Hey y'all I wanted to say hello. I havent posted much and have been trying to catch up on all the new posts! I was also posting and lurking on TOW for some time now. But I am done w/my need to face and deal with some hard issues. I didn't go to cause trouble, I just had a strong need to sort thru mine and H's own OC issues. The people there are intelligent but are very .... confusing to me- and a lot of "fog" going on. They tease about the fog, but thats cause many (not all) are certainly living in something of that nature.... its a saying thatjust 'dont make sense to most of modern society. Yes there is TONS of infideolity in this morally decaying society, but believe it or not they are still a minority! I don't want to namecall or bash anyone cause I am not God and it is not my right to feel I am better or can judge them. They have to live their lives and deal with God some day, as we all do.
However, my biggest problem with any of this is not understanding how a human being can beleive that they do not an obligation to fellow human beings! I just know that there is some CODE of ethics.. empathy.. even taking religeous issues out of it.....that everyone should naturally have.. and it "aint" right to *me* to not feel an obligation to others (the golden rule, ya know) anywhoo I also hate that there seems to be every excuse in the book why we THE BS are the TOXIC, EVIL, SEETHING, DEMON LIKE, SLITHERING, HATEFUL NASTY TROLL.. while *they" and their *OC* now should be ruling your life and consuming you and your kids' and marriages life out!! WRECKAGE comes out of infidelity and things don't go the way they were planned to be.. and you have to deal with the tainted way things often turn out... URG..!!!! Also, LADIES.. we are all of the HUMAN and FEMALE species here... THE saint OW who had pity and undying unconditional love and supoort for my WONDERFUL PURFECT H... the angel she was.... well.... all I can say is being sneaky and slithery and carrying on 7 1/2 YEAR LONG TER EMR'S is just plain Toxic, evil, seething, demon like, slithering, hateful nasty and trollish! My H may have displayed the same behavior for a few months.. but he QUICKLY was turned inside out and weeps because of his betrayal and disregard for a beautiful, sunny, loving, kind, caring, FUN, involved W... I DID NOT DO THIS.. HE DID.. I will NOT take the blame for H being selfish, immature, irresponsible, irrational, jealous, sometimes mean and HIGH MAINTENANCE.. cause that is how he was acting, and HE KNOWS AND ADMITS IT!! I WAS not deserving and I hate hearing WE didn't do this or that.. YUK... GAG ICON!! Sorry but any woman in the world would have turned into a b**** on his butt, unless you have MM healing powers that we witches dont have... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ...
Ok.. I'm getting mad cause I'm really mad and tired today at H cause he had me up all night acting like an a**...... I'm not even mad a H for A anymore.. I stopped thinking about OW way back months ago. OC issues are exhausted and we made a solid decision now. I have too much on my mind to even retain much anger or anything- I'm feeling pretty over the A-- its the marriage issues that we ALWYAS had still haunting us. We both have bad tempers at times.. and get nutty w/each other.... we have resisted marriage counseling for a year now too. We are just dong the same old crap as pre-A and thats why I am still mad at him and he at me. We love each other but we are not dealing w/any of our issues- its laziness in a way. We are both also strong willed... BUT the good news is that our FIRST MC session IS IN 4 DAYS.. whew.. can't believe HE actually called and scheduled it. Its going to be so rough and I'm gona cry but I am looking forward TO THE COUNSELOR telling H that he IS A LITTLE OFF HIS ROCKER.. I can't wait!!!!! He is a glutten for punishment cause he has been such a "violator" as I call him-- he could get a freaking citation every day for doing something nuts!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
I hope I didn't offend anyone who reads here.. this is a support board for US.. so I need to vent and on this board or SI is the only place I can really talk about this cause I haven't told anyone in my family aside for my mother and stepfather. I don't tell them much anymore.
I'm trying to stay on the new course- MY COURSE darnit!! I'm doing all the things I haven't done for a while.. painting, enjoying outdoors, seeing friends and my little nephews and spring outings w/the kids! AND YES KT--- a family should always play together! W/other families and kids' friends coming along some time, and some only the 5 of us. We camp in the woods in the rain many weekends! We boat, fish, stay in log cabins all over PA..... take beach vacations every year. I feel you MUST have fun w/your family - and we always did prefer doing things just our family! That is the ONE THING THAT IS KEEPING ME TRYING after all of this MESS! All the things we do that I just couldn't replace the happiness of <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I will try for them a little more and then I can say I did absolutely everything within my limit.
Anyway, thanks for reading this long rant, update, etc.... I'm stuck in the house and I rarely have time to post here lately... !!!! ha ha..! I need to be here getting positive advice from some of you strong ladies.
