Okay, Here is my situation: I have been with "David" for 5 years this summer. We have 4 month old daughter together. We live together in New York City. Since the birth of my daughter, he thought it was best that I stay home with her while he worked. If I worked, most of my paycheck would go to daycare anyways, since I don't make much by NY standards. So I stay home. Back in February me and my daughter flew down to Oklahoma (where I am from) to visit relatives and for my relatives to meet my daughter. Last month I found out that while we were gone he had met a girl on the internet, a few years younger than him, and they had met in person. I found this out when he left his yahoo messenger on and she had messaged him, asking when she could see him again. I switched over to my screenname and confronted her. She ignored me, but sent me e-mails of their conversations she had copied & pasted. Talking about them kissing on the train and hurtful stuff like that. I then confronted him, and I planned on leaving him. He said he was sorry and begged me not to go. I kind of didn't want to leave because of our daughter. I want her to grow up with her father. Well everything has been fine so far. But tonight he works overnight and wanted to take my cellphone with him, which he never wants to do. So while he is in the shower I look in his wallet and find a number. I look up the area code and it's in Hawaii. He's done stuff like this before, and I'm disappointed he would still be doing this after our daughter was born. The thing is, I have no money to leave. And if I were to leave, I would have to go back to Oklahoma, and I don't want to go back there. I have no one to help me here. I spoke to one of my aunts and she told me that's the price. Meaning if I want to stay home and not work and get everything I want (which I am) that is the price I have to pay. And if he is not being with another woman physically (i doubt he is now, except for kissing that girl back in FEB)then I shouldnt worry. But even talking to a girl on the phone, even if she is on an island, thousands of miles away, I still think it's wrong. Im having trouble losing some of my pregnancy weight, and I feel that if I looked better he wouldnt do this. He never wants to have sex anymore. He downloads a lot of porn videos on the internet and (probably)mastubates. My self esteem is in the negatives now. These days I have been ignoring him mostly, occupying my time playing with the baby. I try to act like I don't care, but deep down I do care. It's tearing me apart. We have been through so much and used to do everything together. Now it seems like he never has time for me and the baby anymore. I don't know what to do.

I am sorry for what you are going thru I pray that god would bring people to help you get thru this.I am from oklahoma! I can understand how you feel with the baby being so young leaving and all.But I think as long as you dont confront him and ask him to stop all of it the porn sites,talking to other women ect it will continue and you will pay the price emotionally.I know what your aunt said but I dont think she is right I cannot say anything about you staying because my marriage is distressed in other ways and I am still here.But I do know one thing you should not have to feel like you are having to guard your husband from other women trust me the only one who can change him is himself you cannot do anything to get him to change.So you need to talk to him and see if he is willing to change and if he doent then you have to decide and only you if you want to be in a marriage like that 4/ever.wishing you the best .............doinmybest

Are you married or just together?

You SO (signigant other) has a problem. Have you suggested counseling?

Around here people have used the Harley's and those that have used them rave about them. They have said it's a bit pricey but WORTH the $$$$$.

Just because you stay home does not mean you deserve to be treated like crap!!!! Even if you still have "baby weight" does not mean you deserve to be treated like crap! Your SO is the one w/ the problem. He has made these choices and you can't control his choices. You can look into your role in the relationship and examine that though.

Read everything on this site about meeting each other's needs ect.

REALLY start counseling BEFORE SO has an A in your lives that you need to deal w/. But you said he has done this before...what? an A? or talking to other women?

You are welcome here but this site is pre-dominantly frequented by people in marriages w/ a child born from an A. You might get more responses from the emotional needs thread or just found out from those w/ more experience in your situation.

Take care of yourself.

I am so sorry for your pain. Seek couseling for you and your child's father to find out why he continues to do that. If he cannot stop, you need to take care of YOU. His risky behavior could put you in the way of getting an STD,even AIDS which would make parenting your daughter hard.

Sending you prayers.