I recently found out that my husband of 5 years (14 years total for our relationship) had a fling approximately a year and a half ago. In adittion, they created a child 3 months after my husband & I created a child. So now my son has a lil sis that is 3 mos younger than him. He's told me that he had no emotional feelings for the woman but that he wants his daughter to know him. I have initially said that I want to try and work it out...but I am having difficulty. He is talking to the mother about the baby and I just can't deal with it. I feel so confused and alone. Anyone who has dealt with this type of situation, please give me some advice. I believe my H loves me but what he has done is now going to be with us forever. I just don't know what to do.

You are NOT alone.

So you thought you could 'deal w/it' but you can't. OK, that is fair. You must be honest w/ your feelings or else you will begin to resent your H.

Your marriage will not survive if H is doing something that you can't handle. Read on the sight about POJA. You must BOTH enthusiastically agree to something or else not do it.

It is utterly ridiculous for your H to not consider your feelings. This is your marriage & life too.

IMO i also think it's ridiculous for H to want daughter to know OC. I KNOW many would disagree but that is just what I think of it.

Are you 2 in counseling? You really should be.

Read everything here on this site, POJA, Radical Honesty, EN questionnaire ect. They are extremely helpful. I have heard that counseling w/ the Harley's is aldo worth every penny!

We're here for you, you have found the right place!

TR

I am in the same situation. Ijust found out H had an A which resulted in now a 6 month OC. He has no part of OW except to call her to check on the OC. Since I have found out he has NOT contact her. He says he wants to OC to know him. As you this is hard for me to deal with as well, but you need to think about if you REALLY want this marriage to work.

I dont care what anyone says... What he did he should not have but he cannot just act like this child NEVER existed, OC did NOT ASK to be brought here. My h is very much into his kids he feels if he can't do anything else he atleast wants them to know who he is.

Trust me this is hard for me to accept, dont know if i can but I DO KNOW that I want my marraige to workand that means if I have to accpet this child to accept my H than that is what I will have to do.

The choice is Ultimately YOURS NOT HIS for your marriage. Just remeber if you truly love him, its easy to leave but not everything in life is meant to be easty. Also remeber GREAT THINGS come of something bad. I am now finding that out. You will be in my prayers.

I really want my marriage to work. I want it for myself and my son. I know how much my H loves us, but I am having a hard time digesting the OW & OC. He is so much into punishing hisself right now that I don't know if I can cope. I cannot be strong for both of us. I realize that he needs to be a father for the OC, but I believe that we need to heal our marriage first and foremost or our son will suffer. And I definitely do not want that to happen. Further, I believe that contact with the OW should be at a minimum unless it concerns the welfare of the OC.

Although, I do not know if any of this matters now because we may be sepearating. He believes that I do not know what is best for me and that he is not it. He thinks that he should be punished. I am tired of fighting by myself. He doesn't want to go to counseling (he thinks I am the one that needs it....not him). He keeps putting all the decisions on me and saying we are going to do whatever I say, but I told him this is not healthy that we need to come together and make decisions concerning the welfare of our marriage. I don't know what else to do. He says he wants to be with me but he is not doing anything xtra to try and make it work. I am doing all the reading of website's and books. He is just sitting back letting me dictate. This is so hopeless.

TR

I am lke you new to this. But honey trust me when I say it all takes time. as fas as OC goes YES start to fix you guys first or this will not work at all.

Truthfully, I dont want H to see OC right now because if he does I would go and truthfully I don't think I can handle that I want to give you another website to register to where you can get ALOT more input this site has helped me TREMENDOULSY.

http://members3.boardhost.com/infidelity

I hope you log on and get access and talk to the women there. I am always there as well.

If you truly want this and God knows you do he WILL help you. GOD does everything for a reason just remeber that. I had found myself questioning god, but I know that I cannot do that, and I truly belive he has given me the strength FOR NOW to deal with this. My prayers are with you and trust me I DO konw what you are ging through.