I have posted a few times on the board, but visit everyday. Somedays this is my life line. H has OC 2 years ago, but visituation was been on and off. first ow did not want oc around me, then H and ow agreed to have oc come around when oc was older, then ow took H for cs eventhough he was paying, the H decided to if cs then he wanted visituation. Then ow starting to pay games, then H decided N/C m(9 months), then ow took H back for more cs then H took her for visituation. NOw H has C he wants to leave child with me when he goes to work out and told me his life style was not going to change because of OC visiting. I told him that the court papers stated he must be present, so I am standing my ground and not allowing him to use me as his babysitter. H stated that he is waiting to ow to pull one of her tricks and he will not have C with oc he would be done. I can't take this on and off busy. just when I think I can heal from this and work on our marriage he decides something else. Please help...I do beleive that if H wants C he should, but it is tearing me apart. when oc is around the our bc are happy to see her, but H and I and miserable the OC does not know him as daddy she calls everyone in the house daddy and it hurts me to see our bs playing their little sister who is not ours.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by lisaem:
[QB] NOw H has C he wants to leave child with me when he goes to work out and told me his life style was not going to change because of OC visiting.

=^^= HIS lifestyle? Oh, puh-leeze. What about your lifestyle and the added responsibility you have (not to mention the pain and distress if you are new to this) if you are saddled with babysitting OC so he can go crunch abs? Sometimes we all have to sacrifice something (or pay penance) and it seems that "working out" is something your H can sacrifice whenever OC visits. How often does OC visit anyway? Your H's "self" (absorption, interest) will just have to go on ice when OC is at your house.

I told him that the court papers stated he must be present, so I am standing my ground and not allowing him to use me as his babysitter.

=^^= Good for you! Stand firm!

H stated that he is waiting to ow to pull one of her tricks and he will not have C with oc he would be done.

=^^= Sounds like all this is some kind of a vendetta. Maybe he is waiting for an excuse to end C.

I can't take this on and off busy. just when I think I can heal from this and work on our marriage he decides something else.

=^^= Create some boundaries. Tell your husband that this is too painful for you right now and that C should cease until you have had some recovery time to heal the marriage. Ask him to join you in a telephone counseling sessiion with Dr. Harley here on MB. I hear that Dr. Harley is so good at what he does, he is often able to break through the WS's defenses.

Got to agree with catnip on this one. I know the gym I go to has babysitting for 2 bucks an hour. It's a small price to pay for daycare. My kids loved going there too. Why was she able to put in the court papers that you can't be alone with that child? That seems odd that the judge allowed it. You are the extended family.

I was wondering also, how did the ( he must be present) get into the papers? Can the OW do this? Or did something happen between you and the OW for this to be put in there? I am so watching my steps now because I don't want the OW to have that kind of control in my home. Not that I plan on babysitting but still, to have OW tell us how we should do our home is SO NOT RIGHT! I think they have done enough damage in our homes to allow something like this. I think they should have no right (unless there is fear for the child)to request something like that. They (OW and WH) allowed themselves to bring in all of our families, friends ect into the A and then they want to tell us what goes on in the home, that we are tring so hard to rebuild. NOPE don't agree.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Just a question for me since our OC is not here yet. How old are your C and how does having contact w/ the OC go as far as getting along or do you see a conflict brewing ?

Where is your POJA???? This should be a joint decision regarding C or N/C, not done on H's or OW's whims, that is totally not fair to you.

If he is paying CS & has legal visitation, what is the back & forth about? Whether there is a stipulation in your visitation agreement or not, why should you ever have to "babysit" OC????? I refuse to do that ever unless it is a case of emergency. That is a little much. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

OW in my life has been playing games from day one, but once visitation is granted that is it, no back & forth or we will be in court.

OW will always play games, it is up to you & H to stop her now, & H needs to make up his mind, is he going to be part-time daddy or not.

thanks guys for your words of wisdom and not making me like the bad guy in this. No there has been no physical confortation between me and OW, but I did call her on the phone and she tried to be just as mean and nasty as she could, trying to pretend to be looking out for my best interest when she told me all of the A little nasty secrets, but being the christian woman that I am I did not sink to her level. I just told her that I was not going anywhere, just because she had OC or because of the nasty comments she made. What I did tell ow was that if H came and told me that he wanted to be with her and OC that I would leave. She became silent and the call ended. After she spoke with H said told H that I said ,"I would never accept OC and that if OC came around and if something happened to OC while at my home, oh well". I never said that I would not say that to any mother about a child. ow became mad when her plan to get rid of me failed, so I guest she went to plan B(her plan B). court papers never said I can't be alone with oc, but stated H had to be home which is the same thing to me, but H doesn't think so. So I told he since he did not have that corrected in court he should be home when oc was present. I don't agree with contact right now because I don't think H is doing it for the right reason. He wants to show ow that he's not paying and not being allowed to see oc. This is really hurting me, ever time visitation stops and then starts again it like reliving DDay all over again. I am reliving those feeling all over again and I thought that I was healing.