Hi, I have been reading for month but just finally got the courage to post.
Short version. Married 11 years, two children 6 & 8, H had A for last 5 years w/ same OW. They have a child who is a year old. I found out about it short after her birth, suspected earlier but H told me I was crazy, etc..., they were friends. He promised NC but that never last for more then a couple days. She filed for CS and he said he would never talk w/ her again for doing that. The CS order over 1300 a month inc daycare and we struggled financially paying 700 a month prior to the order. The CS is per state guidelines and nothing to change it. Any way, now money is worse then ever but I thought at least OW and OC were out of our lives, WRONG - he has been more involved with OC since this happened, doesnt want to go to MC anymore, said he would talk with OW about whatever he wants, whenever he wants. It is the same circle - he says he wants to work on things, then within a week or two I start to feel him pulling away then he doesn't know what he wants, etc.... I want my marriage but he seems content to sit on the fence. Since finding out over a year ago, he has admitted the A has continued. I can not finacially have him leave. My family does not know about any of this but his does and they would like to welcome OC which I will not stand for. I am embarrassed for anyone to know. Please, anyone have a similar experience, I would use a little help. My H cell bill shows he call OW on a Sunday morning while taking one of our childrent to church - I can not babysit him but I do

Childsplay,

I'm not in your exact position, but I wanted to let you know that the weekends are often slow on the boards. I also wanted to offer advice for helping yourself in your M.

First, have you read any of the questions/answers on the board? Looked into any of the books offered at the "bookstore"? Read up on Plan A/B and how you can use them to save YOUR love for your H.

I hope that someone else with more advice shows up soon, and I hate to welcome new people to this board, but you are in the right place for help in saving your M!

Tigger

First of all, I am so sorry for your situation. I can only imagine the OW/OC situation that I am facing, then add on your extra pain. I dont even know what to say to comfort you. (((honey)))

My first question is, how the heck did OW get 1300 per month? She would barely have to work if she budgeted well! How does it cost 1,300 a month to take care of a child? This kid must wear gold diapers!! Did you have a lawyer, etc? I'm just so curious if your H makes big bucks or not, if you don't mind answering such personal questions. My H is going to CS court in May, so these issues are very much of concern to me now.

Well most importantly is that your H is being just plain mean. You are being treated unfairly, unkindly and I don't know how you are holding it together. I hope you are praying for God to guide you because you NEED him now so much.

Is there any way, whatsoever for you to gain any support so that you can leave him if he CONTINUES to see and talk to and ignore your wishes about OW? I feel so bad I just can't find the right words. You better get your family on your side. I waited so very long to include my parents and when I did, H had someone else to answer to now and he did not feel so comfortable anymore, as I had kept it a secret for so long.

YOU HAVE TO GET SUPPORT from those who love YOU AND HAVE YOUR BEST INTERESTS AT HEART! Believe me, I went against all of the advice given to me in this regard- and I am so sorry I waited so long. I suffered alone and for no good reason. When my parents and friend I told held me and talked to me, it was unbelievable how much I needed this. My H's family also knew and they couldn't care less about me (they talk a good game but made ZERO effort to help me or comfort me- just H in the end.

Please continue to seek out others here. There are wonderful people here and frankly, I am just speachless and MAD at your H and I don't even know him. ((((((( God Loves You )))))) and he is giving you a hug right now.

Thanks for your support. As far as the amount of CS, yes, we have an attorney but it is all according to state guidelines - they take the net of both my H and the OW add them together, that total give the $$ amount for the support, then the computer determines the percent each is responsible for, unfortunately for me and my H, he makes decent money but so does OW, OW makes less then my H but could not afford daycare, etc.. w/o help. Anyway it was determine that it would be a 60/40 split of the support amount and then 60/40 of daycare, 60/40 of medical bills, and the OC is a chronically sick child so they are very high.
I will give the OW credit on two things - first she did not ask for any contributions on the out of pocket medicals to date which we did get a copy of and they are over 4 K, she signed the p/w agreeing to waive all arrarage and all prior out of pocket medical and daycare, and as many times as OC has been hospitalized she has not used it to her advantage - I am not at all praising her just pointing out that it could be worse. Sorry to get off track, back to the money, anyway the basic support is 189 a week not including his share of the daycare expense which is another 100 plus a week, so yes it is legal, our attorney was not much use because it is all based on their pay, my salary was not even considered, so weather I worked or not that would be the amount. I just dont know what to do, I was hoping that once the CS was done, so would the C but it has seemed to have the reverse effect. I am now on antidepressants and H tells me that we can not afford MC anymore, why??
FYI
go GOOGLE.com and look for CS calculators - they can give you a rough idea of what your H may likly pay.