It has been over a year since my wife came home and told me she was pregnant. Here is a little of the history to fill you in.

I had a vasectomy four years earlier but never had it checked. If I looked at Laurie funny she became pregnant so I didn’t think it was mine and because of where our relationship was I asked, “who’s is it.” We were so distant that I could not be compassionate or understanding.

Laurie explained, some of her friends had moved from the company Christmas party to the hotel where everyone was staying. She thought someone drugged her at the bar and then raped her. Not only did I question her story because of where our relationship was at, but she could not confide in me until she had to find out if it was my child or not. Either way I was pissed and I was determined to find out what had happened. I did not consider for a moment how this was affecting Laurie or that this was an answer to my prayer.

I was supposed to be at work, so I walk down stairs and see her cell bill lying on the counter. I could not resist so I started doing some digging. Things weren’t adding up for me as there were a tremendous amount of calls to two numbers in Columbus that were not work related and now I had to find out if my vasectomy took or not. I just thank God that I was on the road almost every week for the first three weeks of January. This gave me time to think, talk, pray and play things out in my mind.

I was obsessed on finding the truth. I even confronted Laurie at one of our counseling sessions. Laurie had plausible explanations but things continually did not add up. The phone calls, the changing story, the concealment. The next week we found out that the child was not mine. We briefly talked about options. I told her, if you want the child our marriage is over, if not then we can try to work though this.

I left Laurie no wiggle room and now I feel responsible for taking the life of an unborn child. With the help of prayer, mass, and actually opening the bible and looking for answers, I determine that I have to put this behind me or end our relationship. I do not want to hurt my children and I love Laurie deeply and through all of this l want her to get the help she needs. So I determine it is better to forgive and move on. This was one of the toughest decisions I have ever had to make in my life. There are days I must reaffirm this, do to the uncertainty, Laurie not yet coming to terms with ending the pregnancy or the pain I put her through early in our marriage. At times, this continues to put tremendous stress on Laurie and me.

Fast forward a year and a friend finds out her husband is cheating on her. She come to me for guidance as she knows what happened to me a year ago. I thought I had all these feelings and unanswered questions packed away in this nice neat box. Boy was I wrong. My wife was training out of town and I finally determine I have to confront one of the two guys that I believe may have had a hand in my wife’s fall from grace.

I confront the one I thought it was a young 26 year old that works at a community center. I go down with a well thought out and typed out plan. On the way down the women who just found out about her husband calls me and tells me about my wife coming home from one of her many trips to Columbus. Laurie told her that she was partying with a bunch of friends and things got crazy. Maria said Laurie was shaking and had the look of fear on her face. This helps with my talk with Eric the person I thought my wife had a relationship with. Eric and I talk for an hour and I realize he is not the one. I felt a sense of calm for two reasons. He was looking for answers and I realized my wife did not have a physical relationship with him.

That leads me to where I am. I still don’t know and my wife’s and my relationship is still on the crazy rollercoaster. I know the other guy and that he swings. I see him occasionally and do not know if I should confront him. I have tried to put this behind me but it seams impossible without the truth. I believe my wife when she says she does not know what happened but I do believe she may of put herself in harms way and has not been totally forthcoming.

Please help me understand what I am to do. I am trying to get her to start on the path of utilizing the concepts from the marriage builders web site and think if we can do this and continue our walk with Jesus we can survive.

Thank you for your time and your response.

So you're wife came to you, afraid she was raped, but AFTER she found out she was pg? But you do not believe her because she came to you afterpositive pg?

What part was an answer to prayer?

How did you determine the child was not yours?

What did she say about the cell bill? How did she explain the calls?

Sorry, I don't want to respond yet since I am not completely clear.

Answers to your questions.

Our relationship was at its worse in the fall of 02. We were coexisting under one roof. Christmas could not even bring us together. Before when the downs came, they would only last a week or so. This was four months. During Halloween night 02 she left for Columbus before our four kids were even done trick or treating even though her meeting didn’t start until 10:00 the next morning. It’s only a two hour drive. You should have seen how she was dressed. Her sister even said she looked like a slut.

In December, I started praying for something to bring her back. I found out later that her mother was praying at the same time. Her having to tell me she was pg was the answer to my prayer. Since I never had the vasectomy checked, I believe she held out hope that it could have been our child. This was not the case as I had two different tests done that confirmed that I could not be the father.

Eric was one of the two people that got a tremendous amount of calls. Laur said Eric was a friend and used to work at the same company with her and they would talk about different ideas. That would be okay if the calls were limited to one or two, not 5 to 10 each trip. Over four months they had over 100 calls. I confronted this person just over two weeks ago. I determined that they probably had some type of emotional relationship that was going to far but I believe him when he said they never consummated the relationship.

However, the person that swings started getting a tremendous amount of calls in October and continued until I asked her not to call him anymore. When I looked at the phone calls to him they were just as concerning. They even spoke one hour before Laurie went to the doctor for the first time to see she was pg. When I asked her not to talk to him anymore she defended him at first as his children go to school with ours but he now works in Columbus, is separated from his wife and he has a girl friend in Columbus. Then Laur said, “that’s okay, he gives me the heebeegeebees anyway.” As far as explaining the calls, Laur said they just talked and went to lunch a couple of times. But again, she would average between 5 and 10 calls a trip to Columbus. The first calls she maid when she left Halloween night were to Chris the swinger in Columbus.

Hope this helps in your response. I just want to put this behind me but don’t know if I can without the truth.

<small>[ February 26, 2004, 08:45 PM: Message edited by: B Long ]</small>

BL,
My concerns are the same as kt's.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">..... I had two different tests done that confirmed that I could not be the father.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What type of testing can confirm that a V has not failed?
When the fetus was aborted, was there genetic testing on it?
Unless there was actual DNA proof, how can anyone know for sure?
I know someone that has had a V and it failed. He also had suspected his wife had an affair. DNA proved he had fathered the child.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I had a vasectomy four years earlier ....... If I looked at Laurie funny she became pregnant.... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How long have you been married?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> We were so distant that I could not be compassionate or understanding. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are you closer now? Are you being compassionate or understanding now?

What are you doing to make an atmosphere where you and your W can have Radical Honesty in your Marriage? It doesn't sound like there is an open line of communication.

I, too, find it difficult to respond to this.

Additional answers

I will take your questions one at a time so I do not miss any. In regards to knowing that the child was not mine. I had the post vasectomy test done and then had my sperm count check to insure there were no active sperm. Both came back negative and my sperm count was zero. No active sperm.

We have been married 15 years with a rollercoaster marriage. Granted I was not the best husband at the beginning of our marriage but I have changed tremendously.

When my wife told me she was pg we were so distant and could not be understanding or compassionate because we were at the lowest point in our marriage ever. We have reconciled and things are better and back on our ongoing rollercoaster. Laurie has been diagnosed with a lesser degree of bi-polar and/or narcissistic disorder but refuses to seek help to control the swings. Currently, I am doing everything in my power to make things easier on her. I do all the cooking, homework and projects with kids, clean house, etc. I have tried for over 6 months to get her to sit down and make sure we are on the same page as far as our wants and needs and she has refused.

We had a mini breakthrough a couple of nights ago as we talked for about an hour and a half and reviewed the info on the love bank. She was too tired the last two nights to commit any time to helping our relationship. This has been a constant struggle. I am the one doing all the heavy lifting in keeping things going and it is getting tiresome.

I am sorry this is short but I have to get our kids to school. If you need additional information please let me know and thank you for your concern.

<small>[ February 27, 2004, 07:21 AM: Message edited by: B Long ]</small>

So do you believe she was raped?

Do you think she was having a P A w/ someone?

Could it have been both?

It sounds like you just don't know what to think or believe but we do know for sure she was with someone else that resulted in pg the question may be if it was willingly or not.

You have a lot on your plate and it sounds like you are really trying.

Are the 2 of you in counseling together and/or separately?

Does your W realize that although you may not have been there for her in the past that you are now and you want to be, no matter what? I don't think you can make progress without the truth coming out, no matter what it may be.

It sounds like she doesn't trust you enough to be completely honest and you don't trust her because of her lack of honesty. That is hard, totally understandable on both sides but very hard to come to grips with.

You can start with what you KNOW. You both "checked out" of the marriage, at least mentally, for awhile and got lost somewhere. It sounds like you are both trying to find your way back, in your own ways but just don't know how.

Is this correct or am I totally "missing" it?

It sounds reasonable for you to try and get your selves on the "same page" and try to reconnect w/ each other. Is your wife too far gone? It sounds like she has lost all desire to put in any effort to make this work and is just going through the motions at this point. Sounds like she is numb and doesn't want or can't face all that has transpired.

I think the starting point is getting the truth out. It amy be hard for you to deal with too. How would you react if your worst fears were revealed? She is proabably afraid of that.

It took years for my H to tell me the "entire truth" about his A and then only when he was put into a position of being forced. He wanted to just put it all behind him and salvage whatever he could of our relationship, afraid of my reaction (leaving). But we could never be one again until the "whole" mess was out in the open.

I am really sorry you are struggling with this and I can appreciate all the effort you are putting in and the sensitivity you are trying to show your wife.

Again, kt voices my concerns as well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I totally agree with what she has said.

Stacia

I believe my wife put herself in a situation that enabled things to get out of control. She may not even remember but I do not believe it happened the night of her company Christmas party which is the story she is sticking with.

You are right, I don’t know what to think. I feel better that it did not turn out to be the one young guy she used to work with. That truly would have been an affair. I wrote her a note last week before she went on a trip because we had our usual up and down weekend. Renewed our wedding vowels on Valentines Day and she tells me she is done on Sunday before she leaves on a business trip to her national sales meeting. I had quite the anxiety but I wrote the following because she was verbally attacking me in front of the kids and I let a comment about her leaving for Halloween slip. I was saying it because... it doesn’t matter why I said it I should not of but it made her feel like I don’t believe her and I wrote the following. "In regards to me believing you, I can tell you this ~ I ABSOLUTELY, 110 PERCENT BELIEVE THAT YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED IN REGARDS TO HOW YOU GOT PREGNANT! I do have concerns that you may have unknowingly put your self in harms way by drinking too much."

I have tried to get her to open up by letting her know I love her no matter what happened but she is very stubborn and maybe embarrassed about what happened. Not knowing is killing me inside.

My wife will not continue counseling with our previous counselor. She thinks she is too much on my side. I have suggested another counselor but haven’t gotten any response yet. That’s when I started pushing for us to get on the same page but she is resistant. I have made it quite clear that I am here for her in my actions, thoughts, prayers and comments.

In regards to both of us checking out, I would say she was the one to totally check out. I had a company fail and was out of work for a time and this turned her away from me. I know she is not anywhere as committed to our relationship as I am but I keep trying to move her into things that will help us.
How did you deal with all that time not knowing the complete truth? Do the questions ever go away? You used the word “whole” that is in my letter to the other “swinger” guy that might be able to put light on the situation. I saw him at the father daughter dance last weekend but could not bring myself to address him or give him the letter. It still sits in my coat pocket. I think he could bring some light on the subject but if I approach him it could really blow up in my face with my wife.

My wife needs hard evidence to prove she is not right about things. I typically have to write her a note explaining what I did and why I did it to get her past the anger and resentment she holds. Something has to change. I will keep working on the tenants of marriage builders and may try to get us to a couple retreat in March with our church. It will be tough, as she has said she really would rather pass as she has been on the road training for a new job the last 5 of 7 weeks and she wants to spend time with the kids. The problem is I know how beneficial the weekend would be for us.

Thanks for your comments and keep them coming they help me process my thoughts and desires.

<small>[ February 27, 2004, 12:17 PM: Message edited by: B Long ]</small>

Your wife can not tell you the truth because she can't remember.

You need to face the fact that you will never know the "truth" either. If you confront anyone all you will get is one side of it, not necessarily the "truth".

Let's just say that your wife is being as honest as she possibly can---because she has no memory of the event in question.

The facts are that she had sex with someone else. That is a fact. She betrayed her marriage vows, you and your children. We already know this. It is disgusting and shameful and I think she is embarrassed that she allowed herself to get so far gone that she has no recollection of her disgusting behaviour which makes it all the more disdainful.

What more do you want/need to know? Disgusting details that will provide images in your head that will forever haunt you?

Right now you may be suffering from what you imagine but take solace in the fact that it is only what you imagine. The truth will not set you free of this and can drive you farther away. I'm talking about details here.

You know she cheated, what more do you need to know?

The entire time that I thought I knew the "truth", I took it as face value. When things started to get "stirred up" again and I tried to talk to him about it he always shut me down, became defensive and refused to talk about it. Not until the last possible moment did he tell me the "truth". Do I beleive him now yes. Do I doubt that it's the whole truth? less every day that passes.

I made a choice. I love my H and I want to continue in the life we have made together, I am not going anywhere. Yes this revelation put us back @ square one and he regrets not telling me but I understand his position. HE was so desparate to keep us together that he tried to cover up what he could. Does that make it right? no but it is understandable.

I wanted him to know that I can be trusted. He was afraid I would leave him, completely selfish. And he has to understand my position that trust will never be regained if he's not completely honest w/ me. I am not a warden I cannot be with him 24/7. I choose to trust him now. He chooses to trust me.

It's different for us because we now have C w/ OC that we deal with constantly. That has not helped but it did force us to move forward and face things. OW has tried to contradict my H when she has her chances and that is hard to deal with. Who do I believe? See I have a choice and since I am choosing to stay in this marriage I choose to believe my H. I choose every day to forgive him and some days are easier than others.

I think, when you are in love that is where your loyalties should be. You should be their first defender. Yah I might be wrong but so what, that will be no fault of mine. It would be because H lied. I have nothing more to lose @ this point by trusting him. He has everything to lose.

What do I risk by choosing to be in love and put myself out there? Pain, hurt,anguish, already have experienced those things. I also have a greater love, commitment, honor, respect to name a few to gain and I can't gain those things without risk. It's all a risk.

How much is that risk worth to you?

Is it worth giving up the past and moving forward together?

I think a marriage retreat is a great idea. If wife is that busy...maybe you guys needs to rethink her career choice. Why would you guys continue to allow a career in your marriage that takes you away from home and each other so often? Especially with these kinds of issues in your life.

Most people get to find out about the other OW or OM and come to some resolution. I don’t think it is the not knowing, because in my heart I know what happened. It is that she is not willing to come clean and allow us to move forward. Even if she does not know, say so and come to the realization that going out and partying down in Columbus was not the proper thing for a 41 year old mother of 4 children to be doing.

I love my wife and want to move forward but at times she has said she does not want to move forward. I am the one doing the heavy lifting and trying to move things into a positive direction. Sometimes I feel that she just wants me to give up but I refuse and press on. I feel if she could just say that she does not know what happened that it would free her sole from the guilt and shame.

I was reviewing some info on The Passion regarding Mary Magdalene, it asked is guilt and shame a blessing or a curse. The answer is very profound and meaningful to me. It can be either. It can be a blessing if it leads to repentance, coming to God and finding mercy. On the other hand, it can also lead to justification, or covering up sin, or even hardening our heart.

I see her heart hardening. This is why I feel it is important to press for the basic truth. Not the details but being able to free my wife from the guilt and shame and this will open her up to a whole new life. Without it her heart may continue to harden to the point that she will call it quits. I do realize I can not make this decision for her but I can do everything in my power to help her along the way. I will not leave her and love her with all my heart. It just kills me to see all the pain welling up inside of her.

You ask how much is that risk worth to you? If we continue down the current path, I see failure knocking on our door within a year. So for me, the risk of no action will lead to impending doom on her part. If I press the course for truth, repentance and mercy we can become “whole” again and live our life to the fullest.

Am I over thinking things and let God’s plan work for me in his time. There is one other way to look at it. If I can get us on the retreat or on the path of utilizing the marriage builder tenants, she may eventually feel comfortable enough to come to the right conclusion on her own.

What do you think? Keep pressing or let it happen in its own time? It would probably mean more to me if she came to the realization on her own.

I really appreciate each of your time and thoughts. It means so much to me that you would take the time to help guide and offer yourself out to help someone struggling with such issues.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by B Long:
<strong> Most people get to find out about the other OW or OM and come to some resolution. I don&#8217;t think it is the not knowing, because in my heart I know what happened. It is that she is not willing to come clean and allow us to move forward. Even if she does not know, say so and come to the realization that going out and partying down in Columbus was not the proper thing for a 41 year old mother of 4 children to be doing. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think you should say this (exactly) to your wife.

I have said much of the same things you are saying (about coming clean and moving forward) to my H. He still would not talk about A.

It has been about 7 years (don't even know exactly just go by bday of OC) since H's A. Only very recently has H been willing to "open up" about it, after much prodding. I'm not even looking for "details" but some explanation of his thoughts, feelings & behaviours @ the time, about OW, about him, about me, about us.

It has taken this long for him 1) to really be able to face it and 2) to trust my reaction. He has said, "you already know what happened, that I cheated, so does knowing anything else really matter?" His opinion is that nothing else about A matters. Plus he says that he thinks I will just be hurt more so why even bother?

I have had to literally put on a stone face and bite my mouth to not react to get him to open up to me @ all about this. One hint of a negative reaction and the conversations are over before they even start. I have told him, yes I will probably be hurt but then I will have answers and can fully heal.

My point is that I truly understand where you are coming from and can only offer what I have learned.

You can't force your wife to open up even if it would help her but you can be available for when she is ready. I have had to hold onto the bits and pieces, the little glimpses of insight he gives me.

I can understand my H POV also and consider it. Am I just being a glutton for punishment or will the information I'm seeking really be beneficial to me & our marriage? It makes me think & I can tell the difference and I hold back many of the other billion ??? I have for that reason.

I don't think I can be of any more help to you since it seems like we are close to being in the same "place" on some things. But I will encourage you to be patient, you can never go wrong waiting on God's timing. Pray for your wife.


Have you seen Mel Gibson's,The Passion, yet, by the way? I have.

A terrible turn for the worse then better.

Last weekend was much like any other weekend. We started the weekend on a positive note of closeness and sharing and then take a turn for the worse. This time much worse. We went to an organized party and my wife had 5 drinks from 7 to midnight. The couple we went with was leaving at 11:30 and Laurie wanted to stay. I could tell she was in an altered state. I would have been remiss to leave her there so I said I would stay. Well that is not what she wanted. She thought I was being clingy which I probably was because of what happened in the past. I was concerned as there were a bunch of guys from around the world playing a squash tournament at the party. I could just see things repeating themselves and decided I needed to stay. Well once I decided to stay within five minutes the fireworks started. She stormed out of the party which was at a downtown well respected city club but in and rough area. She started attacking me before we even hit the doorway. She started slighting God by saying, “Why don’t you get on your cell phone and call God and have him have someone show up.” She was not rational and started walking the downtown streets.
This is not the first time this has happened. Four blocks from the place a police officer ended up taking her home with me having the friends come back to get me. I take the sitter home and come back and have a conversation to make sure she is okay and she will not even let me sleep in my own house.

I am totally gone. I have spent over the last year trying to pull her along the right and righteous path but she resists or as soon as we start to get close she turns completely the other direction. I think I mentioned before, our counselor diagnosed her with a lesser form or bi-polar and/or narcissistic disorder. With the help of some tremendous friends I am able to make it through the night. I come home the next morning and she is very reflective and being quiet. A couple of hours later the kids are outside and we have a chance to talk. SHE FINALLY ADMITTED THAT SHE HAS A DRINKING PROBLEM AND NEEDS HELP FIGURING OUT WHAT IS GOING ON. This has been my goal ever since this mess started over a year ago. Laur has agreed to do the three things that will help her, our children and us. First is to seek psychiatric counseling to diagnose and treat her condition. The second is to seek help for the alcohol condition and the third is to provide us the time and/or time for counseling to allow us to be the happy couple both of us so desperately wants.

With your help, my craving to immediately know about what happened over a year ago is not even a consideration. Maybe it just has to happen on God’s time table if it ever does. Will I wonder or want to know? Probably, but as long as she can get the help she requires this will make my life complete.

Am I looking though rose colored glasses? YES and I realize this, but even if we do not make it and I can help her find herself and put her on solid footing it will benefit my children for years to come.

Say a prayer and again I thank you for all your assistance and time in allowing me to organize my thoughts. It is and unbelievable gift to have someone asking the tough questions making sure you have thought out all the options and reasons for what you are or about to do.

I saw The Passion on Ash Wednesday with ashes on my forehead. It was very moving and from the looks of the financial reward Mel will be getting, hopefully it won’t be the last. I can see the next one being the the resurrection. Following that would be one on his teachings. There is such an opportunity to bring His words to so many through this medium.

What were your thoughts?

Thanks again and I have said a prayer for you and your husband and me and my wife asking our Lord God and Savior to someday make each of our marriages “whole” again.

<small>[ March 01, 2004, 03:30 PM: Message edited by: B Long ]</small>

Wow. What wonderful news. I hope and pray for the best for you and yours!

WoW! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> What an amazing turn of events. That is great to read about.

I'msure when yoru wife starts getting the help she needs with all of these things your marriage will start to improve.
******
******
I saw the movie on Saturday. I knew what to expect since I had been watching the developments for the past year and viewing the interviews.

I thought it was excellent, as a "movie".

It brought my worship on Sunday morning to a much deeper level to say the least.

Anything else I would say could only lessen the affect it has had on me personally.

I enjoyed all the controversy, the hype and the excitement. I thought it was a fair representation of all sides.

God bless you and take care of you, your children and your wife.

Hello,

This is just a thought but I think if you really wanted to find out what happened you could by having your wife go to a doctor who deals with
hypnosis. Under hypnosis she should remember everything. I wish you luck.

B Long,

Welcome to the board. Sorry it had to be this board and not some other one for people in perfect marriages who had just won the lottery. That's the one I wanted to sign up for. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Many of us here have had the experience of the truth coming out slowly over a long period of time. It also doesn't usually happen until the conflict in the marriage is starting to settle down and the formerly WS begins to see the marriage as safe. Your wife will (probably) feel safe when you can avoid all love busters for a long time. That means no matter how angry you get about the affair, you learn to handle that anger in ways that doesn't hurt back.

Have you read much of the free material that the Harleys provide on this site? Are you working one of their plans?

Good news about your wife's admission of an alcohol problem. Be aware that many addicts often fall on and off the wagon for a period of time before they get the sobriety thing down. Great news about her being willing to accept both individual and marriage counseling. Can you afford to do your marriage counseling with the Harleys? Rumor has it that they are great! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Blessings,
MJ

I thought of that a while ago. However, I have the same problem as always, getting her to agree to it. She may not want to know and right know me finding out what happened is the least important thing I can do to support my wife.

I must help and support and her while she gets dual diagnosis and treatment for bi-polar/narcissistic and alcohol disorders.

Thanks for the thought and maybe someday she will want to know what happened to clear her mind of not knowing and I can offer this as a suggestion.

Changing this posting as I am new to this posting thing and must of clicked on another message. I wanted to make sure this post to reflect you comments above.

We started taking the time to review the information from the web site last night in earnest. My first priority is to get her to a psychiatrist to diagnose and treat the bi-polar/narcissistic disorder. She does not crave alcohol or have to have a drink each day it is that she cannot handle alcohol when she is not in the proper frame of mind (upset at me or other situations).

I believe the psychiatrist will also be able to guide her with some info and where to go in regards to a program for the alcohol. I don’t want to overload her at this point in time. That is why the diagnosis and treatment for psyche disorder is the priority. I have read all the info on the site and as I said, we are using the info from the site. I am looking into how to go about utilizing Dr. Harley in a long distance manner. It would be great to have someone that has had a much success with him to help and guide us.

We have seen a marriage counselor on and off for 6 years but Laur has no confidence in her anymore as she thinks the counselor is taking my side. I will have time over the next couple of days to review info and see when she is able to get in at the psychiatrist.

I just hope and pray that she is willing to stay the course on our life’s journey together. With our Lord God and Jesus as my guide I am prepared and have the network of friend able to support us no matter what happens. It is much easier when you have him by your side. I do not know how I would of gotten through the last year if it was not for the Christ Renews His Parish Retreat I went on last May and the brothers I bonded with while preparing for the retreat that I was part of and presented at just one month ago. What strength he gives you when you are able to fill yourself with his love and words.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

<small>[ March 02, 2004, 10:58 AM: Message edited by: B Long ]</small>