I have read on this site and found to be true through my attorney that is OW files for CS first, that child will get the % based on my H's salary without consideration of what it takes to support our children.

My question. How do we file for support if we have NO PLANS on sep or divorcing? My atty want's us to file a sep agreement but my H is living at home now and we do not want to do that. However, we both want to protect our children first.

Help...

LMF,
If your attorney suggests filing for separation, then s/he knows that it is going to protect you in the long run...
I am sure s/he is only suggesting it for 'appearances only.' Ask your attorney what is the best way to go about it.

Some have done just that... filed a "faux separation or divorce" in order to protect assests and such.

I agree with filing for legal separation. Had my H and I had children when this began, I would have done anything to insure that our children would have been protected.

Good Luck, whatever you decide.
Stacia

<small>[ March 16, 2004, 03:11 PM: Message edited by: Stacia_Lee ]</small>

Thanks.

I suppose you are right. It's just that going down that road of sep. is only causing friction between us. I wonder if that is worth it? My M does not need anymore strss and if it means paying the OW more to avoid extra stree, it may be the route to take.

His atty is saying one thing and mine is saying another. Actually, is atty is acting like it's not big deal. He is saying you don't want to sep then you don't. You decide C or NC and talk to OW agree on things.

His atty is a little laid back. I am not sure he understands our concerns with finances in regards to our children.

I think you should seperate and get child support for your children first and protect yourselves as much as possible! This is coming from a WS. I have a girlfriend that has two kids with her live in boyfriend. Her boyfriend was sued for child support from a child he had previously. I told her to get child support first for her kids. She didn't...she said the lawyer said her kids would be factored into the equation. They were but not at the same rate as if she was not living with him. So this OC is getting $300 a month...and her two children get a total of $300. So it does not factor out the same.
Do you want to see this OC get $400-500 a month or more. Then down the road your marriage doesn't make it...you go to court and your children get $300 a month based on your H paying support to OC first? Doesn't seem right to me.
So right now you think paying the OC a little more in support is worth not going through the hassle of seperating. Wait till money is really tight and you see OC getting more money than your family is living off of. See how that puts a huge thorn in your marriage. That would pretty much doom most families.
It might hurt now to get seperated. But believe me 18 years of the OC getting more to live off of than your child will really stink!

I suppose you may be right but my marriage may not survive if we go down that road right now. My H JUST moved home after a 5 mon sep and we are having the normal issues. Going back to that bitter battle will only make things worse. Plus, if he has to move out again it will cause additional financial strain on us. There has got to be a better way, this is just ludicrous.

I don't know if you are just throwing out numbers but CS is going to be more like $1,000 for a new born, no matter how you slice it.

$1000 !!!! Your H must make really good $$$. You can afford a paycut like that every month? Do you think your children are going to ever get equal that?

The first cs hearing we went to judge ordered H to pay over $500 for OC w/ NC whike she generously granted H a "hardship credit" of $450 for the 2 children we ahd @ home (with one on the way) and told me I could get a job.

2nd CS hearing, since we were now seeing OC, and H was making less $$$, judge ordered H to pay over $300 and 3 BC were now worth $650.

Yesterday, 3rd Cs hearing since we have OC %40, and H is making even LESS $$$, judge ordered CS for just under $200 (because by looking at the income of both households, never mind that we have twice as many people to support!, OW "really needs the $$$") and LOWERED our "hardship credit" for 3 kids to $359.

So my children and your children, UNLESS YOU PROTECT THEM NOW, will never be equal or "worth" as much as OC!

This is NOT about separating but about PROTECTING you and your children.

<small>[ December 02, 2004, 06:59 PM: Message edited by: litlone ]</small>

You are absolutely right, my children did not ask for this and I don't think they should have to suffer.

ktbuch. I am not sure what you consider good money. We do OK. I am just guessing at that number based on how much I know daycare is for a new born. NO, we can't afford a paycut like that. I am even fearful that this will cause us to have to file for bankruptcy as we have accumulated a lot of debt duruing are on again off again relationship.

Why did the judge tell you to get a job? You also wrote:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> because by looking at the income of both households, never mind that we have twice as many people to support!, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What do you mean by households? Does your income come into play too? I.e. would mine? I am going to have a cow if that is the case. I have worked too darn hard for my money to have some two cent w**** take part of it away from my kids.

Also, why so many child support hearings?

Thanks

Hi, Im new here...but would like to offer what I do know about this situation...

I dont know what state you are in, but in our state you cannot take more than 40% of a mans income....no matter how many kids OW has and no matter what day care costs she has...As I said, I dont know about your state but I have heard of other states max as being less...you need to find out the guidelines for your state.

You NEED to know what the guidelines are...your income comes into play because the more you make, the more they will give OW--not necessarily "taking from your income", but they are calculating that if you are making money YOU and your husband BOTH contribute to YOUR childrens' 'support'...hence, you make more, you can contribute more...which in turn frees up more
of your husband's money for OC...THIS is WHY it is important to get a CS order in place for YOUR kids first...if there are 2 kids (depending on what expenses you have for them) they could take 40% of Hs income for YOUR child support award...then OW/OC Child support would be calculated based only on the "available--(after first CS ORDER (YOURS))the remaining 60% of your Hs income..I dont know what percentage she would get of that, since its only 1 child...
If you dont get an order first, then they can calculate her child support based on "yes he has 3 kids, but he is in the home with them and wife works" and use 100% of his income to calculate what she gets...

It may seem worth it to you to give her extra each month to avoid tension or conflict...but as someone else said, add that up each month for the next 18 years...and what if--God Forbid--you and H do not stay together...how will you feel?

Also, very important, depending on your state (again check the guidelines)if ow works, they will include her income--if she isnt working, insist (if they allow it in your state) that they "impute" her income--depending on your state...even if she isnt working...if she has in the past they could impute it at minimum wage, 40 hours ...or whatever she has been able to earn in the past...UNLESS, as in my case, she is a WELFARE QUEEN, and in my state, since she is on welfare and has an infant she is not expected to work until said infant is 3 years old...(so to add insult to injury, my OW gets CS, gets welfare, and can even work temp/part time as long as she doesnt make enough to push her over the 'income caps'...but thats a whole other topic....

Anyway...please get informed...read up on the guidelines...some states have "CS calculators" where you can plug in numbers...and please consider protecting your children...

(edited to add)
I also have been surfing the web, looking for information in regards to my situation...I have seen other message boards where the OW take great satisfaction in knowing that they have basically won a paycheck for the next 18 years...and how they will laugh their way to the bank with the CS check...In my situation OW is well aware that she can keep going back to have her support be "reviewed" and "increased" whenever she feels there is cause...these women know what they are doing, and since they feel within their right to as much as they can get for their child...don't Betrayed Spouses have just as much or more right to make sure their children are protected as well?

<small>[ March 18, 2004, 12:07 AM: Message edited by: JessieBear ]</small>

JB explained it very well about the income shares and consideration of YOUR income.

You can estimate that CS will be %20 of H NET income. The only deductions they consider when determining his net income is taxes, union dues, mandatory retirement and any other court ordered CS.

PLUS H will have to put OC on his insurance and split 50/50 any uncovered medical costs, PLUS pay %50 of daycare costs. So it will all add up. In our state, they are not allowed to garnish more than %50 of sperm donors check.

We have had so many CS hearings because we were fighting for our rights to get it lowered. Initially we had NC, we did not even know where OW lived to HAVE C and OW had chosen NC. After 1st CS hearing we met and started C w/ OC. So year later we had it lowered to reflect that. Could have done it the very next day but we took our time so OW could not say it was just for the $$$, but who cares what OW thinks!

Then we continued to get more time w/ OC and then filed in Jan to modify it again to reflect the time share and because H had to change jobs a year ago due to developing fatal allergy to bees (he was an exterminator) and was/is making less $$$.

Yes, lots of hearings and this is only for the CS end! You don't even want to hear about the junk for custody/visitation. That's another thread.

Found out some good information from my atty.

My income is not considered when calculating CS. It would be like someone getting remarried and the new spouses income being taken into consideration. It just does not happen.

The guidelines in my state take both parents income into consideration and it is based on the total expenses (i.e actual daycare) then a % is applied according to each parents income. Support for our child will be "asked" to be taken into custody, if we are not sep. I don't think it's automatic that he must pay for their health care. For us it would not matter too much since that Family plan cost is the same no matter if you have one child or 10.

If you are living with you H, I have no idea how you all are filing for CS. My atty. said that would not work but we are filing a post neputial agreement so that if he does leave me we can activate that and it would be in effect before she files for CS --hopefully.

Well, I hope it all works out for you.

Initially, it was very hard on us financially but since it is now reasonable and since I work to make up the difference, it's manageable. I'm hoping I can start working less and less and hopefully H will start making more.

I hope it goes well for you.

Luv,
I agree w/ his atty. Sadly w/ CS it is first come, first serve. I live in Georgia. We use a percentage scale also. In the case of my daughter (10) I receive 24.5% of her father's income. I filed pro se' and her CS order is the first taken out against him. He has since had 4 other children (one a set of twins). As there is a max that can be garnished for CS from an absent parent's check, his other 4 kids split 7.5% of his gross earnings. Not exactly fair, but all I am concerned about is my daughter's welfare.

I just married my H on 02/14. He has one son that he pays CS for and a daughter that we recently acquired custody of. We go to court next month for a more permanent order (we hope) on custody of his daughter. If we receive custody we will also pursue CS from her mother.

Thankfully my H opted to have a vasectomy last year. However, if I were in your situation and my H had an OC I would definately file a faux separation to protect the financial interests of my child/ren.

Good luck to you. tewjtm aka femalesargeant @ TOW