H and I are just getting so sick of all the games. You have Xmm playing games trying to get me back. Using my love for the kids as a pawn. Then you have H Xow playing games with visits.

H talked with Xow last week about visits. She wanted him to sign his rights away, using some excuse that I called her a slut on-line somewhere. Just another excuse for her cause she's been playing this for 5yrs now. Lets H and the kids see Oc, then about a month later pulls the visits. She just did again this year. In June OC was finally able to come over with out her along and even slept over a few times. Now today she told H that the only way she will let him see OC is if he goes to her house. Doesn't she see the harm she is doing to all the children involved?

Then you have Xmm not wanting to let go of the relationship we had. Its been over completely for over a year, he is still holding on, even figured out where I am posting on line, sending the post to his sister in law *****ing about it. Driving by my house to see if I'm home and if I'm not he goes by H friends. He is even going to my sister & dads complaining. Then he is thinking I'm talking bad about him to the kids to make them not want to talk/see him.

Why can't things just work out, these two idiots grow up and realize what damage has been done and try to make things better? Is it that impossible to do?

Crazymum,

I have a couple questions for you. The first is, does your H have any legal CS and/or visitation in place? If so, I would take xow to court to be sure that the visitation plan is followed as it's written. If not, can you possibly go to court to have such a plan placed in force? I can't remember a whole lot about that side of your situation.

As for the DM, well, I know that you want the kids to know their father, but is it worth all the stress and problems that it's creating? I know that "legally" DM has no claim on the kids, so why deal with HIS issues? You've told him on numerous occasions that it's over, and that's the end of it, but maybe you SHOULD tell him that if he doesn't stop his childishness, you WILL keep the kids from him. You do have every right, as what he's doing is NOT good for the kids, or you and your M. Heck, he's taking it to your family now?!?! This guy is still playing games, and it's only going to end up hurting the kids if you don't stop him now! I know you don't want the kids to miss out on their father, but what he's doing is not being a father, at least in my eyes.

If he can't respect your M and your family life, then he doesn't deserve to have that time with the kids. Your situation is one of the main examples of why we never told xom about P! I know, for a fact, that he would have done the same exact thing! I wanted to save my M, as did my H, and with xom involved, it would have NEVER worked.

I would just lay it on the line, and tell him that if his childishness doesn't stop NOW, he will NOT get to see the kids. If even ONE time he says something to you, or ANY of your family, that has NOTHING to do with the children, then the visitations will stop until such a time as you see that he can control himself. If he wants to be a father to these children, then he will straighten up. If he's just using them to see you, well, then you need to stop that NOW! He is NOT respecting you, and so he needs to have some consequences, right? If he wants to act like a child, then treat him as such.

I hope that I've helped at least in a small way. I wish that I could help more. Keep us in the loop!

Tigger

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The first is, does your H have any legal CS and/or visitation in place? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">H pays CS, has since the boy was 9 months old. He is now almost 5 1/2. According the to court paper visits are supposed to be on what the parents agree. Over the years she has let H, us ( kids and I) see J (OC), but the only way was us going to her place, on a few occasions she would come over to our house. This would go on for a month then she would pull visits and ask H to sign off his rights so her H could adopt.

This past June, out of the blue she dropped J off with H ( she's never left him alone before) then he was actually left to stay the night. He stayed with us about 3 times over a 3 week period. Then after she left her daughter with me over night, what was supposed to be a few hour visit, she is back to the adoption thing again.

Now H was supposed to be able to pick up J today, but she refused to let J go with H and H stayed at her house for and hour playing with him.

I'm so mad right now I'm shaking. I can't believe he is kissing her [censored] and doing what she wants. I guess he says he wants me to check into bringing her to court. Why can't he do it?

This kind of visitation is called &#8220;reasonable&#8221; and is based on what the parties agree on. It basically translates into the custodial parent calling the shots. In this case, that would be the mom. As long as the parties are being fair and doing what is best for their child, then &#8220;reasonable&#8221; visitation works. It&#8217;s a lot more flexible. However, since your OW is playing games and using the child as a pawn, a more structured visitation schedule is called for. If it&#8217;s worth it to you and your H, why don&#8217;t you file a motion to have the visitation order changed? If mom won&#8217;t cooperate, let the judge spell it out for her.

Believe me, I&#8217;m not a fan of xMM, but I make sure to put my son&#8217;s interests above my own. If that means sucking it up and plastering a smile on my face in order to facilitate a relationship between him and his dad, then that&#8217;s what I do. Folks who use their kids to push their own agenda really irk the he!! out of me.

Good luck with this one!

OB1