I just found out that my husband had an affair last year. Now the lady was preganant and has had the baby. My husband thinks it could be his but I wonder if there is a chance since she was married to that it could be her husbands. SHe seems like she is trying to wreck our life since her husband left her. My husband sems to think the baby might look like him(well he says that the baby does not look like the other little girl she has). I am soooooo confused I just do not know what to do can someone help me.

Dear Lonely, I am so sorry you find yourself here in this community. However, I know you will find support, comfort and other women who have traveled this road.

Lots of advice or suggestions....find an attorney, many of them will give free consultations at least. After you meet with an attorney you will have a better understanding of your state laws. My presumption is if the xow had the baby while she was married, most states would consider the husband the child's father. He can deny that and request his own dna test.

It's so hard to tell at this very point what to do...don't make any rash decisions...don't go giving away money. DO spend time reading this site and taking in the principles. DO try to find a marriage counselor who can help you and your husband.

My prayers are with you. Others will come along and give their advice and support....it's a great community although I think we all wish we weren't here.

Angelia

sorry to welcome you but you have come to a great place.

Try not to stress to much until paternity can be establish and as said usually if married the father is conisdered to be the OW's H unless he contests it.

Get a lawyer, learn your rights and you and your H have to figure things out first I think before you are able to deal w/ OC.

Are you guys wanting to work things out? Do you have kids from this marriage? Does H want Contact with OC? Does OW's H not want the child? Did he leave because he found out she had an affair?

Others will chime in and give you great advice the oldies know what to do to get things started.

I think the OW H left becasue she had an affair and he found out she is preganant. There is still a slim chance that it could be the OW H. My H really truly thinks its his. He said when the OC was born she looked just like him. So I have to face the fact that this OC could really be his. If it is his he wants to be in her life, thats just the way he is he does want to neglect this OC. But we have a child ourself in this marriage and he has 2 OC as well (way before he met me). I asked him, how do you explain to your children that they have a sister and it is not by me. I want to work things out with my H I love him to death. I just feel so betrayed and heartbroken. I just have to really think about if I can accept this OC, and that would mean having to accept the OW as well right. I would have to give the OW some type of respect since she has my H OC right? I am just soo confused. Yes we still are getting a paternity test. Hte baby does not have my H last name. So what does that mean, nothing right.

315, I'm so sorry you have to go though all of this. Please read everything here and if you want to get over the A and OC, it takes an overwhelming amount of forgiveness. But if your true at what you say and H want to be w/you and make your M work. Then it can be done. Set up the arrangements of what you and H will live with and the OW will agree to of visitations. Has he quit seeing the OW? Was he there for the birth? Is H willing to cut contact w/ the OW, just c because of the OC. Can the contact be you w/ the ow on issues w/ the oc? Can you do that. As if you havent seen you have to do some hard soul searching and get everything out in the open. Tell you H what you expect on visitations. Get an attorney NOW! Check w/ child support services in your area and see what the C/S is going to be. Because she is going to want it. Start putting the money back that way when you do go to court your not in the hole! Get your test do. Now if the OW is a sane person you may only need a mediator and that will save you SOOO much money. But these issues are first and make sure YOUR child is protected and H plans to put ya'll first! Again I am sorry you are here. Pray alot, don't do anything out of anger, and expect anything to be said and done!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Sunny thank you!

My husband was not there for her birth. He has seen her since. She orignally said that she wanted him to have no interference, contact or have anything to do with this childs life. Which my H being the person he is was kind of hurt because he felt like of that is his C then he should be there for her. We have changed our Home and cell phone numbers so she cant call. We are working on her getting a paternity test. AS i said the oc does not have my hubbys last name, but now (since her H left her) she thinks she might want to change the c last name to my H last name, which i dont believe she can do legally without proving paternity that is not her husband. My hubby is just trying to be a man and be there for his kid. He truly believes its his and I told him ok then we have to move on like it is for now until the paternity test comes back. But now this lady is talking of taking her kids and moving to Puerto Rico. Which to me would be a good thing, but husband feels like he would be hurt if he never gets to know his d. I feel like this has been taken away from me that I have not yet been able to give him a d. I hope in the future I can. SHe says that she does not want child support but does not mean anything right now. I wnat to thank you guys for your support, you are already helping me feel better.

I'm sorry, I would not believe this woman for nothing. And don't think the judge 5-6 years from now believes you when you tell him, well we wanted to pay the c/s but she never did anything. Ask KT about OW not wanting anything. THEY LIE !!!! And years or months from now you and your H are in a financal bind and paying back c/s. Go get it now. I don't know what state you are in but check w/ CDC and ask them about her being in another country. As far as the name goes, if she has his name and if he wants to be apart of her life then do something NOW. It looks much better on H if you do it now. So what if she don't want the c/s let her tear up the checks, but you better cover your butt. Listen to the "oldies" here, they will tell you the same. They have been where you are and to heed to their advise. Hope this info helps! You can go to www.divorcenet.com and go to you state to get info on c/s.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

WE dont know what to do except what till everything is ready with the paternity test. Even though my H truly believes its his I want the Test, especially if she thnks she can change the babys last name Now, right now the baby does NOT have his name. and thanks for the c/s info. I think if we can get something in writing rightnow from her then we or she will be bound to it. Thank you so much. I just need help to accept this child in my life. That I know what is going to be the hardest part. Part of me wishes she would go to Putero Rico and never come back but the other part of says I know my H will suffer not knowing his D. I just dont know. Like he said he is in a no win situation. Whcih right about now he is right.