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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 376
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 376 |
This has been bothering me for some time now. How can WS have NC with OW if there's a child involved? Won't OW always be a part of WS's life because of this? I wish OW and her children would go away forever. If this baby is WS's then there will always be a bond between them, one I can never have because I don't have any children. Tell me what do I do and how do I handle this? WS was living with OW as well. If OC was not in the picture I doubt this farce of a relationship would have lasted this long.
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,047
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,047 |
Cyn,
Being that I am in the same boat as you I see no way that NC w/ OW will work if there is C w/ OC.
Unless there is a mutual agreement that OW & H have a 3rd party to set up p/u &d/o there will be C. There should be boundaries set up though & OW should know that BW's are stepmoms & are not to be excluded from visitations & that OW are not to be involved in the M. In my case I know if I stay M to my H OW will be in my life but she will have to be put in her place & totally out of our M, otherwise we aren't going to work.
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,536
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,536 |
If there IS C w/ OC then there will be C w/ OW.
It can be minimized though. Boundaries will have to be set. Majority of C can go through BS, then the use of email, logbook that travels w/ child.
Originally C w/ OW but FOR OC, was between my H & OW. H got so sick of OW antics that he could no longer put up w/ it or her so all C is through me and rarely face to face or even over the phone. OW has tried to keep communication going w/ H,(addressing email to H) about OC but I remind her that it is only through me when I respond.
So C w/ OW is not eliminated but it is greatly minimized which has reduced the stress & tension tremendously on both sides.
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 18
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 18 |
"How can WS have NC with OW if there's a child involved? WS was living with OW as well."
listen, i don't mean to come across sounding harsh but it doesn't sound like WS wants NC with OW if they're living together.
"Won't OW always be a part of WS's life because of this?"
no, there are plenty of MM who have become runaway dads where OC is concerned. and if he runs, chances are OW won't want to have anything to do with him. there's nothing less attractive than a man who runs from a child he helped create.
"If OC was not in the picture I doubt this farce of a relationship would have lasted this long."
again, i don't mean to sound harsh but if it was a farce of a relationship, he'd be right back at home with you.
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 376
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 376 |
Maybe so but WS wanted a child desperately and OW used this to keep him. We don't have any children and were trying when she came into the picture. Right after WS said he was coming home she is all of a sudden pregnant. She's already threatened him with if you don't do as I say you'll never see your kid.
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,536
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,536 |
easy OTS.
Threats are nothing. If WS wants C w/ OC there is nothing anyone can do or say to stop him, BS or OW. Same as if he doesn't, no one can force him.
If your H gets serious about his marriage then he will have to handle things legally to have a relationship w/ OC, which is best anyway. You can't 'enforce' a verbal agreement.
But it will be up to him to decide what he wants and unfortuneately, right now it IS all about HIM. I don't believe it has anything to do w/ you or OW right now. IMHO it is just about how HE feels and going where he can 'feel' the best.
I'm not that familiar w/ your story but I am sorry that you are in this situation.
I know it totally sucks.
Hang in there.
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