Wish I had better news but a week ago I posted because we had seperated and he had wanted to come back home. I thought we were on the right track. But after he was home a few days, things started going right back to the way they were before. Very withdrawn, no intimacy, he justed wanted to lay in bed and watch tv, by Wednesday night I asked him about it. One thing led to another and we were arguing. I actually tried to just go to sleep to stop it from escalating, told him we needed to just stop for now and calm down, but he kept at me.<P>It lasted until Friday morning, just with little talking. Saturday I woke up depressed, the aftermath is taking its toll on me. He asked what was wrong, at first I did not want to say, I did not want him to feel bad, but I finally told him I was feeling depressed, he was good about it Saturday. He had signed up for overtime on Saturday night, instead of getting upset about it, I asked if he could call me when he got his break and I would meet him for coffee (I used to do this years ago too, b4 children). I waited up, no call, finally went to sleep about 12:30 very disappointed. Sunday morning I was trying to stay chipper. I asked what happened with his break, he said he was busy and could not go. Then he accuses me of going into one of his restricted sites on our computer (which I never do! these are strictly work related and I have never touched them) This is something I have told him several times before. Anyways, I blew about it, told him to go to work early, maybe he could go have coffee with someone (major love buster, that was what he did with OW before work).<P>I calmed down later, called him and asked if he wanted to have dinner or meet for coffee and we could talk. Well, we started talking, I asked why he did not just call me the night before and let me know he was too busy (he says I am trying to control his work, that he has to do everything I say, this is because I have asked him to respect our mutual time off together, he has shift work) and next thing I know he is talking about how much quicker the pain would be over if we just ended it!! (similar threats were always used before to make me back down)<P>It was final straw, he had promised to go see the counselor in order to move back in the week before, he informed me on Wednesday that he was not going and he did not like the man. He has broken every promise he has made. So I did not say anything, I just stood up, walked out of restaurant, he came out wanting to know what he was coming home to and I told him that all his things would be packed in the truck waiting for him. I did it, I packed up everything of his in that truck and now he is gone. I can not and the children cannot live under this kind of threat.<P>I talked to our daughters and told them I was sorry about what was happening but that we both love them and none of this is thier fault.<P>Then I get word last night that 2 weeks ago when he had to work in the office, he not only had to work with her, but that they both went on break together and no one could find them!<P>Well, I can't live in limbo, I want a "whole" husband not a room mate. I actually had someone suggest that he only came back to the house so he could fix it up to sell!<BR>And that is what he has been doing, working on the house (and he never did that before, I always had to do it). <P>Am I nuts!! I have a bad temper that I went to therapy for years ago, as a result I have controlled it and been a better person for it. But twice now I have been pushed to the point of throwing a paper back book and I went out and pounded on the cement floor in the garage. I don't think it is right to push anyone that far and he does not think that any of it is his fault. He told me that he does not know what I am capable of anymore, last year when our youngest was beat up at the bus stop, he told her that if she caused him any problems with his job there were going to be more problems, now I realize he was not talking to her but himself, is he saying that he does not know what he is capable of anymore.<P>Am I nuts?? Any input would be appreciated.<BR>

I don't think you are nuts! You are under tons and tons of stress, and he hasn't been completely honest with you. You don't really trust him, but not only do you not trust him while at work or at break - but also his motives for coming back home. Do you really believe he came back home only to fix the house up to get ready to sell? <P>You know your limitations - and I guess you had no other alternative. It is worse to lovebust and withdraw from the bank than to not interact whatsoever. So, creating a situation where you will not withdraw is better, I guess. I think you both have some real issues beyond the affair here to deal with. Communication.<P>Learn to use the I feel statements, so you can share how you feel without lovebusters. An alternative way to handle the conflict with husband not calling is by not asking why he didn't call, but stating how it made you feel when he didn't call - that way it doesn't sound accusatory. "Honey, when you didn't call last night, I felt like...... I need you to do/say this..... <P>But, I think your rubber band is stretched to it's limit, and you know it. So, in this case you did the best you could. <P><BR>

Oh Lila -<P>I'm so sorry that this happened and your hopes were dashed.......Grieve about it - in essence it's reliving a loss again!<P>Let out your feelings of anger, disappointment and sadness. Don't hold them in. Cleanse yourself!!!<P>Then, if you want, we can help you to come up with a plan on how you can best approach the situation as it is now.<P>We are all here for you and with you!! Close your eyes and picture a big group HUG for you!!!<P>You tried to move forward with your marriage and this approach did not work - so OK, now we try something else!!<P>Think about your situation, you know the specifics about H and when we figure out your next step we can incorporate what you feel will effect him.<P>Let me know when you have grieved through this rough spot and can put your energies into a new approach. Just keep in mind about the "fantasy" part of all this and everything else you have learned here. All is not lost!!!!<P>Take care of yourself and the kids.<P>HUGS, <P>Sheba

Lila -<P>Thinking about you....what's going on?<P>Saw the post to your H......<P>Talk to me PLEASE!!!!<P>Hugs to you,<P>Sheba

Lila -<P>Where are you? <P>I have been very worried about you - what with your situation with H and now with the Hurricane coming towards you.<P>Please answer and let me know that you are alright!!!!!<P>Hugs and you're in my prayers,<P>Sheba