I am not intending to start any war here but truly want an opinion.

I have dropped my court case for CS because it was getting very nasty between atty's. I did not want to be represented that way and had zero control over my idiot of an atty. All it managed to do was create a ton of bad faith and anger and I needed it to end.

That being said, I proposed the following to xMM and his wife: They bought an apartment for me and my child to live in last summer, the intention at the time was for full and regular contact. After the birth things changed and we went NC, with them making the decision not to be in the baby's life. I have accepted that decision. However, the apartment poses a problem because it guarantees contact, which neither party wants at this time. Xmm thinks (mainly due to bad council on my part), that I am trying to go after him for a ton of money. So the proposal I made was for them to sign over the apartment to me and him to sign away his parental rights, thus guaranting that I can never go after him for another dime. He is agreable. (He is very wealthy, and the cost of the property works out to be $400 per month for 18 years).

My question to you all is this: I am having an attack of concience about him signing away his rights. What if one day he changes his mind about forming a relationship with his child? Is this fair for him or my daughter?

Because I dropped the case, and cannot afford to reopen it, if I don't agree to him signing away his rights, I will receive no CS and will be thrown out of my home...something that leaves me and my children in a very bad situation.

What is the right thing to do here? Do you agree with him signing away rights? Do they change their minds or am I worried over nothing?

I will not discuss any of this with him because I am sure he would think me playing games....but it is truly not about me anymore. He will be contacting within the next few days about getting all this done.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My question to you all is this: I am having an attack of concience about him signing away his rights. What if one day he changes his mind about forming a relationship with his child? Is this fair for him or my daughter? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">First of all, this isn't my usual forum so take my advice with a grain of salt. If you're ok with the situation, don't worry about that. Even if he signs away all legal rights, you can allow him to have a relationship with your daughter if that's what everyone wants. Heck, I have no legal relationship to my best friend's children, but I love them to pieces.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by twilight:
[QB]

I have dropped my court case for CS because it was getting very nasty between atty's.

=^^= So? Let them duke it out.

I did not want to be represented that way and had zero control over my idiot of an atty. All it managed to do was create a ton of bad faith and anger and I needed it to end.

=^^= Was there Legal Aid or anything else you could do?

So the proposal I made was for them to sign over the apartment to me and him to sign away his parental rights, thus guaranting that I can never go after him for another dime.

=^^= Sounds like a nice arrangement for both of you.

He is agreable. (He is very wealthy, and the cost of the property works out to be $400 per month for 18 years).

=^^= $400 per mo isn't a lot of money but property values double sometimes within ten years depending on where you live. This might be a good deal for you.

What if one day he changes his mind about forming a relationship with his child? Is this fair for him or my daughter?

=^^= Don't borrow trouble and worry about tomorrow and try to live in today and let everything take care of itself. Things change all the time.

if I don't agree to him signing away his rights, I will receive no CS and will be thrown out of my home

=^^= Why? Why would you NOT get CS? I don't get that.

What is the right thing to do here? Do you agree with him signing away rights? Do they change their minds or am I worried over nothing?

=^^= I think the home is a good deal for you but I don't understand why, if you don't take it, that you have to forfeit CS too....what state allows that? I want to move there! Signing away rights is something no one should really advise you on except and attorney...a GOOD one.

Well, you've got a lot to think about and consider. If it were me, I think I'd get another attorney to start with. Good luck

cat...as much as I think getting a new atty is a great idea, I simply can not afford one. I am in debt up to my eyeballs already and would never be able to produce the retainer fee. As for legal aid...I can't because I am in a different country from where the case was filed. Jurisdiction has to be in the US to be at all enforceable.

He has basically told me that because I filed a CS case, he doesn't want to support her but will give me the condo just to be able to sign away his rights. His ego took a hit because of the case, and aparantly is effecting him professionally, (not something that occured to me, or was intended).

If I persued CS, I could get a lot more but really all I need is some home equity for the short term until I get back on my feet...which I have taken steps to do. I used to be quite a well paid career woman and am working towards that again but due to my current situation (single mom)I am limited in my career choices for the next few years. I just need short-term help. Am I making any sense?

I think the condo/rights trade off is a fair deal.

You can both move on w/ your lives in the direction each chooses to go.

IF someday.....he chose to C you regarding OC......then deal w/ it then. (personally, I highly doubt it) I wouldn't worry about it ever again though.

If it ever comes up.....then there you are. The no rights thing keeps him from ever even thinking of threating you about your child & you threatening him about CS. Then when you do find the "one", your child will be adoptable w/o hassle from MM.

You can't worry about the future.

I hope it all goes well for you.

thank you for your answers, it has put my mind at ease. This is not an easy choice, but then again, it is not an easy situation...for any of us.

I can only hope I am doing the right thing.

Go for it. Accept NC. Your life will be way more less complicated.

ember

signing away his rights does nothing more then give you sole legal and primary custody. he has no choice in anything such as schooling or religion.

that does not mean that someday he may not want to form a relationship with his daughter. it also does NOT mean that you can't chase him for cs anyway.

now as catnip has said 400 per month is fair for you now BUT property values do go up. soooo you will end up in a winning position because your apartment will be worth at least double if not triple the cirrent value in 18 years. or even more.

you also can't waste your time feeling quilty over someone elses decisions. nothing you can do about them so forgettt ittt.