Genia's update site

Hi,

Thank you so much for thinking of me. I felt so left out. I feel for you all and love you all. I wish by magic I could take away all our pain but I can't. I feel a little better that I got cell phone bill on line and I am lucky I have it in my name since he does not work and I control the finances at least. I do not know who all knows my background but according to cell phone bill, WS called OW 30 times last month. There is at least some consulation that she is three hours away. When confronted he immediately told me he called her because she relapsed. I am not 100% sure that that is the only reason he calls her. I have been toying with the idea of getting a voice activated recorder to make sure his romantic interest in her is indeed over. He says he is not in love with her but when we had an argument about three weeks ago he said he could fall in love with her. I still feel stressed and somewhat sad. He seems happy but my feelings are up and down. I do not know what to feel. I fear the day that she has the baby. He still has not told me the due date. I think she is six or seven months pregnant.

Is OW on drugs?
What kind of relapse did she have?
Why won't he tell you the due date? I bet he doesn't want to talk about it much, like it will go away, that seems to be the norm.

If you believe in the power of prayer, pray a lot Genia, pray for your M, your H, yourself, even OW & OC, that is a hard one I know. God will see you thru this. I do understand the need to know what is going on, I am unfortunately still in the dark about things that go on w/ my step daughter & H's relationship w/ OW so I do a lot of detective work too, which drives H crazy but he is not be honest & putting everything out in the open so I have a right to know what is going on so I snoop.

Best wishes to you girl, you are in good company here & will find much support. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I do not know what drugs other woman is on. He told me she got out of prison after being in for a year. He said he was tempted because she had not had sex in a year so he figured it would be good. He said he just had to hit her. Especially since I cheated when he was in prison. I hated I did that and felt guilty as soon as I allowed it to happen. It started out as an emotional affair and I fought the physical part but that man was persistent. I ended contact before husband came home from prison. He hit me when I confessed but I felt I deserved it. That is the only time he has ever hit me. Wayward Husband was in prison for 6 months. Him and other woman got out at same time and met at Drug Anonomous meeting. Anyhow the affair lasted about 3 months before I found out. Discovery date new years eve. My ex husband told me.

That is some story, I hope he never ever hits you again & you didn't deserve that, you made a mistake, we all do from time to time, we are human. There is never justification for physical abuse.

I did slap my H a total of 4 times since I found out about his A & baby on the way, it was not right but I felt justified in doing it & I have not apologized for it, & I know I need to, he has never raised his hand to me, my 1st H was abusive & I would not stand for that ever again.

Will your H even discuss w/ you what is gonna happen once the baby is born? What do you want to do as far as contact w/ OC?

We have discussed it. He plans to possibly be at birth. He told me how his former wife got pregnant by another man while with him. He had two children by his exwife. He said the birth father was with his wife during delivery and he was not and that is the way he wanted it. I think it was different in his situation because I think they were both haveing affairs at the same time as well as being physical with each other. I intend to address the difference in situation to him at some point in the near future. He says he plans on bringing the baby to our home for visitation. I do not know what will happen if other woman objects. Visits in other womans home is where I draw the line.

<small>[ June 04, 2004, 09:59 AM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Do you two have children together, I can't remember? Do you see H's two kids?

Why does he need to be there at the birth? Won't that bother you?

If nothing else definitely draw the line at V at OW's home if contact is chosen w/ OC, there is no reason for that, & as I told Luv you don't want to let that crap get started, it just keeps the nitemare alive & the A.

Hi Babygirl,

I read your other posts. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I keep asking why can't everything be normal. Sometimes it feels normal now that she is three hours away but I fear the future. No we don't have kids together. Thank God! My kids are from a former marriage. I too did stupid stuff when I was young but I never got pregnant out of wedlock. That is what birth control is for. I think these women are so sick they think by getting pregnant they can hold on to the man. I guess some succeed but it seems from statistics that it does not last since their relationship is built on deceit. I hope things get better for you. Why can't our husbands just be honest so we wouldn't have to snoop.

Thanks Genia,

I hope things get better too, not holding out much hope at this point though, I have been riding this rollercoaster too long & I have to get off, w/ or w/o H.

I am gonna be alright though however it turns out, of that I am sure. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hi Babygirl,

I plan to make my decision at least by the end of this year if not sooner. WH's actions will determine my decision. If only I didn't love him so darn much.

Update - Last night husband started conversation. I need to tell you something you might not like. I got scared. Maybe he was going go live with other woman or something like that. He almost put it off but I prodded by asking if he needed to go visit other woman to see if the baby inside her was OK and to talk her into not doing drugs. He then saw that I was calm so he decided to talk. He told me other woman ran away from her parent and they do not know where she is. He told me they asked could he come there and look for their daughter. He said I could come to if I wanted. The other woman's parents do not want the baby because it is mixed. Other woman had asked my husband if he could keep the baby if she couldn't. That is something I wish he had told me earlier. I would have felt better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> He said he would look for her on the street where the drug dealers hang out. He also mentioned going to the police to see if they could help find her and he mentioned her by her full name(new information). He said it was not about other woman but about the baby. His sponsor went through the same thing with other woman and told him there is a place where pregnant women can stay till the baby is born. My husband said his concern is the baby and taking other woman where baby would be safe till born. He said it would weigh on his conscience if he did not do something to try and save the baby. He said even if she could be locked up in jail that it would be better than her being on the street. He said he would only stay a day and if he could not find her, he will rest easy that he did what he could. I beleive him. He seemed shocked that I told him to go and try and save his baby. He gave me a big hug. He said he thought I would go off. He said if I could not go he would take his sponsor with him. I cannot go because I have to give a two week notice at my job to take time off. Besides I think I would be uncomfortable and other woman is more likely to resist if I were there. Her parents wanted him to come right away. He told them he can't because he is in school. He has to wait till this weekend. They fear for their daughter's life. He says he really regrets what he did (getting this woman pregnant) and that he should have listened to one of his friend's who gave him advise. Anyhow that is the closest he has come to an apology since this nightmare has happened. I feel so good that he was honest with me and that he even offered for me to come with him. I really think it would be nice to raise this baby. But even so there may be conflict with other woman becoming involved to see her baby. Anyhow things are looking up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Good! I'm glad he's starting to be honest w/ you. Sorry that you are having to go though so much. Where is the baby? Has she had it?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> sunny

She is pregnant. That is why husband is worried about baby. She is a crack addict. She recently relapsed. Now she has run away. Her parents have not heard from her and do not know where she is.

That must be so hard. I hope they find her and get the help she needs for the baby. can't you be charged if you have a baby that is addicted to crack/drugs? I thought you could for some reason. They need to be! Why get preg if your going to do drugs? I just can't for the life of me figure that one out. Keep you in my prayers. Is H back yet? Have you heard anything?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny

He plans to go this coming weekend. I am working. So it won't be too bad. I will be surprised if he can find her but who knows. I do think it would be nice though if she has the baby and we could raise it. Unless she interfers too much. I do not understand why people like her get pregnant. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Genia,

I am sorry that OW is putting OC's life in jeopardy but it is good news that H felt comfortable enough to let you know what is going on & include you in looking for her, that says al lot about his feelings for you & maybe that he is starting to see the light.

I admire & respect you for being a strong & compassionate woman, not many would even consider raising a child that did not belong to her.

Hi Babygirl,

Thanks for your kind remarks. I talked to my MIL. She says it is a crime now to have a baby while on drugs. That they would put other woman in jail if this is true. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> However she placed some doubt in my mind if the story is true. She said why wouldn't other woman's parents just call the police. I said maybe they do not want to be involved because baby is biracial. They do not want to raise baby because it is biracial. Anyhow I told her I chose to beleive story unless it proves to be untrue. It will all come out in the end. I just think if I start questioning the story that he seemed so nervous about telling me, I will go crazy. I am so lucky. MIL is very supportive of me.
Luv,
My MIL said she would never visit other woman in their home as is happening with you LUV. I feel so bad for you. It is like a slap in your face for them to visit in other woman's home. I wish your husband could understand that. Things would be a lot better for you if husbands parents would not support him in doing you wrong.

Genia,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I have done one thing though. I am leaving if I am not happy by the end of this year. That is my limit. I do not plan on being tortured like this the rest of my life. I love him but not enough to let him destroy me emotionally. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know what you mean about a deadline, I feel that I have to give myself one also, if not this would go on & on if I don't stop it. My proposed deadline is end of August, I have not told anyone, just posted it here, but like my C said this is the year we or just me makes a choice, this can't go on.

Do you have any kids w/ your H?

No my kids are by an ex-husband. But sometimes arguments come up in their presence. This should never happen. I had to explain to them that WH had another girlfriend. That I am unhappy. That he quit seeing the other girlfriend. They heard everything. I even had to tell them that he made a baby by another woman. They are only 9 and 10 years old. I do not know what effect this has on them and I hate it. But for them to hear bits and peices in an argument would only confuse him. I usually would start out with a discussion and an argument would develop. I have decided since he confided in me this time concerning other woman running away from home, I will not talk about her no more. Every time I mention her an argument develops. I understand it is because he feels so guilty he cannot handle it. I feel better emotionally since she ran away.

Genia,

I know that has to be hard on kids to be forced to deal w/ this situation. In my situation I was fortunate that my son was 19 at the time, it still has taken a toll on him to see me go thru this w/ a man he thought really loved his mother. My son has no respect for his own dad, (he's a dead beat dad), & now has none for his step father. Not to mention the poor example H has set for my son. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I left him a short note expressing my anger and my needs. I wonder how he will respond to it? I am gonna call him and see how he took it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have you talked to H yet?