Thanks for posting to my thread in Gen ?'s

You are right about how I have been acting with the anniversary date of the abortion approaching. And I know that H is assuming something is up...related with OM. He keeps asking me "Are you sick of me?" I am very reassuring that it is the opposite...I need him more than ever right now. He just doesn't know how much! I never thought that he could be relieved to find out that my withdrawn attitude has nothing to do with OM, or A, but the anniversary of the horrible day.

Thank you. I guess I was very apprehensive about posting on a topic of abortion on a board titled "Pregnancy." It seems contradictory.

I will try to tell him tonight. Can I keep you updated?

Welcome!!

Are you kidding...like I said, I won't bite. Quite the opposite. If you are a "favorite daughter" over on GQ, maybe a few of the wise old sages over there will follow your trail over here. They don't visit near enough. I for one could use their help from time to time. Mostly for the advice I dispense to BW's. I feel like a fish out of water most of the time, not having been in their position. I just draw from what I've read and heard about other people going through. We especially need posters over here that are well versed in Plan A and B. I feel like I'm grasping at straws more times than not...but anyway, that's another topic, another day...

You my dear, sound like you are blessed with a gem of a husband!! How awesome that he's picking up on your mood and behaviors. How awesome that he cares what you think of him. Yep, you are blessed! Now take that leap, and tell him about what ocurred last year. As awful as it is, I still say he will be relieved...if that's the right word. Open up, and let him know how much you need him. You can take care of each other...he will need you too.

Don't be concerned about the abortion topic over here. It's been gone over many a time. Like JL told you, there are many stories, many sides.

I know what you're going through isn't pretty, but on the other hand, glad you're not P w/ om baby.

And yes...would love to be updated!!

~ad

<small>[ June 23, 2004, 04:19 PM: Message edited by: autumnday ]</small>

I am feeling like this is going to be a big step in recovery for us. But I am just unsure if it will be a step forward or backward. Thank you for the kind words of support!

About the Preg. board: When I read over here, sometimes it is hard for me to discern if posters are in plan A/plan B/separated...etc. I mean how do you do NC when the OP is the parent of your spouses child? It all seems oh, so so difficult. I have love for all of you. I don't know if I would be of any support to any of these women or men...but I just may try to put my .02 in when I can...thanks!

You are feeling correctly. It will be a monumental step. It probably will, in a way be a step backward, but do NOT let that keep you from doing what is right. If not initially, very soon, it will prove to be a BIG step forward. Honesty is the key to all things good. I know you've at least learned that over on GQ.

Ahhhhh, the intricacies of the P/C board. In brief, to answer your NC w/ OP question when an OC is involved...it's nearly impossible to do, IF there is contact with the OC. That is one of the biggest debates discussed over here, as most of the posters here are the BW dealing w/ an OC from their H's A. Some have contact w/ OC and some do not.

Then there are those of us who are FWW who have OC as a result of OUR A. FBH raising the OC as their own. Some of us don't have any contact with x-om, but there are some that do.

Those are just "typical" scenarios around here. There's a lot more, and a lot more variables too.

Clear as mud, hey? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You haven't offended me--get your thread on GQ. I will always listen--I'm always listening to AD but as she can atest I don't always follow advice well.

AD...

I think that any contact at all with OM would be do detrimental to healing this marriage...I couldn't imagine if OC were involved. My OM has 2 kids that he is raising for his XW...I got very very attached to them and since I have had NC with OM, that means NC with his kids too. I cry sometimes wondering if they think I abandoned them like their mommy did. That is a whole other thing I deal with once in a while. ny situaions like that over here?

Albany...got your reply on GQ thread...thanks! Glad to know you are out there 2. xoxo

Like I said, some of us don't have any contact w/ x-om. For me, I think it would be very detrimental to the healing of our M. It's also one of the reasons my H can accept OC so easily as his own. OC is totally separate from x-om. I'm sure your H could do the same in the same situation. Even the FWW w/ their FBH that do have contact w/ x-om, because they have shared custody of OC, seem to be making it work.

My H knows less about my A and the x-om than probably any other BS in the history of this board. It still bothers me that he knows so little, but the same wise poster who is giving you such good advice is the one who explained my H's probable reasonings for not wanting to know anything.

Heck, there is even a possibility that OC ISN'T an OC...H doesn't want DNA. Imagine if all our angst is for naught?...but that's how he wants it, and I concur.

Any FWW who had a R w/ x-om's children? Hmmmm...can't think of any off the top of my head, around this board. I do know of one poster, a BW who has had custody of and basically raised her WH's two OC's, and has had them taken away from her, when he's left to be a WH some more. Very painful for her, and she missed the children terribly.

This A crap hurts so many people in so many ways.

<small>[ June 24, 2004, 09:49 AM: Message edited by: autumnday ]</small>

AD, Just updated my story on the GQ thread...my H is a wonderful gift from God, and so is MB!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

BIG HUGS TO YOU, AND ALLLLLLLLL!!!

xoxo
mom

I just saw that, and replied.

He is truly a gift! Don't forget though, you are a gift to him too. I told you the other day that you are blessed to have him as your H, but you know what? He is blessed to have you as his W as well! Some people might would say "huh?" to that, or, "how do you figure?". It's true though...he recognizes his blessings and you recognize yours, and neither of you want to squander them.

I see you are a woman with a sense of humor. Some day you both will be able to kinda joke about it all. That's when you know you're in a pretty good place in recovery. Two nights ago, I made some kind a funny to my H, (can't remember what now), but he LOL, and said, "OMG, sometimes you really crack me up!". I don't know why, but without hesitation, I said laughingly, "Sooooo, that's why you really stayed with me...you'd miss my good humor". He laughed, and said, "God no, I had a much more serious reason than that...it was for your bod!" Anyway...so fun to be able to be lighthearted again, and just enjoy life together again.

I wish you the very best on your road to complete recovery.

Give a holler this way whenever you want!

~ad

<small>[ June 25, 2004, 07:46 AM: Message edited by: autumnday ]</small>