A just wanted to share a dream last night: <P>I was hanging off a cliff, scatching at the dirt and trying to grab for something, anything so I wouldn't fall but there were only rocks. I looked and saw the OM, his wife and child staring at me. I cryed and screamed to the OM, "please help me, grab my hand", he said "I'm sorry, I can't" and walked away with his family. I finally let go and fell and just as I thought I would hit the ground my husband caught me. I said "thank god, I can't believe you caught me", he said "don't you know by now that I'll always be here for you, don'worry". I woke this morning and gave my husband a big hug & kiss. <P>It's been about 4 weeks since the OM said goodbye and I actually feel like some of the haze is lifting. I still love the OM but I actually made it through the long weekend without leaving him a message, which is a big step for me. Everytime I had the urge, I thought of my husband.<P>I know I owe it alot to everyone's support here. Thanks so much.<P>

Sounds like your head is trying to work this out once and for all in your sleep -- and is leading you in the right direction.<P>Good work so far, kiddo. Keep it up; you're doing fine.

Some may say it was a sign, others may say it shows what is in your heart and mind.<P>I have always been there for W. even if she wasn't always there for me. Her knowing that helped her and our recovery I am sure.<P>You must break from OM completely IMMEDIATELY!!!!<P>Your H being there for you and you being there for him can be the difference of making a complete loving recovery.<P>He must know YOU will always be there for him.<P>God bless<P>LH<BR>

Help!!<P>I just got to work and you when you have a that "feeling", I just knew the OM left me a message. Well, he did! One Sunday night at 5:00PM, saying how much he missed me, thinking about me everything second, going absolutely nuts without me. Wanted to know if we can talk, nothing has changed about not being ready yet to leave his wife but wants to talk to me about what he's going through, he's going out of his mind without me, doesn't know what to do, loves me so much. Then a second at 10:30PM Sunday, saying to disregard previous message, really sorry and since I didn't respond, he'll leave me alone.<P>I deleted both messages and I'm trying not to respond. Just to hear his voice sounding so sad and that he needed me, is making me feel like breaking. Maybe I should just respond by saying to leave me alone?

Hummingbird,<P>NO! You shouldn't respond at all. If you don't respond, that says "leave me alone" all by itself.<P>Your OM is going through withdrawal from you, as you are from him, and 'talking about what he is going through' with you is definitely dangerous! <P>I had an affair, with a co-worker, that started 7 years ago. We tried numerous times to break it off to work on our marriages, and we made the mistake EACH time of going back to one another 'just to talk about what we were going through, and our marriages, just try to be friends.' EACH time we did that, it would escalate and months later we would be back in each other's arms. Wrong, wrong, wrong.<P>The only way to get through this is to eliminate all contact with this OM, no matter how much you feel you miss him and love him. Concentrate on your husband, think about that dream you had. You know deep down inside, that the OM is going to choose his wife. So let him! Let him go to her and work on his marriage! He can't do that with you in his life! I'm sorry to sound so harsh, but I have been where you are, and I wish I had had this board back then- so that someone could have implanted these types of thoughts into my brain. It would have saved years of heartache.<P>I can seriously understand what you are going through, and I really feel for you. It has been more than a year since I have seen my OM, and I still have difficult times. I know its hard to do the right thing, but you know what the right thing is. <P>take good care... tamis

Hummingbird, I sooo agree with Tamis, you must break contact with him altogether, otherwise he will keep pulling you around like a puppet on strings. He made his decision, and sounds like he hasn't changed it. It's time for you to think of yourself. Your H is making the effort and that speaks on his behalf, he didn't have to, he could have just let you go but he believed in the two of you together. OM obviously doesn't, otherwise he would have left knowing he could eventually work things out to see his child, that the court would order this is well known fact. But he didn't have the strength of love to see things through shows his mind set! Good Luck, I will pray for you!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<BR>

Sorry the OM contacted you...especially since you've been making progress with your husband. <P>I know it's hard not to want to comfort the OM...but think about how you can comfort your own husband who loves you. Your husband would probably make the same phone call to you if you ever left him.

Your right, I think the edge is off. I've broken it off with him over the past 2 years and we've always tried to remain friends and discuss our feelings, it always brought us back together.<P>I thought my situation was unique and special, I realize I've been very naive. Practically everything I've experienced and felt is being duplicated over and over here.<P><BR>

Hummingbird, if you want, go read the post of mickey65 in "Urge to contact OP". It really helps...made me think with my head. Stay strong!

Hummingbird, you are going to be okay. Can you see by him calling you he was being very selfish and indulgent? I hope so. I wish you could see that he is a very selfish man, and is using you and his wife.<P>You are doing great work here, keep it up. You will be fine and glorious.<P>(((((((hugs))))))))

Vy & Trustntruth,<P>I read Mickey65's response and it did really help. Although part of me still finds alot hard to believe. There was such magic between us, and that could never diminish. He always knew what I was thinking and our timing was incredible. I realize I am still very blind. I am waking up very slowly.<P>I'm actually feeling angry that he called. He knows my pain and how vunerable I am. I do feel like a puppet, all he has is say is he wants us and I would be there. He has so much power of me, he knows it. He is selfish, maybe he wants to keep me hanging just in case he decides differently.<P>If he does, I won't be there, I will be strong and use my head.

I am proud of you. Keep it up, it will get easier with time.<P>------------------<BR>You are in my thoughts and prayers.<BR>* Viki

Hummingbird, I know it's hard to believe. I also was (still am sometimes) in fantasyland. But, you have to believe that it is true. Yes, he is probably keeping you hanging just in case he changes is mind, or maybe because the W/S are very strong on him. Hey I'm in the W period too, so I know what I'm talking about! I didn't read all the posts, but do you read books? Don't give in (or up...I don't know the right word, I'm French!)<BR>Hugs

hum,<P>Hi! Glad you are getting stronger about the OM. Everyone on this thread has pretty much said it all, I just wanted to add one thing -- by not contacting him, you are also helping HIM to recover from the affair. In my situation, the OW did NOT contact me even if I sent her a message that was as desperate sounding as the one you got from him. She was very strong. That helped me.<P>--andy<p>[This message has been edited by airheart (edited September 07, 1999).]

Thanks everyone,<P>It's so hard to be strong, this forum is the best thing to happen to me since this whole mess started. I know without all your helped I would of called him.<P>The OM is out of the office this week,it's been a very peaceful morning. I'm getting a glimpse of what life would be like without his constant presence.