Hi. I'm new here, but so not new to this subject. DH told me Jan. 2003 that he had a month old baby girl AFTER we'd moved to a whole nother city (2.5 hours away). I decided to stay with him, and lo and behold OW ends up pg AGAIN! My dh is supporting his dd that's how it happened...so last Nov. had another D -Day when he told me about impending baby #2. And I still stayed with him. Baby was born in April. Dh fessed up earlier this week that he's begun sleeping with OW again. Says he can't choose between us. So I called her yesterday and said that he's told me about her again, and I'm not leaving (still) and he says he's not leaving me. Boy howdy, was she ever mad! I told her that I realize that while their A began as a "scratching an itch" kind of thing, he loves her, but she's got to know that he loves me, too - if he didn't he would've left. Well she ended up calling last night to tell him that it's over between them. I'm rather doubting it, but still - we'll see. I know - what a f-ing mess this is...BUT, I let her know that if she does continue to see him, I've no doubt that keep coming around her as long as she'll let him and then ALWAYS come home to me. We'll also see about that.

DH was bawling last night. Have a feeling that the "withdrawl stage" of his affair is starting. We'll also see how he copes with this one. Anyway, I'm glad there are others that stayed with their dh's - but isn't this the toughest thing you've ever had to live through. It's eating me up!!!!!!!!

I am so sorry to have to welcome you here. But, you have come to the right place. You'll find a lot of advice, support and comfort here.

The first thing you need to do is begin by reading everything you can on this site, starting with General Welcome for All New Builders Lots of VERY useful information and links there to help you understand this site and the advice you will receive on the forums. Learn the Harley very effective principles and methods for marital and personal recovery. If your H is sincere and determined to make this marriage work, then he should begin reading all the material available to rebuild the marriage. Whether or not your H embraces this program of recovery, it is important for you to do so just for your own personal recovery.

Did you and your H ever go through counseling? Some strongly suggest you both get into marital counseling with a pro-marriage counselor, preferably someone familiar with the Harley Principles (because these policies really work). Phone counseling is available on this site with the Harleys.

It is heartbreaking to know that so many women and men share this problem, but at the same time, it gives you hope that recovery is possible.

There are wonderful and caring people on this site. Keep posting and draw from the wisdom and strength of those who have been through this and survived it, and those that are travelling that same road with you. Just know you are not alone and that recovery is possible.

Thanks Nerly!

You know, I looked and looked around the Nov. timeframe for people who were in the same situation. All I found was sites for support - but NONE addressed the issue of the children. I am SO relieved that I'm not the only one in the world that kept dh......I get a lot of odd looks, lemme tell you. Sometimes it's just easier to keep it all bottled up instead of telling anyone - just to save myself from the pain of the look of astonishment in their eyes.

I've begun reading the books, and dh was astonished to learn his situation with OW was NOT only not unique, but so very, very common. He was also astonished when I pointed out his behaviors came straight out of the books - so much so that I told him he could've been one of the case studies.

BTW: OTS: I found a great book at the library this past weekend called Raising Confident Girls. I hope I can find one for boys.

I DON'T want either of the girls (mine or the OW's) to ever repeat these mistakes!

The baby and his sister are coming for a visit this week. I've seen a picture of him, he looks EXACTLY like my baby boy did when he was an infant. (((sigh)))

Children are blessings
Children are blessings
Children are blessings

Right?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> BTW: OTS: I found a great book at the library this past weekend called Raising Confident Girls. I hope I can find one for boys.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">H picked up "Bringing up Boys" by James Dobson. Excellent! I highly recommend it. I plan to buy it for a shower gift for anyone I know who's having their first boy.

Thank you Autumn.

One of my girlfriends had told me about that one! That's two thumbs up from people - I'm guessing I'll have to check it out!

Hi,

I answered your other thread before I read this one. so you might want to take a look at it, but this one does answer a lot of my questions. You are a brave woman, I don't know if I could stay with him.

Keep Praying the Lord's got your back!!

JT

<small>[ June 09, 2004, 01:18 PM: Message edited by: JT2 ]</small>

Little update. Dh told OW yesterday that it's final - he won't be leaving me at all and she needs to get on with her life.

We shall see.

If God brings you to it, God will bring you through it.