I am new to this but I am having a hard time with my marriage. Last June I found out my husband was cheating on me. He left soon after and moved in with her. Well of course she became pregnant. I was pregnant also. (just 9 weeks along when I found out he was cheating) Well now since September he wanted to come back home. When I had the baby in late December I let him back. Now The other woman (girl - 19) is tring to wiggle back into our lives. I don't know what to do and I just wanted advice before I go crazy.

1) don't hesitate--------get a lawyer now and file for a legal SEPARATION, setting up CS for YOUR child.

This protects the income for the family because OW WILL file for CS and then you and your child will ONLY get the left overs. Many BW have done that here so you can look up some posts about it. The thing is because most states (not all) will NOT consider children in the home ONLY the ones who's case is being done. Whoever files first will get the biggest cut of H income. IF you and H stay together great, then you have income secured for YOUR child that will stay in the home.

2) BOTH you and H decide if you are going to have C or NC w/ this OC. You must decide together.

Personally, I am against C. I have found it utterly disruptive, devastating and chaotic to the marriage. But you and H will have to decide together. Since you and OW were pg so close together, it would be almost be like having twins.

How old is OC? How old is your child?

What is driving you crazy, OW or the state of your marriage?

Both of those can be improved. Through your attorney, let OW know there is to be NC whatsoever. EVEN if you and H decide to be a part of OC life---this does not need to include OW. You can file harrassment charges against her if she fails to comply, by leaving you alone.

If it is your marriage........read everything on this sight. Get marriage counseling w/ a PRO-marriage counselor. I have heard that the Harley's are terrific and worth every cent.

IF OC has not bene born yet then even better--do not give OW or OC another thought. Any communication can be through your attorney and NO $$$$$ exchanges hands until DNA is PROVEN IN COURT!!!!

This is enough to start you off. IF you have some specifics, then we can be of more help to you and there are many other's here who can offer you better advice and guidance. You are not alone and your marriage WILL survive.

THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD OR YOUR LIFE.

I am sorry you are going through this. I have been there. Breathe, eat and try to get out as often as possible, at least to take a walk. It will help you to stay focused and rational during such an emotionally upheaval of a time. You need to take care of yourself for your child. I know it's hard and it will take time but things will get better.

The boards are slow usually during the weekends but...hang in there and check back in to let us know how you are.

Welcome to Marriage Builders. I hate to have to welcome you here, knowing the difficulties that brought you to this site, but you have found an excellent place for help and support.

Be sure to read all sections on this site, starting with The General Welcome for New Builders. Lots of VERY useful information and links there to help you understand this site and the advice you will receive on the forums. Learn the Harley very effective principles and methods for marital and personal recovery. If your spouse is sincere and determined to make this marriage work, then he/she should begin reading all the material available to rebuild the marriage. Whether or not your spouse embraces this program of recovery, it is important for you to do so just for your own personal recovery from such a devastating blow such as this.

It is heartbreaking to know that so many women and men share this problem, but at the same time, it gives you hope that recovery is possible. You will learn to laugh again, love with your whole heart again, and trust again. But, it will take time and effort . If your spouse is committed to making the marriage the safe place for you both that it once was, then you can move forward.

Mari, sorry to welcome you here but glad you found this place cause the girls here are great.

If you H TRULY LOVES you and feels fortunate to have another chance after something so horrible, and you know it in your heart, and if YOU truly want your marriage and family, then your marriage can heal if you and he let it and want it!

YOU concentrate on your new little baby and forget THE REST OF THE WORLD FOR A WHILE except you and your baby and M.

The OC issue needs to cast out of YOUR MIND for some time! You have a new baby and a M TO WORK ON! And it WILL be a lot of work but it feels good reaching goals together and growing again, in a better direction.

OC will most likely be too hard at first. My ipinion is that its too soon for contact or even too soon to know what you and your H want. Thats what I did. I forgot all about contact or no contact-- court, child support, OW, completely. I have way too many decisions and uncertainties right now -- its too soon for me and my kids to deal with any of it. And H can do whatever he wants and I told him this. I opened my own checking and savings account, also, and H pays half of the bills via giving me money from his checking account. Forget that- I DID NOT DO THIS AND NEITHER DID YOU!! DO FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

Make the best of having your H home and loving you and your baby... don't let OW rule your thoughts or hinder you from growing.. dont let her upset you or concern you .... THAT IS HUBBY'S AND OW'S MESS TO CLEAN!! forgedaboudit honey! If he loved her, not you- HE WOULD BE WITH HER.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with the nasty sting of lies and betrayal, IT SUCKS but we'll be okay.. I cannot imagine how you deal with this while having a new baby. OW needs to bond w/her baby and you with yours. She should not have any part in your life. Let H be a big boy and hey, this one is ALL HIS... I'm not saying don't be suypportive of him, but there is a point that you don't have the time or nerves to deal with this messy situation.

OC is young and will not feel any of this for some time- won't have any idea of anything wrong in her life- but you and H have a committment to fulfill for your M and family NOW! If H wants contact and you do also then that would be mighty wonderful, but I don't know from your post where your head and heart are now R contact, etc.

Keep in touch, the girls here are great!

Well My duaghter is 4 months and OW Child is I guess about 2 months now. ( She moved to Texas and we live in Florida.) She put my H name on the BC and gave the baby our last name. In Florida you cannot do this without the Fathers consent. I don't even understand why she would want to have a different last name as her child.
My H and I are working very slowly to rebuild our marriage. I think we are doing okay. I still have lots of doubts. He left me for her and I am so scared he will again. I have told him how I feel and he has tried to reassure me that he has finally grown up and we are what is most important. I guess I just have to trust in him which I think is hard to do. Thank you all for supporting me and being here.
Mariposa - Jessica S.

We are all here for you-vent and lean on all of us for support--it is an awesome network here.

Nothing matters right now but your family and if you truly want it to work--then go for it--Try to let go of OW (girl) and affair and OC child right now focus on you and your child and your needs. Move forward--it will benefit you and your child and H will catch up--if he doesn't you have made progress no matter what.

I'm sorry to welcome you but this board has been such a big help for me--I don't if I would still be working ho my marriage if it wasn't for the encouragement and great advice.

You are in my thoughts and I wish the very best for you and your newborn child.

Albany

Albany