I am worried sick every time my WH and OW make-up (they've broken up and made-up literally dozens of times since last July - 4 or 5 times just since Christmas - currently broke up).

I don't know exactly when the affair started (suspect two years ago when husband started acting really strange, violent, and we separated). But last July they finally got around to discussing 'their future' after the divorce: He wanted to just keep sleeping with her, sometimes staying overnight at her apartment, but never give up his apartment, (AND apparently never give up me either LOL). She of course expected he would marry her and then give her 2 or 3 babies. My WH is 50 years old, has cancer he is refusing treatment for, his own daughters won't even talk to him most of the time! OW is 32 year old with a little girl (2 years old) out of wedlock (from another man who backed out on marrying her - I think when she was pregant her fiance discovered OW was having affair with my husband and they all thought my husband might be the father). Anyway, that kid turned out not to be my husband's (but he treats the little girl way better than he treats his own daughters and says he can never do no contact with OW because little girl has become attached to him...)

Besides her biological clock ticking, and wanting more kids in general, the OW says my husband needs to give her babies because my husband and I having 3 daughters is a bond they will never share... that he has to make up to her?!? This is one (of the many) things WH and OW fight and break-ip over - her demanding babies from him or else they have no future together.

It would absolutely devastate my youngest daughter if the OW gets pregnant. She is already extremely jealous that her daddy spends so much time with the OW's daughter.

So everytime WH and OW make-up again I'm so worried she is going to get pregnant. Their break-ups last way longer than their make-ups (several weeks vs just a few days). I had noticed that when they make-up it's usually a payday (not every payday anymore - but they rarely make-up when it's not a payday... OW is unemployed) But now I'm starting to worry if she might also be timing the make-ups with her fertility cycle? Maybe that could also explain the timing? WH is one of those guys who was assured in his teens that bc methods are 100% effective (and safe for the women) - can't convince him otherwise. He honestly believes that it's impossible for a woman to get pregnant if she's using some form of bc. And the thing is, what if she isn't but is just telling him she is?

My only comfort in this is knowing they are fighting about it - I hope they are really nasty and mean to each other during those fights (but not in front of her little girl I hope).

I wish I knew OW's last name so I could contact her parents. But she uses name of man who almost married her (father of her little girl). I dont' know what WH and OW are telling OW's family but I'm SURE they would think OW is insane to want to have babies with a married man, with estranged daughters of his own, 50 years old, cancer with no treatment, this will be his 2nd divorce, plus all sorts of problems like serial adultery, porn, abused in childhood which OW probably has no clue about yet! According to WH the OW's family has sat her down and told her they should break up for good.

ok.....where are you w/in this sordid situation?

Your H is gonna do what he wants and this will be his responsibility. I'm sorry that he is doing this to you but if you 2 are not currently together how will this affect you?

I know you will be affected through your daughters pain but......there is nothing you can do about that right? Just have to be there to help them through it.

I'm so sorry. As a BS w/ OC that we currently have C w/ I know how devastating this would be but if you are no longer together......it would be different because you will not have to deal w/ OW directly.

It sounds like OW wants what they all do, someone elses man. They all play little mind games to try and keep the man in their life. Every time my WS wanted to come home OW all of a sudden was pregnant. Lost the first baby. I honestly don't even believe this one is his. I think all OW use these men for whatever they can get out of them and as soon as there's nothing left they move on to some other person to take advantage of. I believe they will all get what's coming to them in the end. Not soon enough though. The fact that they are fighting should say a lot. If she does have a baby it is the poor child that will suffer for what some selfish person has done just to keep a man that didn't belong to her in the first place. I hope things turn out OK. Hopefully he will see through the fog before it's too late. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

instead of taking this garbage from your h why don't you slap him in the side of the head with divorce papers (at least legal separation papers) and papers for collecting cs.

your h is living a double life and you are allowing him to use you as a pillow to cry on when he and ow are on the fritz.

ow doesn't have to let him get her pregnant she just has to let him boink her and she will become pregnant. your h seems awful stupid to continue this relationship believeing that if he says no she won't become pregnant.

i am sorry that if i seem harsh but i will never understand how some bs's allow their ws to abuse them over and over and over.

my w's A lasted about 3 months and was an EA for the 1st 6 weeks, PA about 3weeks and about 4-6 more weeks of EA. and i have to tell you i was at the end of my rope with it. if she had not made the decision when she did to try and work out our problems we would have been through. also if she had gone back to him for any reason and started their relationship up again it would have been the end.

call it what you want plan b, tough love, boundaries or what ever. set your limits with him, let him know what the real consequences will be should he leave and load your guns (have him served papers).

if you don't set your limits and force him to make his choices in life you are inviting our little nightmare into your life sooner or later.

<small>[ April 10, 2004, 12:05 AM: Message edited by: pops ]</small>

d

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 05:59 AM: Message edited by: baba2 ]</small>

I am in Plan B, so no, my husband isn't coming back to me whenever OW breaks up with him. He wants me to date him and even to let him come home when they break up but until he does the no contact letter to her, get into counseling, makes a committment, etc. I won't even consider it. I have set boundaries, have a separation agreement, child support and 'maintenance' (this state's version of alimony), and divorce will be final in September.

The admissions he made about OW's demands and them realizing they had no future together (because of her expecting marriage and babies)were a while back, during Plan A.

And while I sometimes am worried sick about her maybe getting pregnant, they're broke up most of the time now. Also, some of the time now I don't even want him back. And I think it would be justice if he ended up married to her and having kids with her, then the 'in love' phase ends and he feels even more trapped with her than he did when with me. My friends and family think it's funny that she keeps him on a very short leash - and he's plenty embarrassed by it. But he's so 'in love' with her that he just might give in to her demands.

I already doubt he can or will do what's needed for recovery (even if they ever break up for good). So I am preparing myself to 'get on with my life'. Plan B is helping a lot with this. But if she succeeds in getting pregnant, then I absolutely am through with him. She can have him then because I won't want him anymore.

d

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 06:00 AM: Message edited by: baba2 ]</small>

Wow! At first it did seem like...why are you even with this person? How could you listen to this on again off again thing? Then you replied and know I understand. It just sounded like he was living with you and you very upsetfamily. People make me so mad! How can they be so dumb and mean!!! Making happy life with you your childeren, without his jerry springer shows is what you need to do. But look at whos talking. I hope everything will work out great for you and your's. Good luck!

Yea, what a jerk, huh?

When I feel tempted to call him (break Plan B) or give him another chance...

I just think about how he's treated our daughters. One time I heard our (then) 15 year old saying to him on the phone: "TORN? TORN? Then you must not love me very much if it's so hard to decide!" Then she ran to her room sobbing and stayed in there with the door locked for an hour. When I asked her what he'd said to her she said he was saying he was 'torn between his girlfriend and his family. Another time the same daughter (now 16) was on the phone, sobbing, and asking him "How can you be so cold-hearted?" He had promised her he'd let us use his car to go to the Eastern Sectionals skating competition (my car wouldn't make the trip) but then his girlfriend made him call back and tell us no. My daughters ended up riding with other families and staying in their hotel rooms with them. I didn't get to go and watch my daughters skate or be to there to help them.

Our oldest daughter totally quit skating for 2 years and was in a serious depression. Sometimes wouldn't leave the house for weeks on end or wouldn't bathe for days. It was very scary. But thank God she's doing OK now - skating again and a very active social life again. Whew!

The youngest daughter (12) is not doing so well. She is wetting the bed again, has angry disrespectful outbursts (I'm the 'safe' target of course), and says that when her dad is with the OW (and OC - not his but he acts like she is) and he turns off his cell phoen so they can't be interrupted by his real daughters, she feels like she's dead, like her dad's pretending she doesn't exist.

I just dont' see how any of this can be repaired now. He really has gone too far. I can't ask my daughters to forgive him or to ever give him another chance. And I would be digusted with myself and a bad mother if I ever let him back into our lives.

mm,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i want to appoligize for [censored]/u/me-ing that you were taking all this misery from your h. your next post explained it much clearer.

does your h know the severity of his cancer and if so for how long? not trying to excuse him or his actions but maybe this has something to do with them?

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I just dont' see how any of this can be repaired now. He really has gone too far.
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well i have said it before that i don't understand how some of those here have been able to take so much crap like you are taking and still rebuild their marriages. for me, i am of the opinion you are right.

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I can't ask my daughters to forgive him or to ever give him another chance. And I would be digusted with myself and a bad mother if I ever let him back into our lives
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i don't think it is your responsibility to ask this of yopur daughters. this is your husbands job if he wishes them to forgive him.

after all you have been thru i understand this completely.