Yesterday while driving my husband to get his truck, my own vehicle broke down. All I can say is thank the Lord for cell phones. We were on a graveled back road when the van just died and I think it would have been quite a hike to find a phone.

My husband is mechanically minded and he just couldn't figure out what is wrong with my van, he thinks it may be the distributor - whatever that is? So I had to get towed.

The tow truck driver asked me why I haven't been hanging out with my friend lately... you know, the woman who my H had an A and OC with.I asked the driver if he had heard anything about it. He said not really, but then proceeded to tell me what he had heard about her... I know that I should try not to obsess about this woman but it is so hard when the affair is constantly on my mind. No matter how hard I try not to think of it, it is always there.

It is not very nice what has been going on with FOW. She is involved with another married man in our community and her H is also involved with the other guys wife! They are a bunch of swingers! I have heard about this for several months now and even these couples own children are talking about this! I am incerdibly disgusted and I wish that we had some rights to my husbands other child because I would love to take her out of that situation, love to get all four of FOW's daughters away from that. The other couple has two daughters. These people are the role models to six girls! And I am afraid for all of them.

I know that divorce is hard on children, but don't you think that knowing your Mother is the town tramp (she had affairs with my husband and her husbands brother, which the children know about) and now finding out that their parents are swinging with another couple...?? Who knows what the effect of their parents lifestyle will be on these children. The whole town is talking about this, not just me. I just really feel sorry for these poor little girls.

Thanks for letting me share this, just had to get it off my chest.
Am I too obsessed????

What a nightmare for those poor girls. How awful.

Now to you. I know you are obsessing. But can you try to find a way not to? What is it you like to do for fun? Can you spend some time doing that? I don't remember if you are in counseling or not. If you are, what are they saying about this?

If you are not in counseling, maybe I can give you a little advice. Choose not to obsess. It is not easy. Minds are powerfull. You had a huge hit. But don't let this destroy you. She is not worth it at all. She has moved on, you need to also. How is your husband handling all of your obsessions? Does he get it? What do you really need to heal? Obviously nobody can take this back. So what would really help you get past this? Write a journal. Cry in your pillow. But make sure you are finding time each day to do something fun. Just for you. Try it for an hour each day. When all this garbage comes into your mind, stop yourself. Tell yourself you are not letting her control your life for an hour. Then watch a show. Get busy doing something that is rewarding, fun and makes you concentrate. Slowly you can end the obsession.

What are you obsessing about? Is it details? Is it the affair? Is it the time since? Is it her? What is it that you are obsessing about. Somwhere in your obsessive thoughts is a snipit of what you need to heal. What runs through your mind the most? Is it cause you have unanswered questions about that? Are you obsessed with what others are thinking? Cause if you are, it sounds to me like you are old news and the swinging is the hot topic.

I wish you could find some peace. I know it is going to take a while, and it seems like time stands still when we are hurting bad. But it is not standing still. Get out and try to live your life. Try to enjoy your children. Try to enjoy your husband.