Hi, I recently was encouraged to post here from a friend from another board. I am Jen and found out Saturday that my husband's affair has resulted in a pregnancy and she is due in December. I myself am due in February and am reeling from this all. I would like to start from the beginning so you all can get to know my situation and let me lean on you. (If you don't mind)

One year ago I was pregnant with our youngest son and had him in August. In September my husband became very distant, but I really didn't think too much of it. We owned a business that I ran and took the children with me to work. I figured he was tired as was I. In October, I got a phone call from him saying he was going to be late. He was talking to a female coworker and helping her out with some boyfriend issues. I thought that was strange because he is not a talker at all and I have never heard she even existed. When he went to sleep that night, I checked his phone and noticed call after call to her phone and vice versa. I didn't want to say anything because I figured I was being paranoid. That following Sunday, I was cleaning out his car and found directions to her house and a box of condoms. I was in complete shock and confronted him about it. He said they made out but then it felt weird so they stopped. It took me 2 months to pull his story apart and find all the lies riddled in it. Each month, the cell phone bill was huge and he'd make every excuse to cover for it. Every time I found the bill, I'd pack up the kids and leave. He'd beg me to come back and say it would never happen again and the next month, same thing. Finally, in February, I kicked him out and made him get his own place. I asked for a divorce and he said he'd file as soon as he got enough money. After I kicked him out, I found I was pregnant again and was extremely depressed. When I miscarried a few weeks later, I felt guilty for the relief that spread over me. I still feel guilty for that. We didn't have much contact for 3 months and during that time, I started to heal and feel better. In May, we had a trip for our business and we rediscovered each other and we moved back in together. The phone calls had stopped and he was doing so well. Then last week, I get the cell bill again and the calls started up again. I was livid and he apologized again as always. Then on Saturday, he was talking about the OW and what had happened. I heard him say something about how the condom broke and I freaked. I said am I going to die of HIV? He said no then I asked if she ever got her period and he said he didn't know. I KNEW right then she was pregnant, but had to ask him 4 times before he said she was. I am now pregnant myself (7 weeks or so)and cannot believe this is my life. The OW kept calling because of the baby. I told my husband yesterday that he is to have no contact with her or the child until our marriage is whole again and I feel so incredibly guilty. He was not agreeable at first and he took a long walk. Now he says he is going to tell her today that he will not be in the child's life and I feel llike the most horrible person in the world. I am at such a loss as to how to feel and if I did the right thing. I feel much better, but am sad for my husband as he feels guilty too. She has only asked for 1/2 daycare costs so far, but I am prepared for a longer battle soon. I hate not knowing the future.

So anyway that is my intro. I apologize for the length, but would love any thoughts. I am so drained anymore I feel like a zombie to my kids. Then again, I've felt that way for nearly a year.

I am sorry that you have to be here. My husband's OC is due in Nov. We are trying to repair the damage that has been done to our marriage as a result of his affair. The OW being pregnant is devastating and that is putting it mildly. NC was esablished on D-day with no exeptions if there is a problem with the pregnancy she can call me not WH.

My husband also said that he wants NC with the child I have advised him to wait on that until the baby is born so that he can see how he feels. At first the OW was saying that she wanted him to give up his parental rights and she did not want anything from him just help with the doctor's bills that all changed real fast! Money, money, money seemed to be the focus after that. When confronted with the knowledge that I knew that my H was not the only one that she had been sleeping with she went from saying that H is "definately" the father to H "could possibly be the father".

The OW will not provide us with any documentation of her due date so we do not even know for sure when the baby is due. I understand your frustration with it all I have been living it for over 3 months. If your H is willing to go NC then you have a chance there is alot of great advice on this board from people that have "been there done that" read through and good luck. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

There is so much good advice that you will get from this board. from those of us that really have been there.

BREATHE. This will not be the end of your life. Take it all one day @ a time. Get plenty of rest & eat right. Especailly w/ baby on the way.

Marriage counseling is a must. I hear the Harleys are worht every penny.

DON'T give OW & OC another thought. They are not your responsibility. DON'T give OW ANY $$$$$$ either until paternity is established legally through DNA test.

Personally I encourage NC but we currently do have C & it has NOT gone well.

I think w/ C, the marraige canot fully heal as well & it puts a lot of strain, not only on your marraige but the entire family, your kids included. But of course that is a decision you & H need to make together after DNA is established.

SOme have suggested too that YOU file a legal separation & get CS set up for your children first. In most states (not all) whoever files first gets the higher support % & the next filer gets a % of what is left over.

We are TOTALLY here for you to elan on & whatever else.

This will not be the end of your life.......it only feels that way.

If you have been depressed before...definately keep an eye for it after your baby is born. It can brcome extremely worse after the birth & turn inot post partum depression even more. I was also depressed during pg of youngest child & it became severely worse after baby was born but anti-depressants helped A LOT. I could not take anything during pg though.

Read everything on the Harley's site about marraige.

Take care of yourself. We're here for you.

I am sorry that you find yourself here BUT you are in the right place AND you are NOT alone!

When my last son was born, I went back to work 4 days later and never looked back. When I found out about the A, I hated my H for what he did and I couldn't even take any time away to sort through everything. I was trying to nurse through it all and my supply dried up. I was so sad for that. I am now fearing that the OW will want a lot more than just money. I told H that if he contacts her at all or accepts contact from her, I am walking without looking back. I can afford to do it on my own and have plenty of family. I just want to be sure I am doing the right thing for me and my boys. I do not want contact at all. I don't see how that would be helpful for anyone but H and the OW. I feel like I am just biding my time until it happens again. I hate feeling like this. How many ws have relapses until they really stop? Do they ever? Will I ever have faith in him again?

Jen,

Hugs. I'm so sorry you're here. I've lived every one of your moments there and then some (we have two OC by the same OW). Healing is possible....but it's long, hard work - trusting comes WAY after healing m'dear and is just one little step in a huge process. The other girls have given you some excellent advice about where to start - even wrapping your brain around all this is difficult in the beginning, so just nod and listen and do your best for YOU.

If you need anything - we are here. The most relieving thing to me was that I found out I wasn't the only one......Your friends and relatives (whom you choose to tell) probably won't "get" it. They'll just want to hurt your H because he hurt you....and that's a very human reaction - but we here understand better than most "normal" humans what you're going through.

Again, hugs. Ask us questions...vent to us....we - all of us here - are here for each other.

- Kimmy