I finally found an attorney that lives in my state and works both states. We have an appointment Tues-3:30 PM. First thing he asked was I sure I didn't want to file for a D. And that we both needed to be there, if this was to be a joint thing. I've started writing down questions for him so if anyone has anything else that I need not to forget let me know. He said we will first get proof that she is preg. And we would go from here. He just said man youv'e got a mess. LOL Yep! I'm excited to finally get this stuff rolling. I think we need to know our options and what we can do to protect ourselves. And so help me if H finds a way not to go <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> then I will file real seperation papers! It's time for him to help take care of his mess!. I'm not doing this w/o a lawyer, no matter how much it cost. So I need help on what to ask and what to make sure we get covered. So those of you thats been there let me know. Thanks

I would ask the lawyer if theya re willing to dowhat it takes to protect you, your d and your family.

I don't really know otherwise, lynng might be more helpful in that area.

I have come to the conclusion that we need to find ourselves an agressive lawyer toput OW in her place. I can not keep going on with this if she is going to be allowed to goagainst the court order whenever she wants and pull these stunts.

We literally have NO $$$$$$ but I am willing to do what I have to do to get the $$$$ somehow. I will beg and borrow from everyone and anyone I know if I have to.

We have an appt. w/ H uncle today who is a lawyer, I am not expecting much but I don't care, I am still going to use this opportunity to ask more questions. Maybe he can refer us to someone who IS willing to help us.

Even if we decide to finally choose NC, I still want it all in writing so OW can never contact and bother me again!

Good post, Sunny. We are in the exact same boat- going to lawyer asap and I could use a little punchlist too. Thanks!!!!

The one I talked to is (I hear) is very aggressive. And I am going to show OW I will not be played w/ any longer !!! If I have to charge up my C/C and pay for it for the rest of my life !!. And like I said if H doesn't want ot go this route, then hes not doing what is best for this family and may not need to be here. I really hate that but I will not be played w/ any longer. And if he is ready to be the family we could be then lets get on w/ it. I want my life back, the one we control, not her. The more we let her control the more the devil gets in, she's working for him, thats just the way I see it! I love my H w/ all my heart and we have been working on what could be the best marriage ever, but we must put her where she belongs, out of it! And this attorney said he could do this. We have to cross the waters and I'm sure the Lord will part them for us, if we let him and trust him to do so. I will tell hubby tonight about the appointment and that we are not caneling it. If I have to go by myself, then I will take care of me and my D, that day. And go on w/ our lives.

Told H over the weekend I found the attorney and we had an appointment for Tues. He simply said, can't take off work. So I withdrew and said nothing for several hours. Plus we had our D and I didn't want to get into it w/ her around. But after she went to sleep I asked him why and when could he go. I asked if he wasn't willing to protect us? He said yes and he would do whatever it took. And I told him that this needed to be done. I wouldn't allow her to run my life and if he did, then so be it. I told him she wasn't going to do right no matter what & I wasn't going to deal w/ her attitude any longer. I was going to do everything in my power to protect our D!! She was my main concern!. He finally said yes he would go and get it over w. He knows once the attorney sends her papers she's going to start more crap. I also told him that I knew she was still calling and he needed to stop all contact w/ her. I wasn't going to deal w/ her using the OC to keep contact and keep crap going. And for his Sis that he shouldn't be talking to anyone that is not supporting our marriage and wants to see us together. I didn't think she wanted us together and didn't want to be around her. He said that once the papers get to the OW there no telling what she will say and do. I said that was fine and I'm going to handle her when that happened, and the attorney could stop her. Lets do in legally and then we have a better chance of dealing w/ her. I think he is scared and doesn't really know what she is going to do, and how I'm oing to take it. I'm sure there are alot more stories she could tell me and thats what he is thinking. I'm still making a list of questions to ask in hopes that I wont forget anything, but I'm sure I will.

Sunny,

Well it looks like you & H are on your way to getting things in order.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He finally said yes he would go and get it over w. He knows once the attorney sends her papers she's going to start more crap. I also told him that I knew she was still calling and he needed to stop all contact w/ her. I wasn't going to deal w/ her using the OC to keep contact and keep crap going.

Sounds like a bit of "fog" there, Do you think he is afraid of her & if so why? Do you know how the contact is still going on? If she is calling your house still you may want to invest in changing your #. I had to do that because OW had my # & thought she would call whenver she wanted.
I am praying so hard for you that OC is not your H's, OW is probably not sure either, why else would she be so ticked off about it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />


</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And for his Sis that he shouldn't be talking to anyone that is not supporting our marriage and wants to see us together. I didn't think she wanted us together and didn't want to be around her. He said that once the papers get to the OW there no telling what she will say and do. I said that was fine and I'm going to handle her when that happened, and the attorney could stop her. Lets do in legally and then we have a better chance of dealing w/ her. I think he is scared and doesn't really know what she is going to do, and how I'm oing to take it. I'm sure there are alot more stories she could tell me and thats what he is thinking.

I agree with you %100, you only need positive people around you who support you & H trying to restore your marriage, family or not. My dad told me this morning that he wished I would follow his advice, (divorce my H), we laughed about it, but I know he hurts over this situation, but it is my life & my marriage, only I can decide when to let it go. Don't listen to anymore crap from OW let your lawyer handle her, his sis, & anyone one else who is not for you is against you, it is just that simple. He has to not be afraid of OW & stand up for you, your marriage & D, that is what comes first.

Stay strong, God will see you through this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

He (H) said that he would, but he knows that OW is crazy as a bug and she'll do anything to get to me. I guess he's afraid that I will listen to her. She's a lier too. I figure what ever she saids about the past is the past and if she has anything since 1-1-04 then she can prove it. And if she can then he needs to be afraid. The phone calls are on his cell. She doesn't call the house unless shes really mad at me. But I told him she's still telling you how bad of a person I was when we where seperated, and how much I tried to take everything from him. But he was wrong, and my lawyer did her job. Our state is a 50/50 state unless someone is guilty of adultery or abuse. And he has OW so I let my attorney do her job, until I couldn't take the fighting and mud slinging any longer. I guess he's scared I'll do it again. But it wasn't good for me or my D so if there is a next time I'm just getting what I want and leaving. He said he was scared of me and her being in a situation where she could hit me. He knows she would and he's afraid of her hurting me. I have a lung that I lost 1/3 of 3-yrs ago and I can't be hit in the chest because it could come undone. And she knows this, thanks to SIL. OW is quiet the red neck I must say. I have this thing about changing my numbers, we have had our numbers for years and like I am standing firm on her not taking over my life!! Hopfully the attorney can put a stop to alot of this. But its been quiet and I have ENJOYED it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> We had a great weekend at our cabin. We are planning another good weekend this weekend so hope she has fun being preg and alone !! I feel me and H living our life and getting closer everyday is the best revenage <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

RESTRAINING ORDER. I hope you are documenting each and everytime this crazy ow contacts you. Then if she even looks at you within that boundary she will/can go to jail. Nothing better.

As for this sister, you and your husband still have a way to go. He needs to tell her to butt out. If she doesn't. CUT HER OFF. If his parents are saying things around her. Then don't tell them anything.

You sound so strong. Good for you. Doesn't it feel good to take control? This is what is driving her crazy. See, her dirty little secret it out. Your husband chose you, and she can't say it's for the kids, can she? She doesn't want things done legally??????? Hmmmmm, does that ever sound familiar. I wonder what she is afraid of? You can have it so that if she even dials his number by mistake, she will get charged with stalking/harrassment. Do it. Like I said in another post. It's like training a dog. Rub her nose in her own sh^t a few times and she will go elswhere!

Any more info on the trip? My hopes for you is that she is writhing in pain, alone in the delivery room and you and your husband are dancing under the stars, wrapped in each others arms!!!!

Keep the faith.

Still planning the trip. Actually we have several trips we are working on. Hope she's having fun (Barfing) and being preg, while we are taking trips to our cabin, talladega, (for a race) Cruise, and a bike (we have a Harley) run to raise money for child hosp. Big plans for the 4th of july and still planning things. God gives me the strength that I have and I thank him everyday. Like I said the more we do together and don't stay around here, the closer and stronger of relationship gets!. We have another concert this weekend. We're going to spend it before she can get it. !! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I will so much better after tomorrow and we met w/ this attorney and get this over with. I think my H will feel better afterwards too. I have to remember he's scared as I am. Maybe not scared just concerned. The unknown is the greatest fear thing I know. The more I find out, though my attorney, the more I know what I can do and what OW can do, makes me stronger too. I even had a flash this weekend on getting my tubes untide and having another, but I just don't know about that. I'll wait till this calms down. I don't want to be under so much stress. He was all for it and thought it would be great. Wants me to call my doctor and get infor on doing it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> We'll see.

Going away every weekend sounds wonderful! I'm so glad for you.

I know of many couples who went on to have another child together, after A. It was symbolic in a way, of their recommitment to each other and a testiment to what God had done in thier lives and marriage.

Baby #2 is especially "special" to my heart for the same reasons. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I would be hesitant of course, as you, to wait awhile and not rush into any major decision about that.

How about renewing your vows first and then planning a bigger family? That would give you some more time to focus on your marriage and each other and really be able to celebrate your love for each other.

Just my thoughts.

I am so happy for you that you 2 are able and willing to take this time for each other and focus on each other and your marraige. It is so important and realy encourages a thorough healing and forgiveness. What a way to reconnect and hang on to what you have---each other! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I really think he is going just to make me happy. Or maybe just to make me feel more at ease. Don't know, he still seems alittle if-y about it. But I told him we can't trust her to stick to her word and she may change her mind. And what if she just disapears? (Would make me happy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) But he wouldn't be able to see the child. I just don't know sometimes why he doesn't want to do the attorney thing. I asked him yesterday how did we know she was even preg, and telling the truth. His reply was I trust her? Now how do I take that? I told him I didn't trust her as far as I could throw her. So should this comment make me wonder? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> If maybe he's not telling me everything. I am going to come unglued if he was w/ her when she found out !! He's had ample time to come clean if he did. Maybe I'm just making up things to worry about, don't know. Something just doesn't feel good about her not wanting the DNA and him not really wanting the lawyer. Started talking about the money and stuff this morning ans I told him we would find a way to pay the attorney and it has to be done. And to add to everything else my car got stolen yesterday (which is only 1 yr old) from the grocery store! He went to the store and came out it was gone. Maybe this is Gods way of opening up the money for CS, don't know. Everything happens for a reason. I'm still aggravated about my health insurance going to almost 500.00 mth to add him and the OC on to. He's changed jobs and is loosing his insurance. I said I wouldn't pay for this OC but it looks like I am. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> AHHHHHHH Sorry had to scream there for a minute. I read the nycmedic, what if mine is doing the same thing. Telling me this and her that. I think our OW would call me, just to show me wrong though. Can you tell I'm stressing today? Might be the stress of going to the attorney's today. BREATHE, I guess I'm going to have to take a chill pill. Don't really like those either. Makes me slow down and I don't have time to slow down. I want to beleive him, and I'm still having doubts, it this normal? I just don't want everything just to blow up in my face again. But I know there are no way to know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Plus another thing that has bothered me is I haven't told my parents. I know they would just about pay for the D !!! I don't want to hear my mom say "I told you he wouldn't leave her alone". My parents have left us to work out our problems and my mother is a quiet person, but this is stuck in the back of my brain, and I can't get rid of it. He wants to renew our vows in 12-04 on our anniversary, just have a small get together w/ friends and stuff. I'm hoping we make it. Well enough babbling thanks for listening. Just say a prayer for us. Thanks

Sunnydale talking woman to woman not bs to ow, okay? You mentioned your not sure if you trust him completely on the details. Can I ask you something? If you were to find out details from her how would that make you feel? NOt good I'm sure. If your trying to work it out with your husband why go there. More than likely he is NOT telling you everything. For more than one reason....one not to hurt you anymore than you already have been and two maybe to because he's already in hot water. I think if I was in your shoes and wanted to make it work with him I'd just leave the details alone. I can tell you from experence xmm in my life did not tell her half the truth. It is not worth it to me to come clean to her. She's a smart lady and it's up to her to decide for herself. I'm not protecting him in anyway, it's just that I have enough on my plate with a new baby coming and working and two kids at home and working out all the new details of my life than to worry about them and if she believs him or not. Just as they are not worried about my feelings. You sound smart too. I'm not saying to just ignore the signs....I'm just saying you have to go with your gut and choose if it's worth it or not. That is woman to woman in any situation. Don't get me wrong, when xmm called me to tell me what the "facts" of the relationship were I bout died. I was floored. I have no idea if she was sitting there or not....did not care really. I just realized that at that point I was done talking to him about anything and nothing could be trusted out of his mouth and I would let my attorney handled him and her for that matter from there on out. My goal here is to put my kids already here through as less stress as they need to be and less "change" then needs to be. I think it would just cause more problems in your marriage if you did happen to talk to her and get her side so to speak. As well, in the long run you still would not believe her, but be upset and pissed off all over again. Maybe he trusts her word cause he did know. But maybe too he was just to scared to tell you. It's not right, but most men are conflict avoiders. I'm getting ready to give birth next week (god willing) and xmm knew since July 28th, that I was pregnant. I took the home pregnancy test the day before and called him the next day on the way to the doctors for a blood test, to tell him. He told his wife just before valentines day over 8 months later. She knew nothing of the affair or the baby until then. She is newly pregnant right? Well, thank goodness he did tell you now instead of waiting till a month before she was due. xmm dumped me the day I told him. Not before, not after...the day I told him. I have left him alone for the most part. He made certain promises to me due to his race and our age (medical) that he did not go through with and then begged me for a dna test through amino and did a no show to both appointments. I have no problem with the DNA test. The way I see it, it not only protects xmm, it also protects my daughter. Sure I was mad when he first said it, but after a few moments I thought about it and said SURE. That way in 3 4 or even 10 years down the line he can never come back and say well she does not have my dna going through her viens. So that is crazy that she is upset over it. This situation is not easy for anyone who is going through this. I really think (don't be stupid) that if your marriageis worth it don't go there. If you get things out of your husband and or other ways and confront him than that is another story and your allowing him to come clean to you without her interference (or in your case your sil either) Good luck