If anybody is out there - please answere that question for me. How can you really tell or are there certain behaviors that show if your WS really wants to be home. I asked that question because I have been terribly positive these past few days and have not LB in awhile. I had a conversation earlier with H about lunchtime. Honestly I just called to say I love you or how is your Day - something to that effect.

He was upset and telling me about his XW arguing about her CS (well not really CS but H pays for SS to go to summercamp)- so she was complaining about him giving her a check and not cash money.
He was really upset and asked me why she keeps on effing with him about it. I could really not respond to that but I instantly started thinking about OW/OC how is she going to be. This woman was at least his xwife. He had the nerve to tell me that OW would not be that way because she does not even mess with her H about CS. Wait a minute they are still married - so how does he know. Why is he banking on her being so nice?

I know he never thought she'd call my H either, but she did and told me all kinds of lies. H had the nerve toi get angry. I am so angry I have been boiling for about Two hours now, but I decided to write you all insterad of calling and LB him.

But Hell I am so upset and really wish I could just kick his A$$ right now!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I feel as though no concern for me is ever given and no answers definately are not given. So what the F$#%^ and I doing here!!
Waiting on the Damn roof to cave in on me and my kids!@!!@!@


Help before I do something really stupid like - Kick his ans her A$$R$RAQ#%YG !!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Q#@$^T&*) &^$(%@$% E#%^*UL<# EQ@#$^ !!!!!


JT

Oh dear JT2, I am so not the one to respond to you today. I am right there with you today and I really do not know how to answer your question. In an attempt to answer a similar question I have, I decided to pick up a book I started to read about 9 months ago. It's called "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay." I read about the first 4 chapters and stopped. I picked up where I left off but need to go back and re-read the other chapters. I am hoping to get clarity from it regarding my feelings about this situation and what my H is capable of.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He had the nerve to tell me that OW would not be that way because she does not even mess with her H about CS. Wait a minute they are still married - so how does he know. Why is he banking on her being so nice </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh I hear such similar things to. Why do they think OW will be just so accomidating? I told my H a few things and he would disagree with me. I told him I know this is a possibility because I did it and that is they way women work.

I have to run to the first of several meetings today. I will check in a little later.

Take care.

Dear JT,

Yes there is a way to know. Your womans instinct should tell you. You know better than your H that this woman is going to be a thorn in his and your side. You know how women act. I get the same thing from my H. He swears that the OW will not sue him because he thinks that she does not want him. All she wanted to do was have a baby because she is 37 and childless. When he starts talking that crazy mess I just plainly state, "WATCH AND SEE". Just go about dealing with this as if you know that she is going to stir up trouble. If she doesn't then that will be an added bonus.

I feel that dealing with an X is a lot easier because you get the opportunity to adjust to her prior to your marriage and you chose that. With this OW your choices are stolen and it becomes harder to deal with somebody that you would rather not EVER have to see or deal with ever in your life.

Hi JT2,

I am so sorry. I feel the same way. My husband seems to put OW on a pedistal too. If only WH could see OW for their true colors. When he sees OW for her true colors He will be angry with OW too. But it hurts so much that our WH's waste emotions on OW. I know how much it hurts.

JT2,

What NotSure said is what I was trying to get at.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know better than your H that this woman is going to be a thorn in his and your side. You know how women act. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I also like the comment </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"WATCH AND SEE". Just go about dealing with this as if you know that she is going to stir up trouble. If she doesn't then that will be an added bonus.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

JT, I', sorry I didn't see your post til this morning. I agree w/ NSSWTD. You know your H and you should be able to read him. I know with mine when I look at him or when he looks into my eyes, holds me, and makes love to me I feel he wants to be with me. He has changed in a number of ways. Still yet he nor I are perfect and our relationship, it is great right now, but I still take it day by day. He's home more, we talk more, he talks in great detail about OUR future, (which is funny cause he doesn't include the OC in it?)We do almost everything together. Even though our relations had NEVER been this way, its taken me sometime to get use to also. I am very independent and I think that was part of our problem. I always had make my own money I can do my own thing attitude. When he works late he wants me to come by there and help or just visit while he works kinda stuff. My house here has suffured. I'm going to have to find a cleaning lady cause I cant be at two places at once. I've had to get use to showing him I need him, not just for the money, but for the companionship. Not in a winny kinda way but that we are partners and God gave us to each other to watch over a protect kinda way. We still have so much further to go. We still don't talk much about the OC and whats going to happen and getting the DNA done, CS put back, and most of the times I have to ask if OW has called. He tells me the truth, but still he should tell me. But then again he doesn't want to get me upset and he knows I don't want the OW and her [censored] to consume our lives. We are consentrating on US. It still pe-ods me that we have to wait till the OC gets here to start stuff, according to the attorney, there is no sense in starting the process until the child is born and the test is done. So we wait and we work on making our relationship stronger. Yes he doesn't think OW will be mean and stuff, but in reality he knows that the chance of hell breaking loose is good. She is hurt, she is alone, shes going to have to be up at night by herself with noone to help her and her hormones will go nuts too. He will see and he has seen things that opens his eyes alittle at a time. Why they don't think they can lie to folks and the same folks are lying right back to them. (H & OW) Everything about the relationship was/is a lie. HELLO wake up! And most of them do in time, some faster than others. What YOU do and how YOU make your H feel depends on the time line! Jt hang in there the bad days do past and the good days get closer and closer.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D
Delighted today is HUMP day ^^
Delighted that God has given me another beautiful day to enjoy.
Delighted that he fills my heart with joy
Delighted that he watches over us and holds us when we need him the most!
And last but not least :
Delighted that God is in control and NOT me!

Hey,

Today is still not a good day. I had a bad night stayed out late purposely so I would not have to deal with H when he came by. I had the kids with me so he did not see them at all on yesterday. I did not answer my cell when he called ( left it in the car purposely). I wanted him to see how it felt to not be able to reach me or not to know where we were. He was angry and even questioned me about it later when I returned his call. I don't know why I even care anymore. All the promises he keeps making just upsets me more because he makes a choice to leave me and the kids every night. No matter what I can not seem to get him to see that or at least i think I can not. I am furious!

I am tired of living like this!! I am tired of my kids having a part time H and me really not having a H at all. I know I am right about her. I know that I am going to hear from her and I am not willing to share my life with her. I do not weant to live with phone calls about the baby is sick or that the baby needs diapers.

I am tired of the drama!!

JT

ok so you are tired? I understand,so what do you want to do? What do you think will help?

A divorce? H will still be a part-time dad but no longer your H. Will that give you more energy?

What needs to happen to make you feel better? H move back in I bet is your answer.

What are H reasons for not being home again? REAL reasons not lame ones.

Yes IF H wants C w/ OC then OW will be a thorn in yoru side......thta can be avoided....you know that.

If you 2 choose NC then there is no reason to hear from OW EVER again.

Hang in there hon. Did you start the ad's? And what was H response to not being able to reach you? DId you calmly state that THAT is how you feel about how things are w/ him. Mysteriously unreachable all the time?

Did you read up on plan b? Seriously & what is stopping you from implementing it? I think it would give you some relief.

KT-

The fact htat I have never really done a plan A and the fact that I am afraid he will leave me all together is what is stopping me from plan b.
Also the fact that I am not making the money that I was due to to job change so financially I need him right now.

So yes fear is driving me. fear of the unknown and of what the truth really is.

How do I get past that and what else is there? Do I really beleive that a D will help - no- because I love this man but I can not go on like this really.

NO Anti D's taken.

JT

JT,

Hang in there girl & cheer up, things will get better. If H wanted nothing else to do with you - you would know, he wouldn't be around. I believe he wants to come home & will when he is ready, & YOU don't want him home before that believe me.

I think they are content to believe all that OW's say because of the fog, my H was the same way, I told him 2 yrs. ago this very day that if he came home to live with me SHE would start being a pain in the a@#! Oh no no no was his reply, she would never keep him from his D - can we say FOG or just plain stupidity! Your H will see like they all do in time, the fangs & claws will come out when OW doesn't get her way.

Calm down, breathe, pray you will be alright.
Just keep LBing here with us, don't add fuel to the fire by doing it w/ H!

Thank you BBYG,

I need a friend and all of oyu are all I have to lean on! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I have no one else really which is why I am probably desperate for your advice ( all of you).
I need to talk often because I am just disheartened by it all. One step forward is ten backwards. I t has become a never ending cycle.

I am tired of being the second hand citizen which is what I feel like. I am making myself physically sick to my stomach. today ia not a good day!!

JT

Hi JT2,

I know all your feelings. I am with my husband but sometimes I still feel lonely. Like he is far away from me. Sometimes I feel like he takes me for granted and treats me like his woman on the back burner. Or I feel like his Mom. I am just here to meet his needs and should not expect anything from him. I feel so neglected at times. He is slowly warming up but it takes so long. I only have his Mom to confide in. She is a real good listener. Sometimes I think she gets tired of hearing my sad story but she listens. You can talk to me anytime. I do not know how much I can help but I will listen. You can vent on me and others anytime. It is so good to have a safe place to come to.

JT,

That is what we are here for - each other!

I pray your day gets better, LB all you want if need be, we ALL have our days! And this one won't last forever! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

JT, you need to
First take your AD's
Second Start with plan A and stay with it.
Third Get a date set for plan b.

These steps you have to do. You need to realize weither you are M to him or not H and the OW and the OC will be in some part of your life ALWAYS!
If your not M, and even if he doesn't go to the OW he still wants and is going to do C w/ OC. So you will still hear things even from your children about the OC! Its there, its always going to be there. Even if NC is in force, read the post they ALWAYS POP in and out of your life. You can't erase this from your life. But you do have to get past it. Its not fun to think about but it is the truth. You need to search your soul for what YOU can live with and deal with. But your not going to be able to deal w/ any of it until you start the healing process for YOURSELF! MB is NOT to change the man you married, it to help make changes in YOU ! You have to make up your mind on what you want to do for your family. Yes its hard to think that they will be a part of your life but you can get past it and make the best of it. Not saying to be a door mat. Are you talking to a MC? Even if you just go. So that way you can find a way to move on and make your M work. Maybe H see's your not getting past this and he's not wanting to force you to deal with it, with him not being there, he thinks, maybe its better for you? You cant always think the worst, not and get over things. Dont let this event in your life be your life! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ((((Hugs to you )))))))) Me and H went through MONTHS of fights, I'm leaving, your leaving, get out! Kinda fights. I even asked him one day where his keys where cause yes he was leaving and no he wasn't coming back cause I had it! Then I was leaving, but guess what my car got stolen! So God knew where he wanted me and found away to keep me there. And we are doing MUCH better now. You just don't know the fights we had! Didn't think we would ever be here now, but by the grace of God we are.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D