Hi Babygirl,

He finally returned my call. He seemed amused by my note. I asked, "Well are you gonna try and do something about it." he said, "Yes". Surprised me, I expected the usual response. "Oh, it's all about you." I think it is helping by going on this site I am learning to not love bust so much. I talked to his step-mom before I talked to him. She is a good listener. She said he did not get the lack of affection from his father. I think his stems from using drugs for about 20 years. One of the side effects of that particular drug is to push people away who love you. I just hope he follows through with his intention to show me some affection.
I have an 18 year old who does not live with me. She likes WS. But then she does not live with him. She tells me I need to lighten up and be more fun. Maybe she is right about that.

<small>[ June 09, 2004, 11:23 AM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Genia,

I think you got a good response from your H on the letter. That was a good start. Fortunately for you H is still in the H. Hopefully he will reciprcate the love that you show him on a regular basis.

H needs to know that rebuilding is going to hard work on both parts and you must face it together.

I have no other real good advice except thank you for your input and keep posting.

JT

Hi JT2,

Thank you for response. I am so sorry for your difficult situation. I hope it works out for you either way. I can understand your anger. I would be angry if I were in your shoes. He is not with you, yet he is in and out. Everytime you look at him it will remind you of the pain he caused you. I think I would either invite him back and make an effort to work on marriage, or break ties with exception of visitation with his kids.

Genia,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I think it is helping by going on this site I am learning to not love bust so much. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am so happy for you that H was upbeat & in a good mood about the note. It does help a lot to not LB, sometimes it just cannot be helped but that is a good sign that he was not ticked off or indifferent.

It is so great to hear good news! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Husband is coming out of fog. Other woman called home tonight. Husband talked openly to her in front of me. She was getting high and would not tell him where she is at. He is gonna go look for her and try and talk her into getting committed for the baby's sake.

That sounds really positive, that is good news that he didn't feel the need to hide while talking to OW.

I pray she has not harmed OC. Keep us posted.

Hi Babygirl,

Thank you for caring. I think I am really lucky that other woman is giving up like this by getting high on crack. I hope she will give us the baby. I also hope drugs don't hurt this baby. I do think it will be a big responsibility to raise a baby. Husband's stepmom wonders like me if it is really his baby. However, he seems to want this baby so bad. So if we get the baby I will raise it as my own. If we don't take the baby it would go up for adoption since her parents don't want the baby. I feel so bad for you about what your other woman is putting you through. I will let you know Monday if he found her, and if she gets committed.

Genia,

I am sorry for what you are going through genia. It sounds like she is not ready to have a baby or accept any responsibility at all for that matter. I hope your H realizes that he should still get a DNA test done to be sure that this is his responsibility. I think her doing the drugs shows your H that he made the right shoice in staying in his M to you. Her carelessness could only ead to a life of pain unless she got help.

I know that this is extra stress on you, but I hope that you find her and that everthing works for the best. Keep praying girl, and so will I - I'll have a martini for you this weekend too!

JT

Hi JT2,

Thanks. I wish I was haveing the martini with you. I am trying very hard to trust WH but it is very hard knowing he is three hours away in a hotel room. If he finds her, I hope he is smart enough to not let her have sex with him. Maybe she won't want him. She is probably selling herself for crack. I thought it would be easier since he offered to let me come with him. I think he knew I couldn't because of my job. I hope you are having fun. I think I will try and set up a voice activated micro-phone. I do not think anything is going on but you know how you have these tiny doubts in the back of your head. I just want to know for sure I can trust him now and that I am not being taken for a ride.

Hi All,

My husband almost broke up over the weekend because I called OW's Mom looking for answers. She told husband I called. He was angry. After coming home he told me his Mom said I should behave. I said what do you mean? You are the one not behaveing. I then told him I thought it was a possibilty he cheated when he was in the hotel three hours away in the town where other woman lives. He then said he was leaving. He packed his bags. I went to work. When I came home he was still there and said he changed his mind. He said that night he decided that he loved me and could not leave me. The next day I seen a change in him in meeting my affection needs. I hope he keeps it up. Maybe the thoughts of leaving and realizing what life would be like without me woke him up. His father supported me. I was amazed. I know it is only because I got stuff and WH has nothing. His father came over to cut my grass to show his support. My WH told father he was cutting the grass for me and not for him. Father supported me by telling us we were both acting like babies. Anyhow for whatever reason he is treating me different now.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The next day I seen a change in him in meeting my affection needs. I hope he keeps it up. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hope so too Genia, that sounds like a good start. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi,

I would like to update my situation. I had a whole week with no love busting. Then Bam. This weekend. Husband asked me to rub his tummy. I say I do not feel like it, besides you never touch me except for sex. He says that is OK you don't have to rub my belly and I don't have to touch you ever. I get angry, get dressed, go sit in my car in the yard and play the radio in the middle of the night. I call him on the cell phone and tell him to pack his bags and get out of my house. He says OK. I go in the house. He says he is not leaving, that I would be calling him in a couple of days anyway. He says no need for me to break up because he does not plan to leave my house. That he could move to another room and date other women. I told him that that would not work for me. He then says I should not break up with him then. I am not sure if he was joking or serious. However, he has been sweet on me since then. One positive note he has agreed to one counseling session to prove me wrong. I hope the counselor is good enough to get him back a second time.

I hope it looks up for you. I hate the whole rejection thing as you talked about before--my H is around and shows he cares by his actions but I would like to here it.

Hang in there!

Hi Albany,

It was Luv who gave me the advise. Pull away and they pull closer. Cling and they pull away. By going to the car I was pulling away. Then he pulled closer by telling me he did not plan on leaving. This just feels too much like a game to me and it gets tiresome. I hope we get some relief soon.
PS: He finally told me the baby is due Sept. 15th.
That seems like forever to me.

<small>[ June 21, 2004, 11:51 AM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

I'm a "clinger" person. I LOVE, ADORE, LIVE for snuggling and stuff. Lemme tell you, when I cut it out, that's when he got the picture and came to me. OMG, it was so hard tho! I mean, it was HABIT for me to go sit by him and lay my head on his shoulder.

Know what helped? Library books. LMAO. I think I've just about read every book in our small town's library now....oy vey!

Hugs chica! I gotta hug someone, and all of us here need it, I think!

- Kimmy

Hi Kimmie,

Me too. Being not clingy is hard. But he gives me the message loud and clear. He said he's gotta do stuff on his own time. He will not admit to being in withdrawal from OW but there was a time after the affair(of course to this day I am not sure that the affair was over then) before I knew about MB that he did not wanna hug me and I had to seduce him for SF. I worked all the time and when I did have time for him he did not want to be around me. Things are getting better but he still says things that hurt, like the part about dating other women. I do not know how he can even think like that.

Wanna hear a secret Genia? I figured this out a few weeks ago....shhh! Don't tell, but I think they say things that are hurtful so that we will hate them as much as they hate themselves. Sure, they wanna be all macho, tough, nothing hurts me, but you know it hurts them so much sometimes - these decisions they've made...

My dh once told me that he didn't love me anymore and he no longer found me attractive. Holy Pete! He knew that was like, THE WORST THING he could say to me. Later, he told me he wanted me to hate him because he thought the kids and I'd be better off without him. WTF kind of warped thinking is that??? Sometimes, they get too much in their own heads for their own good. Boy howdy, I cried on his chest for DAYS over those things - he'll NEVER say anything like that to me again. He'd better fight fair, or I'm going to take off my shoe and beat him with it!

They should really leave the heavy thinking to us - we're better suited for it anyway, and we won't screw it up! LMAO!

- Kimmy

Hi Kimmie,

I think you are on to something. Sometimes he says ugly things to me. Then other times depending on his mood he has said I could do better than him. I will usually reply, maybe, but I love you. Probably not good plan A. I cannot help myself with the I love you's. At first he did not like saying I love you but he is starting to say I love you more to me now.

He probably doesn't want to say it because he's afraid you won't believe him....I mean really...for a long while my dh saying it to me rang really hollow in my ears simply because of all the lies he'd told to me. Maybe he hears that "hollowness" in his own voice because he feels inadequate (sp?) - I mean really, I wouldn't doubt for a minute that all of them go through a period of feeling not being good enough for us because of all the hurt they've caused....

Just a conjecture.

- Kimmy

Hi Nio,

I love the way you put things. You are such a good writer. I do not know what his game is now. He has started joking about cheating. He was laughing when he was joking. Last night he came home two hours late. He hung out with his Dad playing cards. His Dad started the jokes about girl hunting. He came home continuing to joke about it. I told him that I do not find the jokes funny. I said if he ever did that to me again that I would kick him out. He then told me I can't kick him out. I told him if he did anything like that to me again to just watch me. Do you think I was wrong. Should I have just gone along with his jokes. I thought of saying, Yeah, you and your Dad go girl hunting, and I'll take your Mom to a strip club. But I didn't joke back because this is a sore subject and I think he knows it. Maybe I overreacted. I value your opinion Kimmie.

<small>[ June 22, 2004, 10:33 AM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>