HI LUV,

I READ THE OTHER UPDATE AND FIND THAT YOU ARE A STRONG WOMAN. I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD INDURE THE IN LAWS REACTION TO THE BABY. I AM GLAD THAT UI AT LEAST DO NOT AHVE TO DEAL WITH THAT PART OF IT. I THINK YOU SHOULD PROBABLY PAMPER YOURSELF AND RELAX. I ALWAYS FIND THAT IT HELPS.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

JT

<<<Wince>>> - Mormon jokes aside - Good mormons do NOT behave as LMF's husband is - not those who 150 years ago had many wives, and definitely not now, when polygamy is not a currently accepted lifestyle.

I know - I am a member of that faith.

Kayla/Andy
I hope I did not insult you. I did not mean any disrespect. I apologize.

KA Me too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Sorry
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny

Luv,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> They tout their faith and what good Catholics they are. They work at the church and give to the church but if you ask me they are so hypercritical. I don't think they understand the statment FORSAKING ALL OTHERS or WHAT GOD JOINS LET NO MAN SET ASUNDER. They do not know what it means to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. They cast stones and act like they are above all others. My H is just like my FIL, they both think they know everything and that every one else is wrong except them. I never saw it before but it has become clearer of the years, they are a dysfunctional family. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok now this is REALLY getting scary, my FIL died 6 yrs. ago, was never close to him, I have had a rough time w/ MIL from day one, & H's whole family is dysfunctional, always have been, this situation just brings it out more. They (H's 2 sisters & niece & nephews), all knew about & met OW while she was pg., NO ONE bothered to tell me of course. MIL wants H to be her husband, sick & twisted - yuk. She is the holiest of christians mind you, doesn't condone what H & OW did but she is not the one to judge- I never asked her too, but some loyalty & support for her son's M would be nice. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> Yes "mummy dearest" has made me want to puke & punch her many times. She condones everything he does, H practically walks on water as far as she is concerned.

Bottom line though In laws are the least of the problem right now, getting H on track is what is most important, & Genia brought up a good point, as hard as it is, praise him for thinking of you & staying away from OW & OC as much as possible, be positive about the good things he does do. It is so unfair that WE as BW's have to do so much & they, WH's do so little. I agree though, there is a part of me that won't give up cuz it seems that would be letting OW win, even though he would not marry her, she doesn't want him w/ me. It is so hard to keep playing this game though. You have more at stake to lose though, so don't give up.

(H's D is 20 months old now)

Thanks gals. I know no harm was intended. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I have a hard time with the concept of polygamy in our doctrine - following the model of Abraham and Jacob/Israel... but at that time in the history of our church there were a lot of widows and old/young maids around with no eligible (believing) men.

Personally, I think it was rescinded because the men who practiced it didn't stay pure in their intentions, and started marrying younger and younger women once there were eligible young men around. And partly because our church is very strict in obeying and honoring the law of the land - once the Supreme Court struck it down, the Church withdrew from the practice.

That aside, I think a man who expects his legal wife to tolerate 2nd place to a cheater/thief is low. LMF, you are more than welcome to bring your family to Utah - promise we won't "indoctrinate" you - give you a nice place to just rest and let this jerk live with the mess he's made - ALL of it. Maybe he'll wake up and remember that you are worthy, deserving of respect and that respect is REQUIRED if you are to live with his mess too.

LMF~

Hang in tough awhile longer girl! Some small steps I believe were made this past weekend. This repairing process seems to take so long but I guess it can't happen overnight even though that would suit me better and probably everyone here.

Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you.

JT2, I don't feel strong but thanks. I would love to pamper myself but I can't even find the time to do that. Between work and home, it's just one thing after another.

Genia,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sometimes my husband tells me things I do not need to hear but does not tell me what I need to know. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Right there with you on that one.

Sunny,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> OC being a boy and carring on the last name crap!!. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry, I know how hard that must have been for you to hear.

OK BG, we need to meet. I thought I was the only one with insensitive in-laws. LOL Are we living the same life here? My in-laws let my H bring OW to their house for Christmas of 2003. My kids were there too but my H thinks that they just thought she was a friend. Give me a break, kids are smarter than we adults give them credit for.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She condones everything he does, H practically walks on water as far as she is concerned. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Same here, both his parents condone what he does. It amazes me. My mother would have read me the riot act if I acted like that. She would have also said that..over my dead body will you bring OM to my house while you are still married. And my H has the nerve to say that my family is white trash.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Genia brought up a good point, as hard as it is, praise him for thinking of you & staying away from OW & OC as much as possible, be positive about the good things he does do. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do but it comes back to bite me in the butt. He then acts like he has done so darn much for me and all I do is ask for more, more, more. That I am never satisfied. Basically puts me up against the wall.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I agree though, there is a part of me that won't give up cuz it seems that would be letting OW win, even though he would not marry her, she doesn't want him w/ me. It is so hard to keep playing this game though. You have more at stake to lose though, so don't give up.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, OW gets what she wants if I leave, even if he does not get together with her. If she can't have him, she sure as heck does not want me to have him. I do have a lot too loose, some of it being my sanity. I don't know how long I can hang in here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

LMF,

She won't get what she "wants" - she'll get what you've got. Think about that. All she's getting right now is the knight in shining armor. With you out of the picture, he has no one to share the rusty crusty neglectful angry part with - one guess who gets that??

So give her what she deserves. ALL of it.

Hi Luv,

The more you say, the more I realize how bad things are for you. A big part of the problem is your in-laws. I know you cannot control what they do and you did not marry your in-laws. However, your husband can control what he does and he does not have to go to other woman's house with in-laws to bring gifts. Even though I said my MIL is supportive of me, my FIL is supportive of my husband. He sees nothing wrong with infidelity. He does not beleive a man can practice monogamy. He cheated on MIL bad. That is why she understands what I am going through because she went through it. However your husband needs to stop at some point with this going back and forth. Maybe you can remind him of what he will lose if he cannot make an agreement with you to stop going to other woman's house. I can see that he is tearing you apart emotionally. He makes you feel like to have him you need to accept his visitation with other woman. If he can get you to accept a little now, maybe you will accept more later? I don't know, you are the judge of that. You are ultimately the judge of what you can take LUV.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Luv,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> OK BG, we need to meet. I thought I was the only one with insensitive in-laws. LOL Are we living the same life here? My in-laws let my H bring OW to their house for Christmas of 2003. My kids were there too but my H thinks that they just thought she was a friend. Give me a break, kids are smarter than we adults give them credit for.

Same here, both his parents condone what he does. It amazes me. My mother would have read me the riot act if I acted like that. She would have also said that..over my dead body will you bring OM to my house while you are still married. And my H has the nerve to say that my family is white trash.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now I am terrified for real, where did these people come from????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I would NEVER in a million yrs. condone this type of behavior from my son, I wouldn't want to meet the w*&#! he had the A with, & would tell my DIL if he didn't! Would definitely read him the riot act too., I probably wouldn't see OC since OW would know how I felt about her. It is so disgusting for parents to cover up & embrace this crap. My MIL is the "holier than thou" type so I really dont get her. Well yes I do she is a major hypocrite. Did I tell you she went out & bought a SUV just like mine, same make, model, year, color & put a vanity plate on it!!! ( I have one too) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> She is so sick & twisted, she wants to be me, then she could have SF w/ her son, she is truly "in love" w/ him. I think she got off on the fact that her son was doing OW & me at the same time, I had a lenghty personal conversation w/ her before I found out about OW & baby on the way & MIL knew of course, oh I can hardly stand to think about her, sorry I am rambling.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I do but it comes back to bite me in the butt. He then acts like he has done so darn much for me and all I do is ask for more, more, more. That I am never satisfied. Basically puts me up against the wall.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know that feeling too, I try to praise my H also when he does something good or shows consideration & I often wish I hadn't afterwards cuz he makes me feel so bad about something else.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Yes, OW gets what she wants if I leave, even if he does not get together with her. If she can't have him, she sure as heck does not want me to have him. I do have a lot too loose, some of it being my sanity. I don't know how long I can hang in here.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know what you mean about trying to save your M & hope not to lose your sanity in the process, this shouldn't be this hard. It seems as if we are doing it all by ourselves though. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Has H seen OC lately?

BG
I have no idea what planet they live on. It stumps me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Did I tell you she went out & bought a SUV just like mine, same make, model, year, color & put a vanity plate on it!!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My MIL gets into these materialistic competitions with me too. My H got me pearls for my B-day 30th B-day (my birth stone). My MIL made a comment, can't remember what it was and my FIL replied, I will get you some too.

Did you MIL ever comment that "All I wanted is a wife who would love you, cook for you, clean your house and do your laundry."? Mine did, after the A came out. Like I was the one who cheated and that I did not love her son enough. Give me a break. I always did cook a full dinner and did the laundry and cleaned. However, during the A he never wanted me to do his laundry and meals were simple as he was never home. She and my H too, don't think I clean well enough. Everyone that comes to our house says it's neat and clean but my H is never satisfied.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It seems as if we are doing it all by ourselves though. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes it does.

H went to see the baby last night. He asked if I preferred that he go early before our kids went to bed or afterwards. He said, he figured that if he went early we would still have the evening together. That was nice and I said to leave early, which was not that early. He still did not get home till 10 pm and I fell asleep watching TV. Really did not care to try and stay up. I was not in a good mood.

Did I mention that my SIL has decided that this is too much and she does not want to be involved? It hurt but I can't blame her.

My head hurts so bad right now. I know it's stress. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Luv,

My MIL never commented on my wifely duties other than to tell me to "cut my losses & move on" when I went to her thinking I'd get support after finding out about the A. She is jealous of me I know it, I even told OW that if H was ever with her for real, she too would have problems w/ "mummy dearest".

Did you talk to H at all after his visit? Or about what happens next with this visitation schedule??? I don't like the way this is shaping up for you Luv, it seems like H wants to get comfortable with this set up, & I am sure OW is not complaining much either. Your H seems to be too much like mine, & I made the mistake of letting him visit w/ OW to see the baby after OW started her s*&t & it is still going on as far as I know. I hope this is not the plan in store for you, but I doubt OW wants OC in your home around you so this will be right up her alley. I was told also that when my H is visiting his D that OW is busy doing something else in another part of the apt. Do I believe that - NO.

Just be careful with all this, are you on any AD's, stress can kill you, take care of yourself.

BG,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Did you talk to H at all after his visit? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Spoke to H this morning about the visit last night. Just asked how it went. He said that the baby was up and he got to play with her a bit.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I don't like the way this is shaping up for you Luv, it seems like H wants to get comfortable with this set up, & I am sure OW is not complaining much either. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know, which is why I am trying to decide if I should leave or not. H told me that he will see her and he won't change that, even for me or our M. He said that if I decide to leave he understands that it's a difficult situation and does not blame me. How's that for fighting for your M? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

He said that when the baby gets older she can come to our home. He said that he still needs to talk to OW about future visitation but because I only allow him to be there for 2 hours he has not had the time to mention it. See how I have to pay for asking for things I want/need. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Hi Luv,

I am so sorry. My husband has said similar things to me in that he thinks his children should come before marriage. I understand the feeling of being second place. We do not deserve this. I know that in two hours he could have mentioned visitation with you. She is manipulating your husband. When you give her an inch she takes a mile. I think you are fighting a losing battle. Plan B may be your only option. Luv I feel so bad for you. He will miss you if you were gone. He really wants you I think but he is a pawn in this evil woman's hands and she is using her baby as bait. I feel so sad for you.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[Hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

LUV ((((((HUGS)))))))))))) Honey, he is a pc of work and you really must love him so much. I hate to see him do this to your family!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I can't beleive he would tell you to go on? So if I where you I would go ahead w/ my plans to move out. Go ahead and get something filed w/ child support NOW!!! Please don't play w/ this issue. I think he has a need to see what it could be like w/OW. SO you need to let him lay in that bed of thorns! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I think he will see what he's gotten himself into. I know its hard but you deserve to get treated better than this. Just think if he doesn't come back then your life will be better with someone else who will love and be faithful to you! We don't know what God has or who he has instore for us down the road! We just have to follow the one that is in front of us. Pray about it and do what your heart tells you but the only person that can change him stepping on your heart is YOU!!! People do to us what we let them do to us. We are here for you, but you need to get yourself and your kids together and move on!!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny

Oh one more thing. As far as the OW WINNING? Look at what she will get? If you H acted like the man he should and god wants him too, you would get a better man for it. But since he's not willing to be that person look what she is getting. I lier, a cheat, w/ no recourse for the consequences, and a theif. He stole your trust, your heart, and your ability to trust the ones you should be able to. So let her have the worst have of the man. Because a relationship built on a lie to me is not worth having!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> And again who is winning? You get piece of mind. Not having to live w/ a person you hold no reguards for your feeling.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny

Hi Luv,

Somehow I missed reading the part where he visited before your kids went to bed. This is unacceptable. He is taking from your kids as well as you. This is all unacceptable. I have kicked my husband out for less. I will not let a man disrespect me. He is disrespecting you LUV. You need to stand up to him. If my husband pulls that crap on me all the love in the world will not save him. If he can find time to visit without takeing away from you that is even bad. But for him to visit other woman at a sacrifice to you is just unacceptable. I pray you find the srength you need. Get your ducks in an order. Then make your demands clear. If he doesn't comply, give him the boot.
((((((((((((((((Hug)))))))))))))))))

Luv,

Was thinking of you last nite, as I said my tearful prayer for God to release me from this mess, I totally agree w/ every word Sunny wrote in her post. Please know that we are not telling you what to do, but concerned for your welfare & that of your children.

We are in the same boat, only difference is your H is showing total disregard for his own kids born of his M as well, that is just so wrong.
I pray your strength, cuz it sounds like you have a serious decision to make & soon.

I got some AD's yesterday, gonna start taking them on Sunday, to let a man ANY man put me in this situaion is ridiculous, HE is the one who tore my life apart, but who is suffering emotionally, spiritually, & financially - ME, but I am the only one who can stop it, & so are you.

God will show you what you have to do, but he won't come down & do it for you, pray over it & act accordingly.

LUV,

BBYG gave some good advice to you, but I tell you your H is totally disrespecting you and your familyas a whole. The inlaw thing you can expect because they pretty much do what they want to do. But H does not have to go along wiht it. They are all going along like they are one big happy family disregarding you and your kids. You guys are put on the back burner. Does that sound right to you!!!

It is not!!!! It might be time to let it go! Pray about it and come to your own resolutions, but remember you have set the tone of how he treats you and he'll only do what you allow to be done!!

Please don't live you life in misery. Hoping things will go okay does not make them do so!! H has not worked hard to get you guys back on track and has not set any boundaries for OW as far as with the baby and his M. Now is the time to consider YOURSELF for NO ONE else is doing that. Your kids need you to decide what's best for them!! They can't go on in limbo it confuses their growing minds and can cause psychological scaring.


Think About it - Pray about it - Then DO IT!!
Anything that you do at this point is going to hurt, but it must be done!!

JT