m m happy for ya'll Stacia, lil bit is in good hands. Our Ow is like a said a fairly good mom. She may not clean and stuff like I do, but she does take care of her other child. Thanke for the info again.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny

Well Sunny, it sounds like you and your husband are doing great. I like that he is putting you and he as "one" as far as the hospital, etc. goes. That certainly speaks volumes. I know that in the early days it meant the world to me when he was more concerned for me and us then for oc. It gave me hope early on that he was sincere in his commitment to the marriage. Your husband is doing the right thing for you and your marriage. That is where your strength is coming from. You have a level of security within your marriage that others don't have yet.

I for one am thrilled that you are at that point. You and your family are going to be just fine. Happy, thriving, loving, the whole deal is yours again. CONGRATULATIONS.

Oh, and no matter what happens, no matter how crazy she gets, or if you hate contact, or if you love contact, whatever, as long as the two of you stay focused on your marriage and keep abreast of how each other are feeling you will never even have to leave. As long as you two are one, you will handle whatever is coming your way. I am simply and totally thrilled for you.

I still say go on the cruise. This has been a huge year for you two. Go and luxuriate in the trade winds with a Frozen Daquri in one hand, and his hand in the other. Walk the beaches and be lovers for a week. You have a lifetime to deal with the oc (if it is his). Take the week to replenish your hearts. Coming back tanned, fit and happy will set you on the right path to deal with the oc issue in the early months. OW can have her own family and the Dr's to take care of her. There isn't anything you two can do anyway. So I vote that you go on the cruise no matter what. Can't you just feel the salt air blowing your hair? I wouldn't let her due date ruin a trip like that.

Either way, you certainly are well on your way to recovery and a happy life. A year from know you will have wisdom from hard earned experience and you will be here or somewhere reaching out to some other hurt woman. And just by the way you sound, you are going to be one of the very best support people they will be able to lean on.

So, cheers to you on your happy life. You deserve it.

Thanks Lynn, it means alot to me that you replied. Me and H are closer now than when we got M. Our relationship is getting stronger everyday. We will be off again this weekend with friends who support us celebrating being together. I don't think visitations will take place for sometime, so we are just workin on us and ours. Prepairing our family and us for the OC to be in our life. Not the OW. We are hearing less and less from the oW and I'm sure as the due date gets closer she will start up again. But like H said we can get through anything together and nothing will ever come between us again. The OW will, i feel will try what she may, but she will only be hurting herself. She will come to her senses one day. While I will have my family and H to hold at night <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> kiss in the am <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> and love every chance I get <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> She will be alone, living in a house (not home) with two children and all three w/ different names, making her look like the person she has let herself become. We would love to take the cruise, if the finances allow. If not we still have other things out of town that we are planning. The hospital thing is just a show of support and we do not support the fact that she TRIED to kill my M and family. Let her family support her, in their eyes she is worth feeling sorry for, not ours. I chose my bed and I talk the good w. the bad and she will have to do the same. I don't know what I would do w/o everyone here, for the support they give me and their opion, even if different that mine.
Sunny <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Oh sunny,

That sounds so wonderful I hope to one day be able to say such things. It has been tough for you I am sure but you are strong and willful enough to complete the task at hand. So CONGRATS to you now and in the future!


JT

JT when is your OC due, isint it in 9-04 also? Are you going to do contact? Thanks for your support. I have you and yours in my prayers!.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny

Sunny,

I don't even know for sure when she is due. To my calculations I Believe that she might be due in July. I don't know can't get any answers from H. He knows I'm sure but won't discuss anything with me. I don't know if you have read my story, but she called my house at 4:00am one morning and asked for my H. we were asleep ( eventhough I had put him out of the house five months prior - he'd spent the nightwith me)and she told me she was his girlfriend which he supposedly stopped seeing when I found out about it and put him out.

She told me then that she was pregnant and that he'd been living with her! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

So I really don't know any details and am not getting any answers. So now can you understand why I am still so angry? H then wanted to move back home that day but I said no I did not want him there and she'd packed his bags and put him out. (I can only pray that that is true). I have no knowledge of where he lives currently, and he's not telling.

With all that said how could he really want to be with me. I know that I am rambling on and on but it is all coming back to me!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

H claims he does not want to come back until I can honestly say I have forgiven him and I can not! But he continues to buy things large things for our home and pay the bills.

Help?

JT

JT2~

Are you saying you can never forgive him or just can't right now? I know my forgiveness level towards H is directly tied to him and if he comes back etc. That may or may not make sense but my level of forgiveness and what I had forgave was much different when he was still back at home and telling me we would get through this but now with him our again--I can say it has somewhat came back ( almost like the worse he treats me the more I unforgive.).

Just a thought. Hang in there.

JT - I can understand your frustration. How does your H just expect you to forgive just like that? Especially since he is being so secretive still. Have you explained to him that your need to know this information will help lead you down that road to recovery and forgiveness? It just can't happen overnight. What does H want? Is he still in C w/ OW? Does he want to be a part of OC life? Sorry if you have already answered these questions, its so hard to keep up with everyone. He can't just expect this to all go away overnight like nothing happened. It takes time to heal, and he needs to help you do that. Good luck to you.


Sunny - My OC is due in 9/04 also. I still don't know about C or NC yet. H is still living in apartment. Has hinted at possibly moving home soon, but until that happens, we just can't make any of those decisions. I know H wants to be apart of OC's life, but I know he is really concerned how our BC will handle all this. Who knows what will happen? I want to think I can handle all of this, but there are some days I just don't know. I guess it is really hard to see how you will react until OC is born - that is when reality will hit.

Talk to you all later!

Kris, I knew someone else was due about the same time, wasn't sure of who. Its hard to work on things when you live apart. Told my H if he wanted to work on M then move home if not, then call me when you decide. I didn't want a boy friend! I wanted a H! Married people live in the same house, if they want to stay M. If your undecided then yes, don't live here, but like I said didn't want him to be my boyfriend and just run in & out for dinner & SF! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I'm not built like that. But thats me of course. And yes its hard to say how we will feel when the OC gets here, I hope I will have the same out look on things, but that depends on H and OW actions. But the funny thing is right now I really haven't been able to hold any baby's, newborns. But to tell you the truth, I've never been a Oh look at the baby can I hold him person anyway. But I have made my mind up that H will be caring for this child, I'm not going to be doing EVERYTHING like I did w/ mine. He will be doing diapers, feeding ect. I still feel the same way I did when I tied my tubes, I didn't want to be 40 and changing diapers and strolling babies. I want to be enjoying myself and H and doing what we wanted to do. H is doing real good right now and I thank the lord for it, but also I am watching things. H told a friend a couple days ago he was afraid of losing me and it wasn't because of how much material things we have. She told him all I want is for him to be honest and if he couldn't be, he can get ready for me to walk. She told him I wouldn't stand to be disrespected again. So this made me feel good. Oh something funny. I got me a little sports car, he really doesn't like me in it. He said I need a "family car". I don't have room for the car seat! LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> So he's looking for me another car. Isn't that cute. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> But I will keep this one and drive it to work and stuff. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

JT2 & Albany.
It's really hard ot forgive someone who wont come clean and get everything out and over with. H and I talked, cried, screamed for a month. Told him to tell me everything and nothing else better come up. I wanted to hear from him, not her, or anyone else. They have to start being honest and stop keeping things from you. It hurts worst thinking about things instead of hearing them and getting past it. How would they like it if it was reversed? Most men wouldn't even stay! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> This makes me really upset. Men have more of a thats mine kinda thing going on and much less forgiving than women. I wish you luck getting you h to open up and talk about the issues you need to get out in the open so you can get though this and move on.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny

Sunny,

I know a little bit of what happened, butI don't know enough and I am sure my imagination and the things she said to me on the phone have me running wild. My mind is constatly turning with curiousity. It is even harder because he is still out of the house.

He claims he is still out because I have gotten physical with him and th eangry outburst are not good for the kids. I agree but he should still bne at home. If we could get it out and deal with it I think I might feel better.

I don't know. Sometimes I just want to disappear, but then who would be there for my kids? It hurts to hear my son want his daddy and his dad not be home at the time. Or to see him wake up in the morning and come into the room looking for his dad to be there - and guess what he isn't!

It's hard and I don't feel like I should be going throught it. I don't mean to be angry at God or to even sound that way, but sometimes I wonder why did this have to happen to me. I have lost so much in the past 3 years til I'm about pooped out. I lost our first child, mom, and H all within two years. I don't beleive I can take much more - Oh yeah, and my granmother had a life altering stroke las year as well.

I am just waiting for the worst, or expecting the worse - could it be any worse?

JT

I've thought the same thing? Why me and my kids? Did I take everything for granted? Yes maybe. Did I take H for granted, yes maybe, did he, yes. Am I going to help someone else get though this, yes maybe, I hope I can help. Was I a weak person, yes maybe. I am the strongest I have ever been. Was I afraid of confronting the OW. Yes, now, NO! Is my marriage and family worth fighting for, YES. Is my husband a better person, so far he is. LUV situation scares me thought. Maybe she is going thought it, because she will be someone elses insperation, maybe. We just don't know. But I do know we are not bad people or wives. God wants us to be all we can be and this is a chapter, not my book of life!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Just like I said before, if he's trying to teach me something I wished I would get it! LOL. But you know, he maybe using us to teach someone else something. And just think if I show someone my hurt and my faith, and theirs get stronger or they decide to turn to God, then its worth it for him! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Was my faith always this strong, no. So I might have gotten what God wanted me to get. So at night I pray OK lord I GET IT!!! Use me where you may and keep me close to you. My biggest thing was unforgiveness, well guess what, I HAVE FORGIVENESS now and in a big way. Did I judge other people going thought the same things I have, Yep, and I've learned I am NOBODIES judge. And I am here to be used and serve the lord. He is the only one I rely on 100%. Is it hard, yes alot of days, will I get though this, yes, if he didn't think I couldn't he would take me home.
And I am not afraid to talk and tell H how I feel and show him how much I do love him. Look at the great people I have met since this happened. (That means you all!) Just my thoughts for the day. LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny