I have seen it suggested but I have some questions so I appreciate any suggestions or insight.

I have been a "journaler" since I was 12 and have been keeping journals for my kids, writing cute things they do, stages they are in or about special trips we take ect.

I want to do this for OC too BUT the difference is I also want to iclude the "truth" with regards to conflicts that arise w/ OW.

I want to be prepared for the "someday", when OC has questions or if C ever ends and we can show OC OW emails or something about the effort we put in to including OC in our family & life and the effort OW has put in to EXcluding us from OC life.

Any suggestions on how to start this or what?

Should I start w/ a chronological order of when H found out about PG or when we met & C began and just write like a brief "incident report", like write the date we had to call police and OW denied us visitation, write about the counseling we all( H, me, OW) did to come to an agreement?

I just mean statements of facts. There are some incidents that OC remembers and mentions sometimes and I think it would be ok to enter those in. Then there are incidents that OC has told her mom that were completely false that I would like to write the TRUTH about.

(for example when OC lost her first tooth, OC said our child hit her and made it loose, then she said H took it out and then put it back in, blah blah blah, OW of course, believed about our child hitting her. Once OC said I spanked her, also totally false!)

What do you think? Does any one have an idea?

Pops, if your around I know you said you did this for your son and it really helped him later on, when he was older.

Just wondering why would you want it to tell the truth like when the OC lies? Do you do it for your other children has well?

KT- you should DEFINITELY keep such a journal.. however just add in the OW timelines and notes about her behaviour, emails, incidents, etc.. in a separate place. The journal should be something with all positive things for the OC's sake- then if ever needed you could show her the proof. Not even to hurt her mother but again, for OC to know the real truth of what you are going through to be in her life!! You deserve that!!

Hopefully IF contact continues.. and she gets older, maybe she will become easier to handle. Whn my stepdaugther was 4 she was a reall pill and took tantrums sometimes towards me only to test me, etc... now she is 9 and the best friend in the world to hang out w/ while the boys are doing boy stuff.. she brushes my hair and hugs me and writes me cards when I'm sad or sick.. I enjoy her and love her so very much. For a while sometimes I didnt *like* her .. and I felt guilty for that- but I am so close to her!

Little girls get much testier than boys (IMO cause I have 2 sons and 5 brothers).. OC is also old enough now to pick up negative vibes from OW-- she will become keener and keener to the strong dislike OW has for you, believe that! However, if you are good to her and kind, there is nothing OW can say or do to make you out to be bad cause *she* (OC) will know you better than that!!!

<small>[ March 18, 2004, 08:04 PM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by doinbetter:
<strong> Just wondering why would you want it to tell the truth like when the OC lies? Do you do it for your other children has well? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I didn't mean I would write, "today OC lied blah blah blah".

I meant like I would write, Oc tooth is loose and should be falling out soon. (3 days later) OC lost first tooth.....ect....writing what REALLy happened as opposed to what OC tells OW happens.

Yah your right giovanna, maybe just write like I regularly do and then keep the collection of "lovely" emails from OW in our "court" files, so she could see someday the whole thing laid out chronologically and read the entire "case" for herself.

???????

PS: OW doesn't really say anything bad about ME, just says negative things about H TO me, lies about their relationship and things like, "he told me blah blah blah", HE said blah blah blah" Things to purposely make me doubt my H credibility, honesty and integrity.

<small>[ March 18, 2004, 09:06 PM: Message edited by: ktbunch ]</small>

I agree with keeping track, AND separately. Meaning, positives re: OC separate from the crud xow dishes out, either of which OC could read at a much later date.

I've considered putting pictures and updates we got of OC in an album, though we are currently no-c. We've also kept some of the nasty, scalding correspondense from XOW, but I would put that and other documentation in the very back of the book, or a separate book.

I think in your case it would be great idea. A scrapbook, with a twist. Keep all the emails and the court data. Should contact cease, but birthday card for oc and put it inthere. Stuff like that.

So someday, if contact continues or not, you can show it to her. Let her know that you did the best you could under the circumstances.

I believe that if oc ever came to us and asked "why did you...." We plan to be honest. That we did discuss it. We chose it as what was best for our family. There is no need to [censored] foot around this. Truth is truth.

In your case, since you have a relationship established, that could possibly end, I think a scrapbook would be wonderful. It bonds her to your family and makes her more comfortable to have the same kind of book as your children, will make her feel more included. OR if contact should end, when she grows up, she will better understand why things happened the way they did. Keep all the emails, court documents, etc. That way she would have a true and real view of what happened.

If only people would think before they bring these children into the world. How hard is it to pop a pill?? All the drama and the heartache.

If only people would think before they bring these children into the world. How hard is it to pop a pill?? All the drama and the heartache.

Is hard to pop a pill when you believe that this gives a way through life--and you have watched your mother do it and why pop a pill when you think that having a child will keep the OM--MM or UMM.

I know in my situation it was all done purpose--when that question was posed to the OW she declined to answer which take as just confirming her guilt of the purpose of bringing another innocent child into the world.

Albany

kt,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i would definately keep the journal. i would start it off with a brief detail of the facts such as going to court, when your h first learned of her existance, your first visitation, etc. then i would note how things went if ow sent an e-mail note it and briefly discribe it. also make sure you note the good times that you have had with oc along with the times she may not have been so good.

i would try and write the whole thing from the third party position and just the facts about the bad times with ow.

i did exactly that with my oldest son. an example of the good times would be: "i picked _______ up at 6 pm on friday night and we stopped at chuckee cheese for diner then by big 5 to pick up a couple of things for the weekend at the river". then i would go on to discribe the weekend right up to the drop off.

of the bad: "when my son's mom threatened to have some of her friends present when i came to pick up ______ on friday night. when i was around the corner from her house i stopped at the market and called the sheriff explaining what she had said to me and that i didn't want any trouble. then i asked if they could please send someone over to escort me in the pick up to prevent any mishaps". the sheriff was always glad to help out and it prevented things from getting ugly in front of my son.

the one thing i was very careful not to do was use any negative words or wording. i just wrote the facts.

when he was older (21) he was carrying a chip on his shoulder about me not staying with his mom and not seeing him as much as he had wanted. all i did was hand him the book. the change was overnight.

yousee he had only heard his moms's side of the story until then.

the one thing i would do differently today is i would keep all the e-mails, court papers and stuff like that in a separate folder or file. and hand that to him separately to substantiate anything i wrote in the journal if he still had any doubts.

i highly recommend this to anyone in this situation or even dealing with any kind of broken family.

Well slap my knee and call me Shirley!!!! Pops and I agree?????

I think what he did is simply perfect. Clear, concise, not just a slap at the mother. But an explantion of why and how things were, at that time. Plus the good memories..... nice idea.

shirley,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, thank you.

KT, I'm so sorry if I offended you in anyway, But I would agree w/POPs keep it postive and surely keep it truthful. It is a wonderful thing that you are even doing this in the first place w/c. My H decided with n/c it hurts me, because I feel for this OC. But I know I can not force what is not there. Maybe I can start some type of book also? I wish you the "best" of luck.