Hi,
My girlfriend and I are going out for the over 2 years . 5 weeks ago we found out she was pregnant. I was looking forward to it big time. But then we decided to be straight and she told me a few things and then i told her that i i had drunken one night stand 1.5 years ago. I'm not sure why i did it but back then I never had the feeling she'd respect me at all or liked anything i said or did. Why i didnt tell her i dont know and why I didnt break up i dont know either. Then months after it happened I started loving her and a while later I loved her really bad.Most of ye might not believe that but it is true cause i know it in my heart and i still do. when i told her she wanted to abort and i know i broke her heart but i needed to tell her although it was the worst possible time but i needed to. Now after a lot of talks and stuff we are trying to sort this out. She says she might only get over this by doing it herself. I frankly dont know what to do i'm not a monster and i wont do it again. And what hurt me most was when a week ago she siad shed go for an abortion a day later and when i called her after a sleepless night she said she just got it done which messed me up big time cause i was really looking forward to my first one. the 3 hours later she called and said she didnt do it, which made me happy but really angry too cause i thought revenge wise that went too far.
Well now we are talking and are going for the first scan tomorrow. But things are still hard.

Please help, we wanna work it out i just need some help on what to do. HELP PLEASE!!

ravespaceman:

From your letter and name, I'm guessing that you're fairly young (late teens/early 20's).

Your girlfriend and you are making independent decisions that hurt the other. In one way, this is fine---you're not married. This speaks volumes to a lack of real committment in the relationship. And convincing a woman you love that you want to be committed isn't easy when you've told her that you cheated on her. The two of you need to stop reacting to each other, and start acting in a way that builds love between the two of you. Dr. Harley has a book called Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders. It deals with relationships, and can help you and your girlfriend turn this current one (a renters situation) into something more stable, if that's what the two of you desire.

And this point, I would suggest that counseling would be a good thing. If you're committed to raising a child, it might be a good idea to be in a long-term, happy marriage. You're going to need a lot of help getting there. This site offers phone counseling (888-639-1639) with Dr. Harley's adult children, Steve and Jennifer. They're both excellent (I know first hand). It's not cheap. Another alternative is to try a certified MB counselor, and Penny Tupy at saveyourmarriagecentral.com is also very good (she occasionally hangs out on these forums. Finally, although I would not suggest that you attempt this on your own, you'd both be well-served by reading EVERYTHING under the concepts, Q&A, and Articles links on the website here. There's a ton of great information here. For additional help, check the bookstore out and consider the book I've already highlighted, as well as Fall in Love, Stay in Love; or Lovebusters (if that happens to be an issue).

And one other item. This particular forum (Pregnancy/Child) is focused on pregnancy or children that have resulted FROM AFFAIRS. It's not clear---it's not typically a general forum for pregnancy issues, or a forum for dealing with spouses who act like children (we'd have too much traffic <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ). You might also want to post under General Questions II (infidelity), or Emotional Needs; both of which get more traffic (and you be bound to get more, and more conflicted advice).