Hey girls, I am back. I knew that I could not not post here because I need you all so much.

H saw my last post and said he wouldn't read my posts anymore. I told him that I didn't care if he read what I wrote - it is probably a good thing that he knows what I am feeling. I told him that I was just tired of him using bits and pieces of my posts to justify why he was not coming home.

Things are good here - not great, not bad, but good. H and I are still having some good talks, and he continues to spend a lot of time at home. It is such a slow process, but I am praying that he finds his way back home where he belongs. H says he is still not seeing or talking to OW - except she called and wanted him to buy her a high chair - which he did. H also said that the ultrasound is in 2 weeks and he thought about going with her. I told him that I definitely thought that was not a good idea. I told him to watch the video later. Who knows what he will do?

Talk to you later,
Kris

Hey Kris,

So glad to see you back! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I was praying you didn't stay away, you would have been sorely missed.

I am also happy to see that things are good w/ you & H. Slowly but surely it seems as if H is making progress & that is a GREAT thing.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

KrisM

glad you are bad--we all need each other.

Hope things improve and look up-just take it one day at a time--but if you are like me you want it fixed/resolved now.

Albany - That is exactly what I want - I want it all over now. I am so impatient. I keep praying for the patience I need to see this through.

Things are just so up and down right now. Last night was great with H. Tonight he seemed distant. Now he won't be around until Friday. I always stress when he is not around. I am just so frustrated.

Keep the faith and trust in God. That is all that gets me through some days.

God Bless,
Kris

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Keep the faith and trust in God.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Kris, add patience to that & you have a recipe for the makings of a restored M! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I truly belive you two will be fine.

JT2& KrisM

Okay girls be strong and hang tough--I know you can do this--like I said I'm just as impatient as you guys but after realizing it was not gaining me anything and actually pressuring H and sending him backwards and shortly I think it would have sent back beyond returning--you just reach a point where you are finally able to cope.

I have complete faith in both of you that you can & will do this and save M.

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

albany,

I am trying to but am doing a bad job at having patience and not LB'ing. I am still as hurt and angry as I was eight months ago. I know what the BIBLE teaches us and what God says yet I am contaminating my marriage with my insecurities.

I feel that H is just lying to me and does not really want to be here. I don't know maybe I feel like I don't deserve to be happy. I am sending him away with my anger, but that's all I can feel these days.

I have a great day and then I get a blow to the head. I over exagerate things that he says to me, things that he does or does nto do. I don't know. I feel as though I am lost at see. I know what I need to do and should do but can not get myself to do them!!

I am going to try harder though!!

JT

I will tell you what AD has told me--take control of the situation. Get the ball back and re-read 180 and practice those things--it has made my H come wandering back--it really throws them for a loop and makes them think when you act as if you could less about the relationship or them.

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or
implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow him around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.
10. Do not spy on spouse.
11. Do not say "I Love You".
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him someone he would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on
hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).
21. Never lose your cool.
22. Don't be overly enthusiiastic.
23. Do not argue about how he feels (it only makes his feelings stronger).
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out.
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).
28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly.
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest
CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he is hurting and scared.
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes.

this is also advice from AD to me & I think it fits for you and your current state--very good advice--has really worked for me--JT--I know you can also do this--live for you:
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quote:
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I wish I could release and be a peace like you are right now BBYG.
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albany, you don't have to wish, you just have to do .


quote:
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So I'm I doing okay on the 180?? Haven't talked to him etc.


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Yes, from what you've said, you haven't chased him down, since he left for his visit w/ family. That's a good thing. Also, sounds like you've been having some fun with your friends, your new BBQ, and your gardening.

Just keep doing what YOU'RE supposed to be doing, no matter what idiotic, confusing behavior he exhibits. You cannot control him, but you can control you. If you insist on giving Plan A another try, then remember you MUST be as flawless at it as you possibly can be. Keep telling yourself that, ok?


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I guess I just want him to chase after me etc and want me--I really have the need to be wanted--haven't been wanted for a long time now.

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The only way he can chase you, is if you STOP chasing him. He can't chase someone who's running after him--unless you guys like running in circles. Picture a dog trying to chase his tail!! I know you don't like running in circles, albany, it's totally draining the life out of you!

Stop sticking your hand out, checking which way the wind is blowing, and deciding your behavior, and also the state of your marriage based on it.

Your H is a mess right now. The way I see it, you have control, all you have to do is reach out and grab it. He's out there aimlessly drifting about, you cannot afford to do the same.
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So read it, believe it, think it, and just do it!

That's my only hope I think!! So I'll try it starting right now!!

JT