H & I went to the 2nd meeting of this marriag group from church.....there were even more couples showing up! Whew! It was HOT in that house.

ANyway we are going through this book called, Communication is the Key. So we were discussing the first chapter. H & I didn't offer much & I'm thinking....oh man, all these people we do not know & eventually we are gonna have to open the floodgates & let them in! kwim?

The leader kept asking discussion questions...."What is the 'deal breaker' in your marriage? Are there any? And are there any in a Christian marriage?"

I felt my heart just burning & I knew once I spoke up it would be like a flash flood so I just stayed quiet. (H later said that he was thinking thesame things)

Finally the leader asked to hear from 'our side' of the room. I knew this was it. Well, H spoke up & I don't even remember the question now, I think it was, 'how have we changed in our marraige?'

H said how I (ktbunch) was the main thing that caused him to change & helped him understand GOD'S love & forgiveness for us. He said that he had had an A, & STILL I was willing & able to forgive him & take him back & love him. H said if this person (me {happy tear}) that he loved so much & hurt so much could love him & take him back...how much MORE God loves him & could forgive him.

H got teary eyed, as did I of course, then I hear all this sniffling...I don't think there was a dry eye in the place.

Then the leader asks me how I have changed. I didn't really know where to even begin. I say dumb stuff when I am nervous & ramble on & on but I hope I was able to say what God wanted me to say.

I mentioned that the A resulted in OC which complicated things even more & I shared how the way I had changed was by allowing GOD to do the work. I had to be open & willing enough for GOD to do the changing of my heart & the healing. I had nothing left within me to put in any effort anyway. I had to allow God to put things in perspective for me. I realized that no matter how HELLISH this situation has been for us, it is the CLOSEST to hell we will ever get. The most important thing is our salvation & if we have that........then everything else is CAKE in comparison. I let God help me to realize that this life on Earth is a speck compared to eternity.

And I shared (somewhere in the evening) how I now had the man I had always wanted & always dreamed of. Well, later as I was thinking about that, I realized that if our marraige had ended, H would have never BECOME the man I had always dreamed of & wanted. IT took us going through this hell for God to form us into the people HE wanted us to be. Nor would I be the woman I am right now.

I was reminded of Peter when he denied Christ the 3x. That was no suprise to Christ. It was to Peter, he never dreamed he would do that but God knew. See, in order for God to use Peter, Peter had to get his own dang self out of the way. It wasn't until he was @ his lowest point, after denying Christ & he realized he was NOTHING could God now create Peter into what HE wanted him to be. A man of God not a man of Peter!

So I thought that is what God had to do w/ H & I. Get our own selves out of the way so HE could use us. He could mold & form us. I was trying to create H into what I wanted, he was trying to create me into what H wanted & neither was what God wanted. When we realized what WE had created in each other (monsters LOL) we had to(were forced actually) let go.

I had to accept my H for who he was/is (a person w/ weaknesses & faults) because that is what God created him to be, just as I. Then God could do the changing & molding into more of what HE wanted H (& I) to be. Then God could create H into the 'man of my dreams' that I cherish & admire. I have mentioned before that my H was never someone I admired....in the past but he is now.

I am so excited by this. Do you guys know what I mean?
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Then this one couple briefly shared some trials they had had. ONE major thing was that the H had cheated on the W while they were dating & created a child. W made him choose & he chose her but it was a constant battle & struggle & after 26-27 years of marraige...there was some MAJOR resentment & they were @ thepoint of divorce.

God is currently healing their marraige but the wife said she had just apologized to H that day for making him choose like that & that she gives it up to me for accepting H OC because she couldn't do it.

The H says that he is now able to fully be there for his dd (who is now 31...same as me) & that the dd had just told him, "thanks for being there for me now becuase it is never too late to be a dad!" Then for sure EVERYONE was crying after that.
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Then afterwards people were coming up to me to talk to me personally & I felt so wierd, especially because I had on these really cute high sandals so I was WAY taller than these already short people & I'm thinking.....don't look @ me for advice because this is ALL GOD's doing! I'm just along for the ride & kicking & screaming most of the way.

This one guy who didn't really share much of anything & was new to the group just yesterday came up to my H & asked if he could get together w/ him to 'talk' later in the week but H was not available @ that time. But I'm like--------go talk to him. Men don't reach out like that women usually do so get out there--he must need you!

This one lady...her brother cheated on his W & the wife considers it the last straw & the H wants to get back together & doesn't understand why his W won't forgive him. (as we all sit back in our seats KNOWING why! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) BUT he is truly sorry. But man......I guess we hit a major nerve last night. I wonder how it will be @ church from now on......

I think we are gonna make a LOT of new friends! It wasn't all about us, plenty of others shared too but this is just how I was affected by it.

whew! bring it on! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sounds fantastic. Gives a whole new meaning to bringing down the house. I am glad that you and H are doing so well, going to church and connecting with each other and God.

I would like to be there some day too.

KT,

That was a great post, H & I used to belong to a Marriage Enrichment Ministry at our church, we were using the "His Needs Her Needs" book.

I am sure you already know after your meeting but you and H will get so much out of that ministry, I know we did.

You two have such a powerful testimony of what God can do in the most broken of marriages & it will help so many people, even if you never know, God never wastes a hurt & he will use your experiences to help others find healing, forgiveness & restoration.

Hopefully, prayerfully H will soon come back to church & we can participate the ministry at our church again!

You are such a great blessing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks kt! I printed this post to share with my H. He just doesn't see how any couple can get past an A w/ OC. I want to use you and your H as an example - it most definitely is possible.

It is so possible but somehow they don't seem to see it and I guess we enable them sometimes and need to take a stronger stance but I have a hard doing that quite often.

KT it is a great post and I almost ready to have H look at this site but decided not to after his behavior change on last Sunday.

I envy your relationship.

ktbunch, I totally understand what you mean. Your comment about not admiring your husband, etc really hit home with me. I was doing the same exact thing.

For years, my husband would try to get through to me, and I didn't listen. It took an affair, and the threat of losing him to wake me up. So, satan may have provided the temptation for the affair to start, but then God turned it to His glory by teaching us both a lesson and then restoring our marriage.

All I did was say a prayer from Stormie Omartian's book "The power of a praying wife" and let God do the rest. In order for my marriage to change, I had to let Him change me first.

I won't elaborate on all that happened since this is your thread and I don't want to "steal" the limelight from you. I'll just say that you've been such a blessing to all of us here, and it's obvious that God is working through you to help others who desperately need it.

In fact, if I find out that our OW is pregnant next month (no...I still don't know!!), guess who I'll be turning to for advice? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

That's why I haven't posted much lately. My husband and I visit this board every day, but we're kind of in a holding pattern until we can find out if "she" is pregnant, or was lying, as usual.

Hi KTbunch,

Thank you for the post. It is so inspiring. The thing I am haveing a hard time with right now is how contact will work with OW/OC. Husband thinks I am having a hard time with past. It is not the past that makes me uncomfortable but the present situation where he has contact with OW who is pregnant and his future contact with OC/OW. I just need him to start making all contact in my presence. I hope I can make him understand this. I do love my husband and I hope we can get past this.