I have a question for those of you with contact. Do any of you have the ex ow with damsil in distress disorder?

The affair is most defanatly over, but the ex ow constantly needs my h to help her with appointments and such. I know he's just trying to do what he thinks is right, and it is also time he spends with his daughter.

But well I guess I just need to vent how frestrating she is. Like today. She had some appointments to go to and had to have him help her with the baby. I remember luging my children even as infints to appointments that weren't conveniont to bring them there, with out asking for help. Im a strong woman, I only asked for help when I truely needed it, which was rare.

It frestraits me to know end, that becouse she is less compitant, and a "new" mom, that he feels the obligation to put himself out there, and feels he has to help.

He's just being a good guy and I do admire him for his careing nature of the mother of his child, even though she had a long affair with him. But Im so dam frestrated with her!

I totaly think she is compatant of handling everything that comes her way, and she's just playing damsil in destress with him! To ocupy his time and energy, and so that she knows he's away from here and with her. She is a big time minipulater, and I feel she found a new way of getting attaintion.

She is perfictly clear that they are done, and that they are only to be business partners, and parents (friends for the daughters sake and busness sake if at all possible), but never the less I feel well that this is still her way of not letting go and moving on.

You would think she would want to distance herself more from him, haveing been told everything she has been, and actions that have been taken. Why wouldn't she want to? Im suprised she dosent' want to limit contact as much as possible, just becouse everything she thought her world with him turned out to be false.

Perhaps she's a big person and is able to be detached while still haveing alot of contact, but I dought it. Im sure she has a miniplitive plan, and although my h , with who he is now, is aware of how she is, and is not siseptible to haveing any relationship beyond a friendship with her anymore. Well it all still bothers me.

Does anyone else have a similare situaiton to this, and how did you deal with the frestration the ex ow brings you, without ruining your comunication and growth made within your own relationship. Who wants to hear venting all the time?

killjoy

Hey kj! It's been awhile...I was wondering how you were doing!

Remember, last time lots of people warned you of the unnecessary pain you would be bringing upon yourself if you had C with ow? I'm not trying to say, I told you so, because I know your convictions, and that you really want everything to all work out for the sake of your children, etc...

However, I do believe there needs to be stricter boundries set up. Are you and H still separated? Is it possible you can do the communications with ow? His contact with ow for ANYHING other than OC issues should be a sticking point for you. In other words, the line in the sand...your boundry, of what you will NOT tolerate. Besides that, there's no reason for the contact anyway! NONE! They are not a couple, they are not a family. He is not her H.

To say he is no longer susceptible to an A with her, is akin to having your head buried in the sand. It CAN happen again. Ask a few of the ladies around here.

Glad to see you back here killjoy, hope you stick around awhile. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Take care,

~ad

You know if H or you volunteered for you to take the child and/or her then she would quite asking! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> They just do that to get you pe-od and you and H fighting about it. Offer to take her and see what she saids! She is a typical STOW. She wants to be in your life and you need to get her out, unless it is talking about the OC. And contact like that can go though you. But your H has to tell her thats the way its going to be and let that be it. If he doesn't he is not putting you and your feelings first. These people I know don't have a brain, and if they where so incapible (sp) of taking care of this child by themselves then they shouldn't have picked MM to have them with. Have you seen an attorney? GO GET ONE if you haven't. C/S and DNA should go though the courts. Yes it cost money but it will save you money and heart ache later. Have you spent time with the child and is the child coming to your home for the visits? And did you and H agree to agree to have contact? I will bump a post up on contact and you can read it.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Yeah, I agree with Autumn, Killjoy. And yeah bob, the A happened again in our lives - along with another OC.

IME, your OW is using her "helplessness" as another jumping off point with your dh. Believe me, mine's the queen of helplessness. Woe is me is a great ploy.... It should bother you - and it SHOULD bother the heck out of your dh.

- Kimmy

My OW plays the damsel in distress real well. Calls WH to inform him. I am on crack. I am hurting your baby. He wants to find her to talk her into getting herself some help for the baby's sake. No she does not want to be found. She wants to do crack. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> So he runs after her to save her. She is three hours away. He checks into a hotel. Saving her is more important than honoring an agreement with his wife. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Kicker is she does not want to be saved. She just wants WH to run after her trying to save her.

<small>[ June 30, 2004, 09:49 AM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

teh OW in our life so far is not like that hopefully she ownt be. sh--- she says she does not even want h to interfere in this c life, so we will see. Only time can tell