Well Ladies,
Today marks two years of hell I have endured with & without my H in the home. The day my life was blown apart because of the selfish actions of my H & OW. There - that is the last time I am gonna say that. I was told I should not mark or keep track of this day & I won't next year whether we are togther or not.
It seems my life now exists in two parts before July 14, 2002 and after July 14 2002 and I have to stop thinking like that, it is dwelling on the past, past pains, past hurts, past mistakes that keeps me a prisoner in a jail of my own making. I cannot move forward like that and I know it won't help my H to move forward either because I not only dwell on it but speak on it often to H. I thanked God this morning for waking me up to see another day, that my home was intact, all loved ones safe & most of all that my H was lying next to me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I had a talk with God on the way to work today and asked him why had I been so stupid, stubborn and scared this past two years tying to handle this on my own, to force my will upon H, to be so hard when I could have been softer, to let fear (False Evidence Appearing Real) rule over me and allow me to make decisions that were not in my best interest and directly against the will of God. I asked God to forgive me for being so disobidient and not listening to his voice and allowing him to fight this battle for me. I have to let him handle this, I know that beyond the shadow of a doubt.
I believe that this "trial" I am going thru will ultimately bring God glory in my Marriage, God never wastes a hurt. So I have to put my faith in God & trust him to handle this, I know I have said that to many of you and myself many times, but today has to be the start of a new way of living a renewing of my mind and spirit. I will pray this scripture daily;
2 CORINTHIANS 4:18 NIV
18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
So to all of you, my sisters who are in this struggle with me, never doubt that with God we will be victorious no matter the outcome! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Remember the devil took his best shot - but we are still here.
So I will celebrate this day and all the days the Lord allows me to live knowing that HE loves me with an everlasting love!
To God be the Glory for the things he has done & will do in the future! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
