Like I posted before, the newbie is back!

I had THE MOST AWESOME time. We didn't go anywhere, but my sil came into town with her 2 of her 3, and we bummed around, went to the beach and the local pool. I have the kickin-est tan, to show for it! Even my chi-chis are tan. Like you BabyGirl, I lost a whole gob of weight when I found out (I remember you saying that in a post), and I wore a 'kini to the beach. I must say, my poor tummy skin hasn't seen the sunlight since I was...hmmmm...maybe in 2nd grade - lmao, so it's taking longer to tan than the rest of me. Oh well, that's what tan in a bottle's for, right?

The magic part - okay, I am SO jazzed about this! When we went to the local pool, there were the usual teeny boys throwing the usual show-off-for-the-usual-teeny-girls dives. See, tho? I used to competitive dive in high school - yep a scant (almost) 20 years ago. I'm watching those young'uns and their formless attempts and am thinking to myself, ****! I can do that! So I do! I NAILED a back flip in the full position, NAILED an inward (cutaway) in pike position, and NAILED a reverse in full position (1/2 gainer)! Dh had to scrape his jaw up off the bottom of the pool (LOL) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> . OMGoodness chicas! D'ya know how great that felt? Think of something that you used to do for YOURSELF, something that gave you joy, something that didn't involve waiting on kids or husbands or anyone else....I know we've all got SOMETHING that we used to do...DO IT! It was the most amazing, cathardic, joyous thing! And it was MINE - it wasn't for my dh, or my kids or my mom or dad - it was all MINE!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't fall asleep that night, I was so happy!

Anyway! I digress from the bacation. My youngest neice lost her first tooth at our house, and we had Mary McNairy the Tooth Fairy (Harry McNairy's wife, of course) come for a visit. It was too cute for color TV - she was so excited!

Dh has been so loving and kind for about the last month or so...it reminds me of before the A (and the reason I even ever would consider staying with him). Praying it lasts.

OW called twice on Thursday - my sil and I sat there while he talked to her and carped to each other about how much we don't like her (evil grin <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ). Then OW called him Sunday morning - he works the 2nd shift (he's also a deputy, like a lot of the other WH - but he wasn't when the A began). She called him to tell him off about the way he spoke to her Thursday - apparently he was "abrupt and mean" to her, then went into the tirade of, "why don't you love me, what's wrong with me, why didn't you leave your wife for me, is it because she makes more money...." Ijo. She was drunk, of course. He told me he told her that anyone can make money, but that she won't get off her lazy butt and do so (she's living off welfare and has only had 2 jobs in the 3 years she's been around - one as a waitress at the bar we owned - that's where they met, and the other for about a month after mija was born, she quit that because she said her ex was "stalking" her - lazy tart - oops! Did I write that out loud?). She tried the stint about her soon to be ex loves her and would take her back - to which dh told her if she does go back we'll fight for the kids. Her STBE is a druggie who beat the crap out of her. Fine by me - personally, I think the kids would be better off with us from the get-go anyway. Whatever, tho. Let HER love bust all over the place. I'll just sit here and lol to myself and be kind to her when she directs her baleful glare my way ... that's something she'll never understand anyway. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And if my dh and I don't happen to work out, which I'm kinda leaning towards we will - then at least I was ALWAYS the better person.

Dh is going to get the babies today for our visitation. He's also picking up my neice (the one that lost her tooth) to spend the week! She is just as much fun as her momma so it should be a GREAT week!

Thought of you all often - and sent a few flare prayers up, just in case, you know, someone might've had a hard day.

- Kimmy

I'm jealous--That is wonderful! I hope it all works well for you.

Hi Kimmy,

I am so happy that your husband is waking up and handling OW properly. Soon she will know her place hopefully.

kim, I'm so glad you had a great time!! Everyone need to just go a blow off a good time! I have plans to do so again this weekend. We are headed back to the lake. H is going crazy over the tan, I've managed to get and he just loves it. At least I'm not white and pg! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Big round belly kicking the crap out of you ! I really did not have a good time being pg. Alot of problems and just couldn't have them like "normal" people do. So my doc wasn't really crazy about me having 2nd D but everything was alright. Not to mention the cervical cancer I had and they had to remove after the 2nd. But I enjoy having my play ground and not a factory anyway. I thought I would like to have another one, but I'm not going to do anything to get that way. My tubes are tied and IF I do ever get pg, it would truely be a gift from God. Not a way to get or keep a man! Hope everyone has a good week and talk to you in a few.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Thanks ladies.

The hardest part about all this, I think, is that he fell in love with her. You know? I know it started as a fling, and then he grew to care for this person who he'd normally not give the time of day. While I understand, logically, HOW it happened and WHY it happened, some days the logic of it still does nothing to assauge the pain of it.

And those poor kids....I mean really, she's got 6 now....how are they EVER going to reach their full potential as human beings with THAT as a role model? I know I shouldn't care - but the mother in me DOES care.

Okay. I'm whining. No whining today. I'm having too good a hair day and mascara day to get whiny and teary.

Some days it's still hard, you know? Going to go half another zoloft so maybe in an hour I won't care so much - lmao!

I think the hardest days for me are the ones where he has to go pickup/dropoff the kids. While they're here and when they're not, everything is peachy keen and hunky dorie.

It'll get better.
It'll get better.
It'll get better.
It'll get better.

Every day IS better, so I know it'll get better.

Kimmy - who firmly believes in the slogan, "better living through chemistry"

Hi Kimmie,

I know the pickup/dropoff is hard. I found out OW's due date is Sept. 15th. I do not know if I could deal with that if we do not get the baby. I am so hopeing this woman will give us her baby since she is a crack-addict. That is what I am waiting for. I just do not know if I can stay married to him if there is a lot of pick-up/delivery of the baby, especially since she lives three hours away. At least for now he says he will stay away till the baby is born. He went down there to try and get her to commit herself and accomplished nothing. When he got back we had a big argument because he spent the night even though I made it plain that I did not agree with that. I am so sorry you are feeling down now after having such a nice time. Hopefully he is not really in love with other woman. If you are right it is just infatuation and it will soon fade. But to see your husband still communicating with her is hard I know. I hope you feel better soon. Because I think your husband is truly in love with you since he stayed with you. Your OW is crying because she is feeling your husband's rejection.

<small>[ June 21, 2004, 12:21 PM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Hola Sunny! Como estas?

I'm a play ground, too...lmao! My 3rd pg was a hateful time - not because I was pg, but my little guy was a holy terror on his momma - bad bp issues and the kid stretched my sternum so bad I was hospitalized. Dh and I decided while I was pg with him that we weren't gonna have more. It's a good thing he came out so darn cute - cause I was certain the kid would have horns and a forked tail! Tho, every once in awhile, the child gets "that look" in his eyes and I wonder, lol! I got a new name for him this weekend, "destructotot!" LOL! That's my youngest! It's okay, tho, because he gets up into my lap gives me a hug, looks deeply into my eyes with those deep, dark chocolate eyes of his, pats my back and says, "that's my girl..." Where he got that, I'll never know. But destructotot has all the charm in the world!

The other two, I LOVED being pg. Of course with my first, I took the adage "eating for two" to a whole new level. My 2nd, I was so fit and tan - I went swimming every day with her - even the day I went into labor!

Having a playground is a helluva lot more fun than a baby making machine. And you know what? We'll NEVER ever have to wonder/worry that we tried to "get a man" by trapping him with children....and it'll never be a nagging worry that our dh's have in the back of their minds - they'll NEVER wonder our motives! Tho they might wonder every now and then what they ever did to deserve us!

Can I get an AMEN sister?

Kimmy

Genia -

I'll pray for that poor baby. Chances are she'll go into labor early if she's using that hard.

Maybe you and your dh need to read up on babies that are born addicted so you know what you're in for. That'll be really hard, but better for the child in the long run if you can get him/her out of that lifestyle. It doesn't sound like the mama's doing anything to change. Oh, and remember, that if that baby is your dh's, he has as much a right to raise him/her as the mama. That the mama is so strung out is something in your dh's favor. It's a BIG something, too, if you have to go that route. I don't know what state you're in, but in most states, the daddys have as much rights as the mommys nowadays.

My dh did fall in love with her. BUT, he never didn't love me. I know that. I also know that he stayed with me because I'm of better character than she is....not that that's saying much (lol). The kicker now is that SHE is the one that is love busting, and I can recognize what she's doing and see her sabotaging any feeling he may have left for her. "Keep it up, tart," is all I can say.

I can call her a tart here, right? LOL. I never, ever call her names in front of him or the kids. But boy howdy, is she ever a tart, IMO.

- Kimmy

Hi Kimmy,

You are a better one than me because I do call OW names to his face. Lucky for me he does not care. I really hope your other woman keeps lovebusting so your husband will fall out of love with her and back in love with you. I really think that will happen. You are a great person, one I would love to be friends with.

My H has never had reason to wonder about my motives and myabe too much reason not to worry about me--sometimes a little to shake them up is good--but never a pregnancy and child.

Since we are talking about OW I have to give you an update on OW and her delightful family. OW just turned 21 and had OC a few weeks later. Now oW's sister is pregnant--19 or 20. It gets better OW's mom who sadly enough married a friend of ours who is very ill--for his money. Our friend didn't want to die alone--guess he won't with her 4 kids, 1 grandchild and another on the way. OW's mom was driving home from lake where she had been partying with friends w/her 7 or 8 year old son in the car and wrecked it at 55 about 1/4 mile from her house (actually our friends. She got a DUI (blew double the limit in our state), open container, and child endangerment. Had to go to hosp--had stitches, broke nose etc.--do not feel sorry for her but can't beleive she endanger her son--gonna make an excellent grandma. The truck is totaled and I could go on to tell you the horror stories of the living condition where they all live with this newborn child. I shouldn't care but the mom in me makes my heart go out to that child.

I think that we can make anonmyous calls to children services in our state. I'm half tempted to.

Albany - CPS should've been notified about the child endangerment. I don't know how you can check about that - but it's SOP on most of those kinds of cases. I dunno about anonymous calls, but I think (thinking back way back when I called on someone) that they took my name and number, but they don't divulge that info to anyone other than the CPS dept. Meaning, your identity is protected.

My OW is actually the progeny of an A. Her mom had an ongoing A with a married man who never left his wife and kids. Guess who told me that tidbit? The OW. What a tart. WTF did she ever expect? (sigh) The adage of the apple not falling far from the tree comes to mind....but please, this is my prayer, please God, watch over mija and mijo and protect them from becoming apples....I love them so, God. Please, please lay your hand on me and make sure I'm the best person I can be for these little people....

- Kimmy

NG~

You have a great attitude. Way to go with the dives too, that's awesome! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Let the OW do the LB'g whilst you remain true to Plan A concepts and your H will be eating out of your hands.

Do you have twin OC's?

~ad

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Do you have twin OC's?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">(((sigh))) No, Autumn, my dh continued the A even after we'd moved 3 hours away. He would go to pick up mija, and do the deed, then come home. In retrospect, he was in major withdrawl from the tart....So I have my step daughter who is a year and my new step son who is just 2 mo.

Needless to say, tho, there is def. a paternity test in the child's future - if only to set all our minds at ease.

That's why the "(((snort))) which d-day" line...

- Kimmy

OUCH!!

A few questions if you don't mind...

First, yes ABSOLUTELY get the DNA, not only for peace of mind, but for several reasons. Is your H giving her CS for baby? Hope not.

Did you and H come to a mutual decision regarding C w/ the children?

Why is H having C w/ ow via phone? Ideally, this should be done between her and you, or through a 3rd party.

Why aren't you involved in the p/u and d/o's? You need to be!

Does H still have visitation at ow house like he did before 2nd was born? Hope not...look what happened the first time around.

Do you have a legal custody and CS order?

Is the A completely over? I don't like what she's saying to him. Sounds way too close for comfort to me.

Still, I think you have a great attitude. With that, and the tools found here, I think you can make your M work. However for it to truly work and recover, ow can NOT have as big a part in your lives as she apparently does now.

~ad

Geez o'Pete Autumn! You DO ask some toughies! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Lessee:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> your H giving her CS for baby? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not for mijo. Paternity hasn't been established yet.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Why is H having C w/ ow via phone? Ideally, this should be done between her and you, or through a 3rd party.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She called him on his cell at work at 3:00 am. He DID do the right thing (IMO) and told me all about it that morning. Can't say I was happy about it, but then, I think he handled it well...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Why aren't you involved in the p/u and d/o's? You need to be!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do go when I can, but p/u and d/o happen during the week. Dh's days off are Mon-Thur. I work too. BUT: My sil goes with and gives me the skinny...am feeling WAY more comfortable than I did this time last year - last year I was entirely too trusting for my own good - but I must say I kinda knew what was happening....I was love busting myself pretty hard then...and beating myself up about it. Not to make excuses for his bad behavior, but looking back, I must've been a booger to live with - I was so OCDing....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Does H still have visitation at ow house like he did before 2nd was born? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He just goes to p/u d/o the kids. We have them at our house Mon-Thurs every other week.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you have a legal custody and CS order?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We have court ordered CS and visitation with mija (the girl). Dh and I BOTH conjecture that since he's ended it for good with the tart (can't write OW for some odd reason - tart just sounds better <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) that she won't go for CS for mijo (the boy) because she's afraid once paternity is established that we'll take the children from her - and knowing her history, that might be in the best interest for them. I know it'd do wonders for me!

Regardless, I do understand that making a commitment to my dh means making a commitment to the kids...and I have NO problem with that. I do not look at either one and see them as a reflection of their origins. I do look at them and want to snuggle and kiss and hug them...I know that's odd for some to understand, but that's just the way I am.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Is the A completely over? I don't like what she's saying to him. Sounds way too close for comfort to me.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">(snort) Who you tellin? Yes, it's over. But she is a clingy, needy, mincing little biatch who doesn't want to believe that maybe the reason he stayed with me is because I'm a better PERSON than she is. (doh! did I write that out loud?) She also doesn't want to loose her "out." I know she saw dh as a savior of sorts...oy! Hitch your britches up missy, is all I can say. You've got 6 kids and are living on welfare - that'd scare me into getting a job!

- Kimmy

Niosgirl,

You crack me up--I all the same feelings for OW--tart that is good but often worse names pop into my head.

Kooze is another favorite.

Effinbe is one that my girlfriend thought up. It's the name of a doll company and she said if mija ever accidentally overheard me calling the kooze that I could cover my [censored] and say it's cause her mom is a real.....doll.

(evil grin)

Kim, you have to be a really strong person. I might be able to do this one OC but I don't think I would be able to do a 2nd oc. Girl I admire you !!! God knows you are a very strong woman. Both of my pg where bad. I just don't have them right and stay sick the whole time!!! But maybe now he will have is son and he will be complete. No to say I think he's incomplete, but he's always wanted a boy, but we decided w/ all the trouble I have to go ahead and tie my tubes. And didn't want to do the baby thing at 40! But Oh well. At least it will not be all the time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />
We like going and we enjoy being alone so having the child part time is going to be ok. OW is a good mom, even though everyone said her kid was a brat, even H said it. But he's the only g-child and child so I can see why he would be a brat. Oh his room mate hated it when he came to the house! I though that was funny. And told H this one will be raised the same way and he need to count on problems with the behavior. Our D is so laid back and good mannored that others just dont compare. Well be back in a few goin to lunch
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Ohhhh lunch. I remember lunch.... LOL!

Wanna hear another secret? (I told Genia one yesterday) I hate being refered to as being strong....my therapist said that on day one of therapy and I almost took her freaking head off. I dunno - maybe it's because I DID break for awhile - a long while. It's hard to write it down because the feelings about all of this are sometimes way too big for mere words to describe. Here is what I mainly feel on most days now - and let me say here, these are realitivly new feelings - I was broken for about a year and a half - till about 2 months after dday #2 (which was in November) - so here goes:

1. I adore my husband. He can be the biggest horse's behind in the world. He is so fallible. He is so breakable (we know that now) and he is SO very precious to me.
2. If above said husband ever broke again, I don't think I'd be able to stay. Not because of me, because (insert sour face here) I'm much stronger than I was, but because I could not watch him hurt like that again.
3. I miss those children when they aren't there. My babies are home - but some of OUR babies aren't. I pray every night that somehow they'll come live with us so I don't have to miss them anymore - even tho I kinda know it's wrong to want to take them from their mom. I'm so selfish that way - I hope God forgives me for that selfishness.
4. I treasure my family more today than I did yesterday, and I've a feeling they with be more precious to me tomorrow than they are today...
5. And for the first time in over 2 years or so, I am at peace - inside. I don't have that squidgy scared feeling I used to feel ALL the darn time....and I think it's because no matter what - I'll have never lost anything and have gained so much. I will never loose dh's love - even if we didn't make it, I know that. There will never be ANYONE in his life that will stand up to him and stand beside him and let him lean on them like I will/did. We both know it. And I know now the capacity for forgiveness - and also the toll, because it is SO hard.

- Kimmy

NG~

Thanks for your answers. It makes it easier to get a handle on your situation.

I thought of another...does ow still live 3 hours away?

I'm glad he's not paying CS for baby yet. I'd suggest not even having C with baby as well. It will only cause emotional attachments that will be difficult to get over if DNA proves your H is NOT the bio.

So H did the right thing telling you about the call at work. I was actually referring to the call on Thursday where he was talking to her in front of you and your SIL. Any call other than OC issues are completely unnecessary. Perhaps you'll tell me the call was regarding OC, but if that's the case...you or SIL should've taken the call. This is one example of ow interference in your life. If he gives her an inch, she'll take a mile...

Does SIL go along on EVERY p/u & d/o? Someone needs to accompany him. His track record is not good. I know I'm not telling you anything you do not know, but he needs to earn trust. I think he also needs some type of hedge to protect himself from repeating his past.

You said H goes to just p/u & d/o...but you didn't say specifically if he goes to ow house to do this. They should occur at a neutral place such as park, restaurant, daycare, etc...ESPECIALLY if he's not accompanied by your SIL or yourself!!

Doesn't ow ever have to do anything?

Why would she not go for CS for the baby out of fear of you guys getting custody, when that hasn't happened with the first child? I'm a little lost on that logic.

If she's showing signs of using baby and/or the older child as pawn(s), you need to talk with your attorney and protect yourselves as well as the child(ren).

It's not odd for me to understand the love you feel for your OC's. My H loves my OC as his own. Many say that's easier, because he gets to raise the baby as his own w/out interference w/ x-om and I agree w/ that premise, for the most part. I'm not sure I could love an OC produced by him and an ow, as you have. I hope I could, but I just don't know. Hope I never have to find out!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

~ad