Well, our long wait has come to... another wait. The baby was born on 6/27, and now we have to wait 10 (more) days for the test results.

It's been 6 mos. since I found out (and we were married), and this has truly been the worst 6 months of my life. I don't want the results, I do want the results. I'm sure everyone on here has had that same pull between needing resolution and JUST not wanting to know.

Things are open between us, and we feel so confident we could have a great life together. But with the baby....I just am having trouble reconciling that with the life I want, the children I want, everything. I feel too young to settle for this half life.

And now I will vent a little. Because i need to today. Because that baby is here. Just becuase.I am so angry at her. I hate her like I've never hated anyone. I wish harm on her. I think she is a horrific person. She is despicable, unintelligent, pear-shaped, devious, bad-skinned, manipulative, Stepford wifeish, undeserving of anything good. I don't have much good to say about her child either at this point.

Well, as these things go, it didn't really make me feel better. Sigh. The only thing that will is still 7 days off.

Love to all.

niobe,

I am sorry for your pain and can truly say that i am fearful of the same thing that's happening to you right now. But please leep your head up I know that i do not want half a life either and hope that you and your H can find a way to be whole again, without the interference of OW/OC.

But I do not have the words to really comfort you except please keep praying if you are a praying person and God will surely hear your prayer.
( I hope I did not offen your beliefs - I am a Christian).

Things will work out, one way or another.

JT

Niobe,

Please try not to worry about OW too much - I've found that karma will bite her in the butt sooner or later. The only problem with that is that you probably won't be able to be a fly on the wall when it happens........

BTDT on the waiting game. It's a killer, I know. Will cross everything for you and send up a flare prayer.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Things are open between us, and we feel so confident we could have a great life together. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is a GOOD thing. Concentrate on that if you need diversion.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> But with the baby....I just am having trouble reconciling that with the life I want, the children I want, everything. I feel too young to settle for this half life.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have a theory. I'm not sure it'll help you right at this very moment, but I'll share it with you anyway. No one gets the life they planned. No matter what. There are bumps and divots and out and out detours in our paths that we never can foresee. But: We have a choice on how we set our feet and how we choose to live. No one else can place our feet for us, neither do they have the right to tell us our footing is incorrect. We also have a choice on how we react to our footing. We can decide that hey, yeah, this path might be a little rocky (or a lot), but just look at the scenery! Or hey, yeah, I just set my foot in something pretty darn smelly and squidgy....Ick, wtf do I do now?

Good luck Niobe. This is so hard and hurtful, I know. I hope the smelly part is over soon for you!

- Kimmy

Thanks to both of you! Appreciate the support and knowing you both are out there.

Yes, I am a Christian (even though my little rant obviously didn't show it) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . Even Jesus got mad at the moneychangers in the temple, right? So, long story short, I appreciate every prayer out there -- Hindu, Muslim, Baptist, Druid, Tao, Judaism, etc. Keep them coming.

And secondly, you are SOOO right about the "not my plan" thing. It's hard to be a type-A firstborn sometimes. I've always known what was coming down the pike. This whole uncertainty is new ground.

just hang in there girl, you can do it!! Everything will work out for the best - at least I am praying that it does. God knows what he is doing and has you destiny mapped out so just continue to pray about it!!

I am glad that you have found us here to help you through this. We all need each other and depend on each other for support when we can't find it anywhere. So post-post -post as often as you need to so we can be your rock of support.


LOVE YA,

JT