I'm a little confused. Ok if you are a christian and someone is putting down your lord. Are you not going to fight? Or at least take up for him? Ok, then why do we (BS) not fight long and hard for our M. I mean everyone has told me not to call the OW. But she continues to call my home, my H cell, ect. And I haven't said anything to her. She comes up w/ off the wall bullshyt to say to him. I am not going to change the numbers, I shouldn't have too. Just like the topic of not being afraid of the OW. I'm not afraid of her, but if I never p/u the phone and call her, then what does she think? I think she thinks I wont say anything for the fear of loosing visitations. Well H sure in the H@ll is not going to see the child w/o me. I really don't want to fight w/ her, but I think should she know how I feel. (As if it mattered) and I know she doesn't give a rats behind about me or my D. I just have this urge to call he so bad. Don't wont to write a letter, even that would be best, so she can say I harrassed her. I just feel she doesn't think I will fight for my H and say anything to her. I will wait til she calles the house again and in the mean time write down what I want to say. How's that sound. She calls my home I should be able to tell her how I feel, right. And show her she is not going to control my life, or try and take my H. OH and before you OW get a rise in your thongs, I'm speaking of my OW. She is trying to take my H. And has made that clear ever since I let him come back home. She told be the playing field (as she called it) would be even if only she had a child!! Because he only came home for my D is in her pee size brain. And my H has told her time & time again he loves me and is NOT going to leave me. He wants this marriage to work. You might not have been doing that w/ your situation, just saying this is mine.

oh sunny, sunny, sunny, I KNOW EXACTLY how you feel and what you are saying!

Remember my post about OW 'lovely' email?

The thing is, you can say wahtever you like BUT in 'fighting' for your man, you may lose control in the moment (like OW) and lower yourself to her level by giving in to the mud slinging. IT will feel good for a bit but then.......

What will you have done to your 'witness'?

I have had that opprotunity and some parts brought satisfaction and I have been just as catty to OW w/o losing my cool but.....other times OW started stuff in front of my CHILDREN-----and even then when I kept my cool--the damage was done and there was no turning back! It could not be erased or ever taken back and you can believe it was/has not been forgotten.

SO I feel like OW can say that I was mean to her (which she did say and then tried to put in custody agreement that I was "rude & defensive" and should not be alone w/ OC). It was absolutely true, I was rude and defensive when OW was insulting and OFFENSIVE!

OW knows she was worse to me and I was first to remind her...it did get to her and OW made it known that she DOES care what I think, even if she tries to act like she doesn't. BUT then again, that sly-let me be your friend--thing.

They do not want to be your friend--they want to be YOU w/ your H!

If OW called your house, I would simply state that 'we' have nothing to say to you and hang up.

Simple. Straight forward. to the point. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

PS: if anything I would let all my anger, cattiness, rage and insults out HERE, instead of to OW.

That way nothing can ever be used against you.

Or in a journal or something you can burn and throw away.

Let EVERYTHING out and then be done w/ it.

That way no harm is ever done.

Then focus on all the good things in your life and fill your heart and soul w/ thoughts of that instead.

It's sad to me that you feel you have to explain yourself in such a manner on a website for marriagebuilding. To me, you shouldn't have to sugar coat what you are feeling, you have every right to feel the way you do.

Sunny,

I totally agree w/ KT. Talking to OW is not going to solve anything at this point, it can only make it worse, there have been many times I have wanted to call OW in my life. I have her cell # now, she doesn't know it, I could call her or have someone play games on her phone, I even have a niece who knows her & I could say the word & have the silly little girl hurt physically real bad but for what???

I have talked to her in person on phone, I know what she is about & if I talk to her I will only sink to her level & not act very christian at all.

Sunny as christians at some point we have to forgive & pray for these OW's, we have to remember, although it is extemely hard, to bless those who curse us.

I am trying, I know you can too, do like KT says if she calls, don't buy into her game by getting into a verbal cat fight with her. Pleasantly tell her H is not available & hang up. She wants what you have, don't give her any ammo. to use against you to try to bend your H's ear.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by findingmywayback:
<strong> It's sad to me that you feel you have to explain yourself in such a manner on a website for marriagebuilding. To me, you shouldn't have to sugar coat what you are feeling, you have every right to feel the way you do. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Who are you referring to and what do you mean?
**********
We have a right to feel anyway we want- true, but we also have an OBLIGATION to not let those 'feelings' (that change moment to moment) get the best of us.

Someone reacting to or making decisions based on feelings is what got us ALL into this mess in the first place!

Oh, this one is classic. I got a piece of mail (advertisement for a company) in w/ OW name and MY last name and MY address. Called the company and they said the information was asked to be sent the. SO TELL ME WHO IS PLAYING WHAT. What did she get out of that? I mean how brainless can one person be ! Thats the kind of [censored] I'm tired of. Maybe she just trying to get me to blow up, because soooo far she hasn't been able to make me do that. I'm sleeping w/ the man every night. I'm the one he comes home to. I'm the one he told HER that he loved. So what in the **** does she pull [censored] like that. Knowing I'm keeping the log, and noting all the phyco stuff she is doing. BRAIN DEAD.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Sunny,

can understand your frustrations--keep your cool <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> and know that we are stronger than they are and we do not need to stoop tho their level and we are no better than them if we let them affect us.

The **** they pull--it's amazing sometimes--so glad that I know that I'm a good person and will not regret anything that I have done.

Keep your chin up and don't fight w/OW--spend that energy on your H.

Albany

Sunny,

One suggestion,,,,document, document, document.

Keep that mail, keep a record of the phone calls, the date and a note as to the reason for the call and/or content of the conversation. Any messages on the answer machine, all emails,,etc....

If this gets bad you may need that info...

sunnydale,
I have to tell you I got mail exactly like yours.

It was for baby pictures at a "sale" price at our Sears and for J.C.Penney with ow name.. my last name... and H and our address.

I called to have them delete me from their mailing list.

Just one of the childish ways to insert herself into our lives.....

Also ow called H's cell at her every whim. H would hang up but she did it what seems like forever....as recently as last summer....

In these past 3 1/2 years it seems that I have read about almost all the tricks our ow played. It seems to be a panacea for the scorned and discarded huh? To create a scene and be seen and/or heard.

Contact must end in all earnest for any type of reconciliation between you and your H.

Once ow learns to let go and leave you and H alone the reconnection will be amazing.

Document and report all stalking and game playing to your local prosecutor.

You can overcome this together.

Blessings.

Debi

i know i am not going to say what is the popular thing here.

BBBBUUUTTTTTT!!!!!! i think you should have your say with ow. not screaming or throwing a fit. not yelling or threatening. but straight ahead business to the point how you feel and what you expect and if she doesn't like it to damn bad.

i kept quite for along time with fh's om. was trying to let them work it all out. but he was treating her like she was his property and i had to put a stop to it. no yelling, threatening, or argueing. just matter of fact this is how it will be from now on whether he likes it or not. and also that it was me that was in control of things now.

best thing i ever did for me and fh.

I didn't tell her to do anything KT, only that her feelings were valid. Peace woman, calm down.

Who do you think I'm referring to? The person who made the original post... duh.

I find it sad she has to walk on eggshells over what she says on here. This site is for you guys to vent your feelings. Not saying you have to act on anything, but you should be able to say pretty much what you want, even if it's not nice about OW, and not have to apologize.

That's JMHO.