..

<small>[ April 06, 2004, 01:39 PM: Message edited by: *allofme* ]</small>

I am sure several have been in your shoes and they will most likely respond soon. What concerns me most is that you seem to care so much about your husbands feelings You are ignoring your own.

What about what you want?
I am concerned because he does not have to spend time with her to spend time with his child? He is getting his cake and eating it to. He knows you want him back and are willing to do as he wishes. He isnt stupid. But he isnt being fair.

Untill you make a decision that you wont do this to your self he will continue to do both. YOU have to think what your willing to live with and whats important to you. Is pleasing him so important your willing to sacrifice YOU in the process?

I dont mean to sound so negative, but I am concerned that you are not thinking of you at all?

I agree with MOF. Your reaction to what your H is doing seems kind of complacent to me...kind of like you are willing to just lay back and let the fates dictate the outcome without any resolve from you.

Check out Plan A and Plan B on this site and see if applying these principles might help your situation. I hate to see people sit back and not fight for what they want and need. Even if it doesn't do any good, at least YOU know YOU'VE did everything you could.

Good luck

AOM,

I have been in your shoes, & I know how you feel, MOF & Catnip gave you some good advice, I can only share part of my story & hope it helps you..

I don't have any children w/ my H. OC is his one & only. I made a really selfish decision not to have a baby w/ H, knowing he didn't have one early in our M. He agreed w/ me after much discussion, so it wasn't something that was done behind his back. As time went on he changed his mind about wanting to be a father, we were having other problems in our M also and didn't talk to each other. I too, had changed my mind about having a baby, but never told H. H chose to confide in the first tramp that came along & A started & she decided to do what I wouldn't.

When I found out about A & pg. OW was already 6 months pg. I had asked him many times if he was having an A & if he had a baby on the way, (in my gut I just knew) When he finally admitted it I threw H out, took him back after 2 weeks, threw him out again, both times he lived w/ OW. This has been the hardest thing I have ever dealt w/ in my life & yes it would be really easy to have gave up, we have no kids, my son is grown, but I didn't, people think I am crazy, desparate, etc. I can't worry about them. I made vows before God & I don't take them lightly. If H wanted to be w/ OW he could be, he was, but he made the choice to come home to me.

No it is not easy & I'd be lying if I said I still don't think about getting a divorce some days but I have to live this life, & until I am ready to call it quits, I stand for the restoration & healing of my marriage.

If you believe in prayer, pray & ask God to show you what to do, let him be your strength & totally trust him to be with you thru this trial in your marriage, he will, no matter the outcome. Keep posting here & read up on Plan A & Plan B, Surving An Affair etc.

I only found this site 2 months ago, but it has been a real help to me. I have wasted almost 2 years trying to "fix" my H & my marriage, went about it the wrong way totally. Don't waste anymore time, life is too precious & fleeting.

Do you have any children w/ your H? Have you talked w/ H about his contined contact w/ OW? Does he plan to be a father to his child? Does he want to try to save your marriage & if so what part will this child play in your lives if you are together? You may not want to push but these are issues that need to be addressed, you hava a right to know if H is just keeping you in limbo until HE decides what he wants or if he wants to try & reconcile wtih you. That will be the indicator as to whether to start Plan A or Plan B.

There are others here who can give you better advice, I just put my 2 cents in to let you know you are not alone.

.

<small>[ April 06, 2004, 01:40 PM: Message edited by: *allofme* ]</small>

I understand you have 5 children and you must have a civil relationship with your childrens father. I have a good relationship with om for the sake of my daughter. So yes we are friends of sorts, But YOu dont have to sacrifice all of your pride and self worth to be his friend.

Try just being nice in reguard to his children and of course in front of them. But Remove your self from his private life. Dont ask about it, Act as if you are not intrested. Start working towards your future with out him and let him see he might not like being with out you. You have after all continued to be his friend no matter what he does to you. He knows you want him so bad, he can do as he pleases.

Time to move on and start thinking about you! Go back to school and learn something new! Start a new project, get out and meet new friends, YOU <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> are right , YOU can not make someone else be what you want them to be> So dont, worry about YOU!!!!

<small>[ April 02, 2004, 02:45 PM: Message edited by: mom of five ]</small>