If that's okay.

We have the kids for a visit this week. Mija showed up in DIRTY jeans and a top that is really a little cover to a spring dress. It only has two buttons that constantly came apart. Weird, I tell you. Plus, she has the most gorgeous eyes - except her mum won't put her hair up, so you can never see them - it was so funny last night, she was trying to get my attention and said, "Mommy!" then lifted her hair out of her eyes so she could make sure I was looking at her. Got off my butt and found a barrette right then, poor girl. Poor baby has a terminal case of bed head (it's genetic - my dd had the same exact hair) except when she comes to stay with us (I love doing little girl's hair). I just wish her mom would - well, you know, at least dress her nice (or at least clean) when she comes over. I know I would make sure my kids were presentable...oy!

Mijo is ADORABLE! This is my first meeting of the little guy. He's got cradle cap, but you know, that's so common - and nothing that a little bath with a soft brush wouldn't take care of. He doesn't have as much hair as my boy, but does he ever have the same expressions! He's a lot noisier than my darling, but I'm wondering if it's not due to gas. OW complains all the time that all he does is cry - and I didn't see it, really. He fusses when he's wet or hungry. But then, I made dh go get some mylicon drops because his little tum was rock hard! If that's it, why hasn't OW (affectionately known by me as "da kooze" - aren't I generous?) gotten some for her house?

And Holy Moly! I forgot how many times little guys wake in the night. But you know, even the nighttime feedings, he's just the sweetest thing. I love kissing his little pointed head.

Lastly, OW calls me ALL THE TIME with questions about the babies. D'ya want to know how many times I just want to scream at her, "I'VE ONLY HAD 3 OF MY OWN, YOU'VE HAD 6 - YOU DO THE FRIGGIN MATH!!!!!!!!!!!!" But I don't. I figure if their mother is such a freak, at least their step-mom can be a stablility in their little lives.

M - 9 years
DS - 14 years
DD - 8 years
DS - 4 years
OC - 1 year (girl)
OC - 1 month (boy)

Niosgirl,

You are truly a strong woman,because I do not think I would be able to handle the fact that my H had two OC, and even with the same OW. IF you don't mind me asking did you know about the first one before he had the second or at least before she got PG? Were you working on your Marriage when he got her PG again?

But about the topic I know that I always have my kids neat and clean. I expect others to do the same. kids don't need to be dirty they are already prown to get bacteria from everything - so we should do what we can to prevent them from getting sick - and hey a Bath and clean clothes is a small price to pay!!

Newborns are tough - They never sleep on the shcedule you want them too. You guys sound like you get along pretty good and I must admit I am surprised to hear your story. I don't want contact with OW/ OC would be too hard and not good for my kids. But you have done well - I hope H keeps up with his devotion to you and your family - Best Wishes!

JT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> IF you don't mind me asking did you know about the first one before he had the second or at least before she got PG? Were you working on your Marriage when he got her PG again?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah. (((sigh))) We had our first d-day after we moved 2.5 hours away from our home (Jan. of last year). Dh had secured a job down here, I think to try to run away from it all. He's just not the kind of person to not be in contact with his kids, tho. So he fessed up. Okay. I tried to deal with it by myself - I must say I did a pretty poor job of it, but I was trying. Unfortunately, with him traveling back to where we used to live to pick up mija proved to be too much of a temptation. He'd admit today that he never let himself get to the withdrawl stage - the horse's [censored] (did I type that out loud?). Plus, like I said previously, OW is uber needy. He's since come to the realization that he knows that I was too good for him, and she, in reality, is not as good as him. So it made him feel good to be there with her and help her (among other things). All the while EVERYONE was telling him that her getting pg with mija was to trap him and lo and behold, she winds up pg again. So. I kinda think he's gotten the picture. I also think he's learning that he's a better person without her than with her. We'll see. Like I said, it's so hard sometimes. I try to look at the children as the only good things that have come out of a terribly painful and horrible situation. And they really, really are good things.

I've since gotten help for myself and he's dipped his toes in the counciling waters. I can look back now and see that I was riding him pretty hard. Not that he didn't deserve it, mind you, it's just that if you ever expect to move forward, you HAVE to stop looking back all the time. I was depressed and so very OCD in my thinking. It literally ate me up.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I hope H keeps up with his devotion to you and your family - Best Wishes!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you. I do too. I pray for him every, every day. I'll tell you, he'll tell you, that never in a million years did we think this would ever happen to us. Life happens and sometimes the life that happens to us hurts like the devil. BUT: If I didn't know him, I mean really know why he did what he did, I wouldn't have stayed. Understanding his thought processes helped so much.

- Kimmy

Hi Nio,

I am so glad you understand your husband to know why he did what he did. My husband had to go to prison for something he did before we got together. I got lonely and talked to a male friend. I did what I should not have done. I felt very bad. My husband came home. I confessed. He was angry. 3 months later I found out he was having an affair for those three months. I told other woman that he did her to get me back. I do not think she liked that comment. She called my house one night crying because my husband stood her up?? She proceeded to tell husband with me on other line because I answered how she thought he loved her, and how she guessed she was just a peice of [censored]. Hello!!!!! It takes them a long time to wake up. That is why I stayed. I know he loves me and she is nothing to him but a temptation.

Don't get me wrong here - in the beginning of dh's A, it was just a fling. They started out as friends - I know that....they both worked nights and I worked days....it was....convenient.

I know also, that he loves her, too. Not like he loves me - cause really now, if he loved her like that he'd be there and not with me. I know that it takes awhile to get over heartbreak - quite awhile in some instances. But I'm here for him. If he can't take it, he knows where the door is. I'm not leaving him, tho and he knows it.

So OW for my dh ended up being more than just a kooze, at least to my him. Slowly but surely, she's showing her true colors....Thank goodness!

You know through all of this, I've learned my capacity for love and forgivness is so much greater than I would've ever thought. Boy was she ever surprised when I thanked her for opening my eyes to that!

(BTW: Did I ever mention that niceties and kindness is the way I get under HER skin? - I know, it's wicked of me, but I swear I'm not ever going to lower myself to her base level!)

All I can say is - you are one remarkable woman.

God bless you.

Nio, I just wanted to comment to you how great it is that you've been able to overcome and accept it all. I hope that your husband's see the forgivness you've got and shown and the acceptance of everything and you get stronger than ever. I can tell you I know how it is with a newborn. They are very needy right now and your life is not your own at all. But they are all god's gift no matter who they belong to or how they get here. My baby has baby acne and bit of craddle crap not bad though and luckily a little rub of my fingers takes it off. My 5 year old had it bad and I was forever washing her head to get it to go away. On a side note....you said the ow is needy. Seeing she is talking to you and all, maybe it's her way of making you feel involved? I don't know just wanted to throw that out to you. I know I will ask my mom questions just to make her feel more involved even though I already know what to do and have done it and it works. Again don't know her. You have shown great strenght though with what you've gone through.