't change, they have to if we are going to stay married. it is just that a pattern has been established now & it will be hard to break at this point. I know she will be in our lives forever, I was dreaming in my earlier thread <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

This is my H's only child, my DS is 21, grown but still at home, so there will not be any time that he has to make that decision as far as where he will spend time. I have a very strong dislike for the OW, I actually do pray for her because she is so stupid, but I can be in the same room w/ her for the OC's sake if need be. I have already had contact w/ OC since she was a month old, but H lived w/ OW & OC at that time. You are absolutely right though we have to sit down & both agree on everything concerning this, so far that has not happened. I had told my H I would not go into the new year w/ all the crap that has gone on concerning OC & OW & still in continues. Hopefully the counseling will continue, it is our last hope as far as I can see, he is so very committed to being a good father, he often forgets he was a H first & the commitment he made to me before GOD. Your right it is tiring, so very I am exhausted with this whole thing. I do thank God for you ladies & this board, it helps so much to talk to others who understand exactly what I am going through.
My friends try but they really don't get it this is one of those things you have to experience to be able to truly relate to another BS w/ OC in the picture.

Thanks again,
God Bless,

BG

Hi Lynn,

Thanks for your reply, you seem to know a lot on this subject & I need all the help I can get right now. No I have not contacted the Harleys, we just had our first counseling session this week. We have been together 11 years, married almost 8. He started the A in 7/02, I found out about it & OC on the way in 7/03, put him out, he was back after 2 weeks, home for a month, put him out again, both times he stayed w/ OW for a total of 8 months.

So I know no contact w/ OC is out, that I have no problem with it is the OW & things she does like telling him OC can't come to our home because she is not comfortable, which started the day he came back last April. H was reluctant to get the courts involved, which caused another set of problems of course. So since April of 2003 I have been dealing w/ him over there seeing his baby & who knows what else. Their affair has not stopped, maybe not physical, but an A just the same. My exH & I never kept contact like & we divorced when my DS was only 2, he is now 21 & I know it is because I was done w/ my ex.

Something has to change & soon, my counselor told us both that, we either have to decide we are going to do whatever it takes to save our marriage or call it quits. I am prepared to do that if need be. We have no children together, so it makes is a lot easier to not have my H in my life anymore.

I don't care about the OW's feelings at all, she is a very stupid young girl w/ 2 boys, ages 3 & 10, never been married & looking for a H, anyone will do! She though the baby would make him leave me, now that she sees that he won't so she plays games, lots of games. I told H, she can only do what you allow her to do. I tell myself that too.

I don't want him to have NC w/ OC, I have no problem w/ having contact w/ OC, but OW is caling the shots & that has to stop, one way or another. A third party is not an option for us, not right now anyway. He has to get legal visitation & limit contact other than when necessary. H has a lot of growing up to do, I am 7 yrs. older than him. He knows I am at the end of my rope, so he has to step up & stop being selfish or he is gone.

Thanks for the words of wisdom! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

This is my year to stop the rollercoaster or at least slow it down, way down!

God Bless,
BG

I understand about patterns being established and hard to change. That is a fair assesment but it doesn't mean that it HAS to stay that way. You can start establishing boundaries now, step by step.

When we originally met OC, of course OC was already older (4 1/2 yo)and established in her idea of her family, so C began W/ OW & OC and even OW's other child (who also had no dad). A few of those and then we said OC was ready to go with us alone. OW was resistant (didn't understand why that was necessary!)but we persisted, only a few hours at a time.

Then OW started to play games and refuse visits except on her terms and times. Said H should come and visit w/ OC alone <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> without the rest of the family (kids) and without me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

We went to a court mediator who helped us establish some boundaries and a schedule, H got JOINT physical and legal custody @ that time. That was the first big step. H now had his rights established on paper and that could not be revoked.

The entire time we were planning for what we wanted in the long run, taking it one step at a time.

I could go on and on about all the "steps" we have taken. It has been stressful and I can't say it is worth it. We still have steps to take yet to get OW to stop trying to play games.

OW is not going to control my life or my family's. We are being fair and I intend to make sure she has to follow the "rules".

You can take the lONG way around and take it step by step, like we have but if we were in OC life earlier, like you, I would get right to it.

There is no reason for you to have to be accomodating to OW whims just because "it has always been that way". That's ridiculous.

The time will pass anyway so you can start taking steps today and tomorrow will come or you can wait and tomorrow will still come.....and go.

You can start to control and live your life again. Don't let OW rob you of your life and your H. Don't be afraid of OW.

If she says H cannot see OC with you then you tell the court she is denying visitation. That is illegal and she will have to answer to the judge. Set up a time to p/u OC at a nuetral place, even a park, if she refuses, again documented denial of access to child.

H can get a mediation appointment at the courts so that everything can be on paper in writing without having to go before a judge and having a hearing. Mediators are trained and can help them work it all out to something they agree.


H should at least do this to have his custodial rights as a parent documented either way.

I know how hard it is to live your life when you feel like you are in limbo. Stop being reactive and start being PROactive.

Hey KT,

I know everything you are saying is right, I need my H's cooperation & he is dragging about doing anything legal always, as he is the one who scares me sometimes, never OW, like I said I pray for her, for God to touch her heart & take her out of the fog too.

Yes it is definitely time to be active, been watching my life pass me by in some ways long enough.

I am really going to push for court action to start soon, if he refuses then I know where his mind & heart really are. I have told him for months now that it was gonna come to this, he is gonna have to make a choice, stop straddling the fence, or should I say having his cake & eating it too, & getting real full.

We are gonna talk about counseling too, tomorrow as well as financial matters, he is in the process of trying to get another car & stressed out about that, but this can't wait...

Thanks,

God Bless,
BG

I understand how frustrating this all can be and is.

Why do some of these men just want to sit back and do nothing----either way?

I never had to wait for my H to choose between OW or me, he chose me before I ever even found out about OW & OC ( a little late dontcha think? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> )So I can't imagine that aspect but he has dragged his feet on the other legal matters, CS..custody...CS modifications...ect. This gets tiring.

I've even gone so far as to fill everything out, just have him sign it and then even go down to the courts & file it myself.

There is only so much I can do though, I'm not a lawyer and some things are confusing. He's learning my stress levels and I'm learning my triggers. I've had to just break down a few times before he finally got the picture that I was trying to protect our family, not just nag him to death to do "one more thing"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I understand how much easier it is for me to tell you what needs to be done and then being the one on the other side that has to actually do it. My H and I could probably be the poster child for procrastination which is why I know how important it is to do some of these things right away and not wait.

It's hard to be the BS and try to take care of everybody else and no one is taking care of you.

But that's what we're here for.....to remind you to take care of yourself too.

Good Morning KT,

Well the you know what really hit the fan this past weekend unfortunately. We argured all weekend over visitation, money, & counseling. H has not filed any paperwork for visitiation as I thought, I could see myself having to fill out everything for him too, but what does that say about his willingness to put our marriage back together? H is a procrastinator also but this is beyond that w/ him.

H's van was recently repo'd & for 2 weeks he drove my DS's car, his mummy co-signed for him to get another car, & I had to pry that out of him along w/ any details of car note, down payment etc. Everything is like this w/ him though, & his relationship w/ his mummy is sick & twisted, they are more like H & W then we are.
So we argued about $, & his lack of contributing to the household.

H then told me all he basically did during counseling session, which I figured, was blame me for everything, told how I go through his things, which I do, because I don't trust him, & from what he has shown me during the last 10 & 1/2 months he's been home, I don't know if I ever will.

I asked him to leave, I am just so tired of all this, there seems to be no end in sight & he is content to let OW run amuck & have total control over how & when he sees OC. He didn't go, doesn't want to, I wouldn't either, I feel like such a fool, & like I am wasting time w/ him. I said some really nasty hurtful things to him, & hated how I let him make me act. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I told him that I am not saying another word to him, if I need to ask him something I am gonna write a note. If it wasn't for needing him to file for taxes, I would have insisted he leave yesterday.

So this is my plan - I am gonna try real hard to surrender H & this situation to God, & wait for him to change H & me,& I am ready to accept the outcome be it w/ or w/ out H. I have to start concentrating on me & what God wants me to do w/ the rest of my life, however long that may be.

Thanks for listening.

God Bless
BG