Hello everyone, I am new to the board and have read a lot of the posts over the past few days. Briefly, my H and I have been reconciling for the past 3 or so months and back living together since Jan. H had short-lived A and the OW is pregnant, due in July. We have 3 daughters ages 11,4 and 11 months and have been married for 13 years, together for about 16, friends since we were in Junior High School. I have read many of you talk about NC with the OC and about CS. My question is this, is filing for legal separation and filing CS on my H the only way to protect our family's financial health? I had never even thought to do that and personally, it saddens me that may be the only way to protect us. I am a Christian and have been trying to do the right thing over the past 7-8 months (all started last June). I get butterflies when I think of putting on paper that me and my H are "legally separated". We worked so hard to get back together, now I have to file legal docs and file for CS??? I couldn't bring myself to even do it when he had left us for 6 months. Please help. I mentioned this option to my H and he is more than willing to do whatever to protect our family.

BTW H is truly remorseful and sorry about the mess he has put us in. Sorry for the length of this post, I am just so full of emotions and questions right now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<small>[ March 12, 2004, 04:56 PM: Message edited by: LoveMyFamily ]</small>

I'm new here too and my attorney said YES!! Our OW can also get my salary and this is the BEST thing to do to protect me and my C ! Its soulds so bad and I felt it would look like I was giving up but no. The OW from what I have read here are out to get what they think they deserve. Not, its stealing!! (I my book) And those here that didn't do it wished they had. I'm not going to chance it. My papers are in the works and should be ready next week. Our OC is due in 9-04. I feel it these OW will try and take your H and break up your M then they will take as much as they can in the money department. GET YOURSELF & YOUR C. COVERED!!! That way they get what is left over. What they should get, is nothing but I'm not the law. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Good luck to you and yours and stay strong.

Thanks sunnyd,

My question then is do you then stay "legally separated" til death do you part?

Are we going to have to divide property, close joint accounts, etc etc?

I am sorry for so many questions. I called a lawyer and left a message.

The OC is due in July.

A real (good)lawyer should be able to answer all of your questions.

The thing is, once you have the papers legally filed and documented in the court it will stay as a court order until a new order is filed. Which in this case you would never have to file another order again.

This is because the (in most states) CS is deducted from father's net income but if there is another CS order then THAT CS calculation is based on father's net income AFTER first CS obligation is deducted.

In my opinion, I would have any joint property put in your name.

A good lawyer will be able to advise you more accurately to the laws in your specific state. Let them know that you are trying to protect your children as best as possible.

If not, then OW will get CS based on father's complete net income without regard to how many children he has to support @ home. That is just how it works.

LoveMyFamily,

So sorry to see you here. Your situation sounds so similar to mine and it is so heartbreaking.

My H's A was short-lived as well, O/C born recently. We saw an attorney last week and he told me he did not see any need for legal separation, that my income would not be considered. We don't know for sure if O/C is my H's but he thinks so. Of course, paternity tests, etc. will have to be done before anything.

Now I'm not so sure what to think. I wonder if we should see another lawyer. This is all so very hard to deal with. I can handle the A but the O/C is a whole different issue and I am just taking it a day at a time for now.

This is the very last place I ever thought I'd ever find myself.

Good luck to you.

well, I am not too knowledgable about the law, but you should go see another lawyer...I dont know if you have children together, but you know who ever gets in line first will get the biggest chunk of your H income...I do know they take into consideration if he has an earlier CS order...maybe they will take into consideration if he has an alimony payment too...that way OC not get as big a chunk of his pay--isnt that how it works??

We go tomorrow to see an attorney for the situation w/ OW. Since we filed last year everything is already seperated. We still have sep accounts and for me not to change it. We stopped the D and now we have to do the legal seperation, which I think will be for a short time at least til after the OC is born and the test are done. But if she is indeed intitled to my income, then ours might be for awhile. Hope after we meet the attorney tomorrow I can give you more insight. Good luck. Its a mess to go thru, but in the end you have your legal stuff in place. Plus if it turns out not to be his, then you have your legal stuff in place to sue her for her actions. W/O it you wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

Thank you all soo much, I am sooo confused as to what to do. I did speak with an attorney over the phone earlier today and he was not very helpful at all and basically made me feel like what I was trying to do was ridiculous. He said it would cost more to be legally separated than what the CS order would have him pay the OW. He said we would have to provide receipts of different residences, etc. I am still waiting to speak with another lawyer. I think I need specific questions to ask. Do I tell them that we are not "really separated" but just want to do this so the OC does not get more than our 3 children? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Lets just say that you save 100.00 a month on Child Support by separating. By the time oc is 18 that is 21,600.00 That is a nice chunk of change to have saved.

Keep looking. Find a laywer that is strong for Fathers rights. One that will put you and your family first. They are out there.

You always be honest with a laywer. Tell them what you want done. Up front. No lies. Plain and simple. It is their job, as your attorney to legally advise and guide you through the process. It is your job to be on top of things and to study and learn and see what you can do. By participating in your legal defense, you are educating yourself and knowledge is power.

Ask things like: Will my income count towards the amount decided upon. If we are legally separated and I am getting cs and alimony will that effect the amount oc gets? What would be the difference. Ask about the address. Does he have to have one? If he moves in with his parents or sibling or friend will that count? What has to be addressed to the new address. They should know what your wishes are. Ask about what your husbands responsiblity will be legally. LISTEN CAREFULLY HERE. Of course cs is a given. But what about health insurance on oc? See about a 50% only policy. What about life insurance. If you do not have life insurance on him for your own children, you do not need to provide it to oc. Can his parents or siblings purchase a policy for your children in the event of his demise? If so do it. That way you are not owning of a policy. Stuff like that. You can ask about child care. Make sure you are not paying her family memebers for expensive care so she can pocket it. Have it drawn up that you want signed receipts from a licensed child care provider, along with the providers tax identification number. Make sure you contact said provider and request audits of their books. She can't pocket money if the provider is afraid to get caught in a scam!

To many courts are quick to say $500.00 cs, insurance, portion of child care; Case Closed. WRONG WRONG WRONG. A good attorney will see to it that mm pays only his fare share and not one penny more. Then they will have to,by law set it up in a fair and equitable manner. These women are 50% responsible too. Make damm sure she is paying her fare share.

Also, do not ever,not once let her deviate from the legal document. If you want no contact, have it written in the papers. Not you, your husband, your children, your parents, his parents, etc. That way if she calls or tries to play games, she can be forced to pay YOUR attorney fees when you haul her to court to enforce the document. It's like training a dog. Rub their noses in it a few times and they learn to dump elsewhere. Keep her and her manipulations out of your life. If you do have contact, force it to the letter. If she ever tries to say no, or plays games, call the cops. Same thing here. A few swats and she will get back in line.

Many ow think that the law is out for them and them alone. They see any MM who does not go with them as an arsehole. They are full have hate and venom for being left in the dust. They are so certain that mm is pining away for them and that they are the victim in all of this. Don't you ever forget the the victim is you, your children and the oc. Equal victims, each carrying a piece of the hurt pie they created. Do not ever fall for the "whats best for the oc" game. What is best for the oc is usually not best for your children or you. Don't fall into the trap.

Stand tall, be firm and take control. Educate yourself and then go and live your life. Yes there is an oc. But what you choose to do with or without oc is none of her business. Whatever decisions made within the marraige is none of her concern. So learn and do what it is that is best for you and your family. Then live-laugh-love. Move on with your life. Do not let the tail wag the dog.

I was honest w/ my attorney and told her why I was doing this. We have one for the OW and I have a different one doing my stuff. We have two houses and everything is in either of our names. My car, my house, my c/c bills, elec, phone, ect. So its not that hard for us. And I only have one child, you have 3? I would talk to someone else. I think you can be seperated and living together though I'm not sure. My attorney knows we are living together. We didn't even do taxes together. But we still take everything and put in a pile and dish out ok you get this this mth and I'll get this, so we are doing it together. It's a pain but it to me will be worth her not getting as much.!! Because her state does take off what his is paying in CS before she gets hers, so if he pays me 700.00 a mth then thats 700.00 she doesn't get. The I pick up extra house hold bills and pay them. Its confuseing but I'll do it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> H

Thank you all so much. I will keep you updated as I meet with the lawyer in a couple weeks to file the legal separation papers.